A clinical psychologist has offered a guide to breaking up with a friend, but critics have insisted they “rather be ghosted” than confronted that way.
Arianna Brandolini, 37, from New York, showed how to end a friendship that has run its course in a 33-second video posted to TikTok this week.
The Harvard University graduate using the handle @answeranxiety gave an example script of what to say while playing both the dumper and the dumpee in the scenario presented.
“I’ve noticed that you’ve been withdrawn and haven’t wanted to hang out with you lately. What’s up?’ she asked while pretending to be the blind friend.
Arianna Brandolini, 37, from New York, shared a 33-second video on TikTok this week showing how to break up with a boyfriend
The Harvard University graduate gave a sample script of what to say while playing both the dumper and the dumpee
When Brandolini replied, she got straight to the point and didn’t mince words.
“I treasured our friendship time very much, but we are moving in different directions in life. I no longer have the capacity to invest in our friendship,” she said.
The psychologist has also made a suggestion of what to say if the friend in question pushes back and asks, “Is it something I did?”
“I understand it might be hard to understand, but I’ve been re-evaluating many areas of my life lately, including my ability to be a good friend to you,” Brandolini replied.
“I just want to be honest and open so I don’t disappoint your expectations. I’m sorry if this feels painful and confusing. I wish you all the love and success.”
The psychologist has also made a suggestion of what to say if the friend in question pushes back and asks, “Is it something I did?”
Brandolini used phrases like “I appreciated our season of friendship” and “I don’t have the capacity to invest in our friendship”.
The video has been viewed more than 313,000 times and has garnered thousands of comments from viewers, many of whom were appalled by the crackdown.
“I think that’s more hurtful than letting it leak,” one person wrote, while another added, “It feels [ingeniuous]grandiose, loveless and preplanned.’
“I’d rather be spooky,” claimed another.
Others insisted the script sounded too “corporate” and “impersonal.”
“The company is taking over our personal lives now,” one user commented, while another jokingly asked, “Does the friend get a settlement and then COBRA?”
The video was later posted Twitterwhere it was also heavily criticized.
The video was called “sociopathic,” “feeling” and “impersonal” by critics, who insisted they “rather be spooky.”
Brandolini shared a follow-up the next day, explaining that she wanted to give more context to her original demonstration.
“There’s no right or wrong way to end a friendship,” she said. “It’s very, very normal that we’re going to have different times in our lives where we’re closer to certain people than others, and friendships will actually kind of die off.”
She noted that there are times when it’s okay to “don’t try so hard” and let a friendship “slowly phase out,” but that’s not always an option.
“We as a culture are very much a ghost culture where we don’t want to have these tough conversations and avoid them,” she explained. “But sometimes it’s really justified.”
Brandolini gave an example of a toxic friendship where multiple conversations have taken place but the person refuses to listen or change.
Brandolini shared a follow-up the next day, explaining that she wanted to give more context to her original demonstration
“If you’re ending a toxic friendship and you’ve already had those conversations, it may actually be a business and that’s fine,” she said. “You don’t have to expend a lot of energy to explain yourself”
“A lot of you comment that this is very corporate, and the idea is that if you’re breaking up a toxic friendship and you’ve already had those conversations, it can actually be corporate, and that’s fine,” she said. “You don’t have to expend a lot of energy to explain yourself and make the other understand when you’ve already done that.”
Brandolini offered another long answer in the caption, writing, “Remember that a 30 second TikTok video cannot capture the entire human experience! We are all wonderfully complex. These are only intended to give you suggestions for making your own.
The statement did little to calm critics, however, and she shut down comments to avoid further backlash.
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