“That’s enough, stand in your room.” Screams, tears, and malice usually follow. It is the oldest punishment in the world and since 2008 the Council of Europe has included it in its proposed brochure parents how to deal with misdeeds a Son small. Did he break the porcelain vase in the living room? Do you refuse to do your homework? First, strong nerves: “We have to respond to misconduct with explanations and not aggressively, with punishments such as time off, damages or pocket money deduction.” But the time off, the child’s obligation to go to his room, is removed from the code of conduct of good parents. The French newspaper Le Figaro intercepted an email in which the director of the Department for Children’s Rights, Regina Jensdottir, defines punishment as “obsolete”has been considered by the Council of Europe and the leaflet encouraging it, which is still available online, will soon be amended.
CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
Satisfied StopVeo, one of the associations that have exerted pressure to consider time off as inappropriate for resolving conflict situations. But there is a debate. “At least it seems like a moderate punishment to me. Then you have to understand the reasons why the child is forced to go to his room,” Benjamin reflects sadoun, a child psychiatrist at the University Hospital Group of Paris. And StopVeo itself is reluctant: «We point out that many parents refer to this solution to solve the problems, we hope that the abolition will be explained by the pedagogy and, above all, replaced by proposals for less violent measures. Stay here recommendation that when the tension rises, it is better to let the baby cry alone and calm down than to make things worse ». For Elena Ravazzolo, neuropedagogue who deals with the topic, the question must be reversed: “A different pedagogical approach is needed, a rethinking that replaces punishment. Always anticipate critical points so you never reach a breaking point ». Example. Giulio is 11 years old and will not be going to soccer because he got a 5 in geography. But when asked, “Are you really going to study more?” he replies, “Why should I? I don’t like geography. And then a lot of mom and dad always have to say and shout, even if I take 6». Penalties, concludes Dr. Ravazzolo, “are useless if they don’t enable the children to be smarter next time”.
RED LIGHT
That doesn’t mean it isn’t necessary “to set up education systems so they understand the flaws,” he stresses. The? “If a child is writing on the wall, it makes more sense to have them cleaned than to prevent them from seeing their friends. When the teenager makes the pancakes and messes up the whole kitchen, it’s great pancakes, but now they’re on the spot. Next time he will be more careful and not turn the dough over. Of course, such parenting is much more difficult for a parent, but replacing punishments with adjustments guarantees peace of mind for the family and accustoms children to repairing the damage. And it makes them grow ». The educator Daniele Novara, author of the book “Punire is useless”, points out a few clear rules. “If the child really insists, active silence is very helpful. We don’t speak for a few minutes after emphatically explaining that communication is down because something isn’t working. It’s a red light, not a penalty, but it’s extremely effective ».
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