The secret to your healthiest, most peaceful life is making sure you create and maintain peace in every relationship.

Each of the thought leaders and gurus I’ve studied with have focused on the same point: In order to enjoy a peaceful life for ourselves, we must make peace with others.

Even when a challenging relationship ends, you will still benefit from restating your experiences.

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Here are four things to consider when reshaping a relationship

1. Get out of the emotional roller coaster ride

If your previous partner was dangerous, find inner peace so you can get out of the emotional roller coaster that only makes your suffering worse. This allows you to move forward with wisdom and attraction.

2. Find a solid emotional foundation

If love were a “one-way street” and we felt love’s deepest feelings, we might feel like we were being torn apart because of the vulnerability we allowed without making a safe landing. The extent of the loving connection we experienced When we realize that we are the only ones who have felt it, it could seem like the ground beneath our feet has changed. There is a choice we must make for our own spiritual and physical well-being, and that is to love, not hate.

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3. Allow love into your life

Perhaps loving and then losing a partner has catapulted you into grief and anger, as it reactivates an old fight/flight/freeze cycle in PTSD that is a recipe for disaster. To live a joyful life, you must feel the love that is only possible when you master self-soothing and come back to your true self.

When we rage and run away, we lose ourselves in the emotional tornado that blows us away from reality until we’re stuck in the prison of guilt at our partner and ourselves.

4. Balance the emotional costs

Or maybe we were the ones who severed the connection. Were we so upset that we wanted to burn down the bridge to prevent access in the future? If so, it also robs us of inner peace. So before you “punish” a partner, think about the cost to yourself.

Instead of “throwing the baby out with the bath water” when we examine what brought us together and what separated us, in minutes we can identify the best options for us.

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Here’s how to make the friend zone fabulous

In the process, you must learn to raise your own awareness and calm yourself, which will allow you to avoid anger and extreme sadness no matter how your ex decides about the transition from lover to loving friend.

The future is unwritten, so every decision made today may change tomorrow. If you desire friendship, you must master your inner state and project peace. This may lead to a completely different decision in the future if your ex can adequately meet your needs.

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Here are five skills that will help you go from angry ex-lover to lifelong friends

1. Stop projection

The Six Month Rule tells us that six months to a year before the actual breakup, you yourself were angry/anxious/sad and contemplating divorce or a breakup. Then, without consulting your partner, your actions or inactions triggered the next step until one of you finished it.

When clients tell me that a spouse “left suddenly without warning,” there’s always a period of time six months to a year ago when the partner who didn’t leave had those negative, divisive thoughts without discussing possible solutions , which would work for both of you . We have to ask ourselves, “Who actually left?”

Solution — When you learn to calm yourself, whether through brain breathing, self-empathy, or other tools, you have the power to create your best life. However, if you suppress your negative emotions without examining them, they will creep up and stain your words and actions until love crumbles.

All you need to do to build a lifelong friendship is to peacefully and responsibly speak your truth, empathize with your former partner’s feelings and unmet needs, and seek ways to make amends for whatever you now know has hurt them has. This is how one of my clients saved $11 million on his divorce! Many others have fantastic friendships that bring joy and support from former lovers, partners, and spouses.

2. Conduct a triage

Separate the partners worth saving from those who were your mistake. Were you conscious or unconscious when entering into a relationship? If he or she saw you as an opportunity, was it mutual? Certain behaviors can make a difference in a marriage or a date, but as a friend, do you care how messy their home is or how often they help out with the chores? NO!

All the lifestyle choices that pulled you apart don’t matter anymore, and religion and politics may have been problematic when you contemplated starting a family together, but maybe his brilliant mind, humor and lifestyle are of yours Value. If “knowing and being known” is important to you, most of your exes might make desirable friends if they show kindness and compassion.

Solution – In each important relationship, clarify which needs have been met and which have not. If you find that about half of your needs have been met by the relationship but the others have not, it is said to be “torn up” and depending on your former lover’s behavior, you can stay in the relationship or give up. But what about the person who is almost exactly what you like?

When someone gets that close to your “perfect life partner checklist,” does it make sense to move into the friend zone? Only you can decide that.

The lovers you remember, the ones whose memories make you smile or laugh, or the ones who taught you the most usually make it through. During my 57 trips to India I learned about karma and reincarnation and it is said that the intensity of our feelings is not accidental but the result of many lifetimes.

The idea of ​​”families” of souls reincarnating over and over again as parents, lovers, children, and in other close relationships might provide some understanding of the tremendous magnetic pull you feel in few people.

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3. Practice forgiveness

Once a relationship ends, we forgive our partner for the sake of our own health, thereby avoiding the misery and possible illnesses that often accompany long-term thoughts of revenge. Only when we master our mind are we strong and able to concentrate, attract and achieve our goals.

Solution — As we observe these stories and transform them with the four questions of Inquiry, Peace, and Power, we begin to display the mood that will attract our next mate and the one we desire – rather than more drama and disappointment.

Notice the story you tell, such as “He didn’t deserve me” or “She should have loved me.” Here are the questions you ask to transform inner suffering into peace.

• Is that true; yes, no, or maybe?
• What evidence do I have that this is true? Imagine testifying in court before a judge, giving only facts/figures/dollars or numbers rather than feelings or ideas.
• How do you feel when you have this thought? Give three words that describe your feelings, e.g. B. Anxious, angry, sad, heartbroken, hopeless, etc.
• How will you feel without this thought? Give three examples such as peaceful, hopeful, and calm.

Turning is the secret to mastering your mind and there is always a more peaceful, powerful true story. Make it a habit to think like this. There are countless turning points. Here are a few:

“He doesn’t deserve me” can become “He deserves me” if you examine his behavior or “I don’t deserve him” if we’re honest with ourselves. For a Lifelong Learner: “When I learn to shut up before I speak, I build loving relationships with everyone.”

“She should have loved me more!” might turn to “I should have loved her more!”

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4. Learn to motivate

Motivate Your lover or former partner to become your friend. List the benefits for your partner by considering what brought you together in the first place. If there’s more than just sexual attraction, what is it, and if friend with benefits is a goal for you, then include the great sex you’ve enjoyed as well. Exploring the benefits of reconnecting will be the “road to friendship.”

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Solution — Various needs that keep exes together as friends may include shared interests and activities, such as:

• Sports
• intellectual pursuits
• creative hobbies
• Spiritual Practices
• Travel
• voluntary work
• politics

Clarify this list because it is the first step in a series of tests, emails, or conversations that will help you establish a new basis for your friendship.

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5. Make a peace offering

When you started a relationship, it was easy to bring your partner closer and closer because you all hoped that the connection would bring benefits. What are you offering now? What will be interesting enough for your ex to start a real friendship?

I’ve had many long-term relationships with ex-boyfriends, and my 50th birthday party was attended by five of my ex-boyfriends. Here are some perks that various exes appreciate, and you’ll find that the same applies to you.

• One enjoyed relationship coaching from me after our time together.
• Another participated in years of transformational workshops that provided a shared worldview.
• A third appreciated my ability to love, encourage, and support them no matter what they did or didn’t do.
• A fourth appreciated being able to tell me anything without being judged.
• A fifth enjoy staying in touch while other dear friends have passed away.

Solution — You need to create inner peace before composing any message using the three paragraph system:

• In the first sentence, do everything you can about your ex.
• The second sentence is about your own feelings and needs.
• This is a call to action proposing a call or meeting with a fun purpose for each of you.

If your ex accepts the offer, you need to stay present on any conflicting messages and refine your offer by framing it in a three-part message so you understand each other. Since you are ex-partners and no longer partners, you both realize that each other’s needs have not been adequately met for a lifelong partnership. Yet there is something genuine and valuable here.

With these steps, you will do your best to protect the connection and build a friendship to enjoy the deep level of connection and understanding that is possible. Imagine your life decades from now, enriched by the richness of many different friendships with former lovers and partners, each like a flower in a garden – different and beautiful in its own way.

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Susan Allan is a certified mediator and coach and the founder of Marriage Forum Inc. and creator of The 6 Part Conversation and The 7 Stages of Marriage and Divorce training courses to help people understand their own needs and those of their partners .

José Manuel Fernández Borbolla was Talina Fernández’s partner and stayed with the driver until the last moment of her life. Talina lived her romance with José Manuel to the fullest and showed that there is no age for love.

After the painful loss of Talina, José Manuel told in a few words what the last moments of the journalist who died at the age of 78 were like.

Talina was released at her residence south of Mexico City, where television personalities such as Angélica María, Chantal Other and Andrés Tovar, among others, were present.

What did Talina Fernández’s boyfriend say after the driver’s death?

José Manuel was the last man Talina loved more than anything and with whom she shared the last moments of her life. Visibly moved, after a relationship of more than a year and a half, he recounted the time he had spent with the driver and reminisced about his last days.

Talina’s boyfriend expressed the great love he feels for Mariana Levy’s mother and what he suffered before his death. “It was the best thing that has happened to me in my life. The only thing is that I can thank God that he was already resting, he was in a lot of pain. I think she was screaming in pain for a week when we got to the hospital, they started giving her painkillers but they had to go from less to more and she was screaming.

José said that the driver was in severe pain the night before Talina’s death. “She was so sick, it was my turn all night, it was impressive that she couldn’t find her position all night, she sat, lay down, turned over… the suffering was appalling, I would.” don’t wish it on anyone.

The love story of Talina Fernández and José Manuel

The driver’s friend said their relationship was not true “fabulous”and revealed that he missed his after his death “Company, their conversation, their comfort”. “She rather left me in limbo because she said she was planning to take me to Egypt to see the pyramids and take a trip down the Nile.”

In addition, he announced that Talina’s grandchildren María actually had the opportunity to say goodbye to her grandmother. “Yes, he has arrived. The moment he arrived, they say that … he was waiting for María because of what was seen.” commented.

Let’s remember that the “lady of good words” met her partner thanks to a fan who approached her in the supermarket to talk about her uncle and later introduced him at a meeting with the press, saying: “You have to live today, because at our age we don’t know how much time we have left. “He’s a companion that I needed in this life, I already had an education, a lawyer, handsome but a man of my time so we can talk about the same thing we talked about before, the cinemas that we.” visited is a blessing.”