On January 1, thousands of people around the world doubted whether they should open their Instagram account or not. They were afraid of falling into an endless loop of perfect New Year's Eve, parties with unlimited budgets, and groups of big, sexy, and hilarious friends. Maybe his New Year's Eve party hadn't been anything like what he'd expected. There was a very high risk of some kind of FOMO [miedo a perderse algo] retroactively overshadows his celebration; that the comparison destroyed his memories like a brave tsunami. A strong vital dissatisfaction that made them sad and miserable even when they kept the meta-application closed.
Those who feel challenged by this story are probably suffering from “perfect moment syndrome,” a strange concept that has spread across the internet in recent months that attempts to condense the feeling of overwhelming disappointment when Our experiences – usually events, parties, or vacations – do not meet the high expectations we have for them. People affected by this syndrome tend to focus on negative details: that the candles on the cake were not lit properly, that the sky was cloudy for a long time, or that the decorations were a little more poor than they imagined had; This causes them a general feeling of dissatisfaction and difficulty in enjoying the moment in question.
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“I believe that the 'perfect moment syndrome' is related to various factors, but the main one is the influence of social networks, where we are bombarded with images of beautiful places, enviable moments and very emotionally intense experiences,” summarizes Bárbara Tovar . , expert in anxiety and stress psychology with more than 20 years of experience. “These contributions, to which we can return again and again, make us aware of a reality (or supposed reality) very different from ours and create in us the need to live that life.”
In times like these, comparison is called one of the biggest threats to our mental well-being, since it is almost impossible to survive unscathed the perfect life reflected in some social networks such as Instagram or TikTok. Compared to them, our lives seem boring and empty. “This is because in our culture we associate our happiness with external factors and not so much with internal factors such as calm, love, laughter or the feeling of being at peace with ourselves,” the doctor continues.
“I think this problem is closely related to a term that the family therapist Juan Luis Linares uses when he speaks of 'the honorable facade',” says psychologist Laura Esquinas, “which refers to those families in which, independent about what’s happening inside.” In the house they try to convey an image of happiness and well-being while ignoring the dark side. A bit like the traditionally used expression “dirty rags are washed at home”. That's why I think this concept is closely related to the belief that happiness is external, that one can achieve external well-being and that it is possible to always be healthy.
The effects of “Perfect Timing Syndrome”
The mental health consequences of those who feel this way, Esquinas says, are ongoing frustration. “Most of the time they blame themselves for the fact that their life is not as perfect as they would like,” he emphasizes. “When this happens, the search for the perfect moment becomes a constant source of inferiority complexes and self-harm.”
“In other cases, chronic stress problems also occur,” adds Tovar. “That is, you feel tired, exhausted, unbalanced, you have the feeling that you will never disconnect, that you need to interact with other people or rest.” For the psychologist, this syndrome is also a kind of “pessimistic factory”, as it sets in motion a vicious circle in which our mind gets used to perceiving everything negative that we have in our environment more strongly than the sublime of a supposedly perfect moment that we never achieved.
How to deal with “Perfect Timing Syndrome.”
“Perhaps the first thing I would recommend to those who feel this way is to reduce the time they spend on social networks, the medium through which they get these photos or videos of perfect situations, because constant viewing makes them feel like “Empty back,” explains Tovar. “On the other hand, I would also encourage them to cultivate more daily habits, routines that satisfy their personal needs for rest, leisure, laughter, play… Finally, I would encourage them to implement psychological strategies that would help them maintain their needs .” Sentiment in internal factors and not in external factors. For example, practicing yoga, meditating, doing some kind of sport, activities that help you to harmonize yourself internally without depending so much on the context or external factors.”
Numerous studies, such as this one from the University of Utah, confirm that the practice of mindfulness can be a good way to better deal with such feelings. When we focus on what is really happening in each moment, we can appreciate it and not have to think about what could have been and what wasn't. “With mindfulness, we learn to be present with our senses in what we are doing, whether it is eating breakfast, showering, or kissing our partner, rather than fantasizing,” warns Tovar.
For his part, Esquinas clarifies: “For the practice of mindfulness to be useful to us, we must work in advance to change beliefs and internalize the idea that the perfect moment does not exist.” There are unforgettable moments and magical situations that can be beautiful, although they are rarely perfect. To a certain extent, we can influence their appearance by paying attention to what we like and following our inclinations and passions. However, there is a part of the experience that is beyond our control. Mindfulness can be a great help. By being aware of each step and moment while experiencing a situation, we can better manage our expectations. While we understand that perfection is not realistic, mindfulness can be a valuable resource when we face the frustration of not achieving the results we expected.”
Finally, Esquinas recommends controlling this syndrome: “Pay attention to what we want to do or want to do; not in the result that we will achieve with it, nor in what will happen. The idea is: “I will do this because I feel like it,” and put the focus on that.” That would of course be an interesting goal for 2024.