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“What are we talking about without football?” NFL Today’s Nate Burleson asked in the pro-football dick cold open on Saturday Night Live. “I mean, does anyone have anything remotely insightful to say?” added the satirical version of the former Detroit Lion portrayed by Devon Walker.
“I wish the ocean was full of sugar instead of salt,” replied James Brown (Kenan Thompson).
Yes. To answer Burleson/Walker's final question in detail: There's certainly nothing remotely revealing in tonight's cold open.
After this weekend, people complained about the end of the NFL season and literally threw everything and everyone against the wall. In a land speed record even for SNL, they named Taylor Swift, the final season of the dentist's favorite show Blue Bloods, the Pro Bowl, the Fast & Furious franchise, those troubled Boeing 737s, CBS viewership, and the demise of Linear television, America's cultural and political divides, Yellowstone and more with a distinctly tongue-in-cheek dash of existential dread. Sadly, despite having almost every male SNL cast member except Bowen Yang in the opener and Heidi Gardner, it still didn't amount to much – as you can see:
“This isn’t just about us, America needs football,” Mikey Day’s Bill Cowher lamented as the man-children of CBS’ NFL show cried over the impending conclusion of their Sunday ritual. “It’s the only thing that everyone sees anymore.”
To be fair, perennial MVP Thompson almost saved the skit when he quipped, with an invisible wink, “Especially live. There is no other live television that you can even remotely watch.”
After a week in which nominations for the 96th Academy Awards were announced and Donald Trump scored a big win in the New Hampshire GOP primary and an $83.3 million loss in a New York courtroom , the Lorne Michaels-led SNL had the current pick cast for tonight. Still, there's nothing better in America than the NFL, and with back-to-back AFC and NFC championship games on Sunday, the choice was obvious — not that there wasn't a little Barbie.
“Yellowstone is our Barbie,” roared Day's Cowher (who had the best delivery tonight) in not-quite-feigned indignation. “And I really understand that Margot Robbie was snubbed. Sorry, but they're after Gosling. “Ken” was the first time I felt like I was being seen in a movie.”
And then there was singing – enough said.
Tonight's second SNL of 2024 and the 10th episode of season 49 features Dakota Johnson as host and Justin Timberlake as musical guest. It's a kind of social network reunion: This is Madame Web star Johnson's second time hosting the NBC late-nighter and the latest of countless appearances for the ex-NSync'er. While Timberlake hasn't appeared on Saturday Night Live in more than a decade, he is a member of the Five-Timers Club, has also appeared as host and musical guest several times over the decades, and has stopped by for guest appearances on a number of occasions.
Next week, Golden Globe and Emmy winner and The Bear star Ayo Edebiri makes her debut as SNL host. With a new album coming out next month, Jennifer Lopez will be the musical guest on the February 3rd show. Lopez has hosted the show three times and has been the musical guest three times.
Here comes, as they said in the cold tonight, February with liver failure.
By the way – the Baltimore Ravens face the Kansas City Chiefs in the big AFC game on Sunday afternoon (with Swift probably in the stands). This is followed by the game between the San Francisco 49ers and the Detroit Lions in the NFC Championship. The winners will meet at Super Bowl LVIII on February 11th in Sin City.