5 Skills That Turn Angry Ex-Lovers Into Close, Loving Friends

The secret to your healthiest, most peaceful life is making sure you create and maintain peace in every relationship.

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Each of the thought leaders and gurus I’ve studied with have focused on the same point: In order to enjoy a peaceful life for ourselves, we must make peace with others.

Even when a challenging relationship ends, you will still benefit from restating your experiences.

Here are four things to consider when reshaping a relationship

1. Get out of the emotional roller coaster ride

If your previous partner was dangerous, find inner peace so you can get out of the emotional roller coaster that only makes your suffering worse. This allows you to move forward with wisdom and attraction.

2. Find a solid emotional foundation

If love were a “one-way street” and we felt love’s deepest feelings, we might feel like we were being torn apart because of the vulnerability we allowed without making a safe landing. The extent of the loving connection we experienced When we realize that we are the only ones who have felt it, it could seem like the ground beneath our feet has changed. There is a choice we must make for our own spiritual and physical well-being, and that is to love, not hate.

3. Allow love into your life

Perhaps loving and then losing a partner has catapulted you into grief and anger, as it reactivates an old fight/flight/freeze cycle in PTSD that is a recipe for disaster. To live a joyful life, you must feel the love that is only possible when you master self-soothing and come back to your true self.

When we rage and run away, we lose ourselves in the emotional tornado that blows us away from reality until we’re stuck in the prison of guilt at our partner and ourselves.

4. Balance the emotional costs

Or maybe we were the ones who severed the connection. Were we so upset that we wanted to burn down the bridge to prevent access in the future? If so, it also robs us of inner peace. So before you “punish” a partner, think about the cost to yourself.

Instead of “throwing the baby out with the bath water” when we examine what brought us together and what separated us, in minutes we can identify the best options for us.

Here’s how to make the friend zone fabulous

In the process, you must learn to raise your own awareness and calm yourself, which will allow you to avoid anger and extreme sadness no matter how your ex decides about the transition from lover to loving friend.

The future is unwritten, so every decision made today may change tomorrow. If you desire friendship, you must master your inner state and project peace. This may lead to a completely different decision in the future if your ex can adequately meet your needs.

Here are five skills that will help you go from angry ex-lover to lifelong friends

1. Stop projection

The Six Month Rule tells us that six months to a year before the actual breakup, you yourself were angry/anxious/sad and contemplating divorce or a breakup. Then, without consulting your partner, your actions or inactions triggered the next step until one of you finished it.

When clients tell me that a spouse “left suddenly without warning,” there’s always a period of time six months to a year ago when the partner who didn’t leave had those negative, divisive thoughts without discussing possible solutions , which would work for both of you . We have to ask ourselves, “Who actually left?”

Solution — When you learn to calm yourself, whether through brain breathing, self-empathy, or other tools, you have the power to create your best life. However, if you suppress your negative emotions without examining them, they will creep up and stain your words and actions until love crumbles.

All you need to do to build a lifelong friendship is to peacefully and responsibly speak your truth, empathize with your former partner’s feelings and unmet needs, and seek ways to make amends for whatever you now know has hurt them has. This is how one of my clients saved $11 million on his divorce! Many others have fantastic friendships that bring joy and support from former lovers, partners, and spouses.

2. Conduct a triage

Separate the partners worth saving from those who were your mistake. Were you conscious or unconscious when entering into a relationship? If he or she saw you as an opportunity, was it mutual? Certain behaviors can make a difference in a marriage or a date, but as a friend, do you care how messy their home is or how often they help out with the chores? NO!

All the lifestyle choices that pulled you apart don’t matter anymore, and religion and politics may have been problematic when you contemplated starting a family together, but maybe his brilliant mind, humor and lifestyle are of yours Value. If “knowing and being known” is important to you, most of your exes might make desirable friends if they show kindness and compassion.

Solution – In each important relationship, clarify which needs have been met and which have not. If you find that about half of your needs have been met by the relationship but the others have not, it is said to be “torn up” and depending on your former lover’s behavior, you can stay in the relationship or give up. But what about the person who is almost exactly what you like?

When someone gets that close to your “perfect life partner checklist,” does it make sense to move into the friend zone? Only you can decide that.

The lovers you remember, the ones whose memories make you smile or laugh, or the ones who taught you the most usually make it through. During my 57 trips to India I learned about karma and reincarnation and it is said that the intensity of our feelings is not accidental but the result of many lifetimes.

The idea of ”families” of souls reincarnating over and over again as parents, lovers, children, and in other close relationships might provide some understanding of the tremendous magnetic pull you feel in few people.

3. Practice forgiveness

Once a relationship ends, we forgive our partner for the sake of our own health, thereby avoiding the misery and possible illnesses that often accompany long-term thoughts of revenge. Only when we master our mind are we strong and able to concentrate, attract and achieve our goals.

Solution — As we observe these stories and transform them with the four questions of Inquiry, Peace, and Power, we begin to display the mood that will attract our next mate and the one we desire – rather than more drama and disappointment.

Notice the story you tell, such as “He didn’t deserve me” or “She should have loved me.” Here are the questions you ask to transform inner suffering into peace.

Is that true; yes, no, or maybe?
What evidence do I have that this is true? Imagine testifying in court before a judge, giving only facts/figures/dollars or numbers rather than feelings or ideas.
How do you feel when you have this thought? Give three words that describe your feelings, e.g. B. Anxious, angry, sad, heartbroken, hopeless, etc.
How will you feel without this thought? Give three examples such as peaceful, hopeful, and calm.

Turning is the secret to mastering your mind and there is always a more peaceful, powerful true story. Make it a habit to think like this. There are countless turning points. Here are a few:

“He doesn’t deserve me” can become “He deserves me” if you examine his behavior or “I don’t deserve him” if we’re honest with ourselves. For a Lifelong Learner: “When I learn to shut up before I speak, I build loving relationships with everyone.”

“She should have loved me more!” might turn to “I should have loved her more!”

4. Learn to motivate

Motivate Your lover or former partner to become your friend. List the benefits for your partner by considering what brought you together in the first place. If there’s more than just sexual attraction, what is it, and if friend with benefits is a goal for you, then include the great sex you’ve enjoyed as well. Exploring the benefits of reconnecting will be the “road to friendship.”