After the publication of my first heart letter I have already received some messages. For my second issue, I chose an issue that affects parents, spouses, and many relatives of video gamers: video game addiction.
Here is the abridged transcript of a message I received:
Hello Pierre-Luc, my 20 year old son is still at home. I get up in the morning, he sits in front of his computer and plays video games. I’m going to bed, he’s still at his computer.
I told him about my concerns and he always switched off. His job search falters. I’ve tried every technique I know: say nothing, talk to him calmly, try to get interested in his games, yell at him, but nothing works. It’s like speaking to a wall. How do I share my concerns with him?
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video game addiction
From a scientific point of view, “video game addiction” is not yet a uniform term. The World Health Organization includes video game-related disorders in its internal classification of diseases, while other orders challenge this diagnosis.
The thing is that we are still waiting for research to consolidate our knowledge of the situation. Is it an addiction or a compulsion to spend so many hours playing video games? These two problems require two very different treatments. For example, we don’t treat alcoholism like OCD.
what we know
We know that video games can complicate us and that teenagers are more likely to succumb to them than adults.
It’s been suggested that family relationships may have a connection, but it’s not yet certain what impact this might have. With uncertain things, we think that maybe they are gestures of impulsiveness and not of compulsion.
We often speak of comorbidities in video game overconsumption. The word is morbid, but basically it just means that there is often one problem next to the other. Or several others.
Among the people who find themselves in this situation, there are many cases of anxiety, depression, ADHD, social phobia combined with insufficient psychological help.
But we haven’t determined the causality yet. When a person spends their life gaming, does a person become depressed or burn away hours playing video games because they are depressed? We do not know.
There is also a link between sleep disorders and video game problems. Here too we must remain cautious and avoid speaking of causality.
But one thing is for sure, it is a true phenomenon that has even caused several deaths.
Beware of some games
Not all games hit the same areas of the brain. Those that constantly reward the player like a slot machine would get us hooked faster. The hormonal dynamics in our brains during these gaming sessions are very similar to compulsive gamblers.
And that, everyone can fall into a pattern where we can lose control. I admit it happened to me recently for my review Not correct The Office: Somehow we made it. I knows that the game is bad and unsatisfactory but it took 10 days after I wrote my review before I managed to delete it from my phone!
Developers build software expressly made to inject us with microdoses of dopamine. It’s hard to resist!
Another important factor concerns the ending or lack of these days. If we base it on Super Mario World when we “played the tape”. ben We played the cassette.
We can start from scratch, but in general we’ll get tired of repeating the same levels over and over again. On the other hand, many online games never have an end point. Each game is always different from the previous one. And you can get lost in Animal Crossing just like in Fortnite.
My two pennies (which aren’t worth much scientifically)
For my part, I’ll enter the arena with my sampling around me: Spending too many hours playing video games, yes, it’s possible. I have particularly witnessed the devastation of World of Warcraft, which has engulfed my social and professional life lots people around me.
I had a sister-in-law who played WoW across from us with her boyfriend, each on their computers while we were visiting. Relatives who sunk college courses for their World of Warcraft character. The WoW phenomenon became so popular that employers refused to hire players!
Now, when we talk too much about playing video games, what does that mean too much?
When I lived with my parents, if my mother asked me if I played too much Goldeneye 007 on the Nintendo 64, she would have said yes. Also, I think if I had halved my playing time, she would still have said it was too much.
That’s why I don’t count on the hours I’ve spent playing games so much to say that someone is playing too much. I mean, taking a whole week off to play because I feel like it isn’t the same as deferring responsibility.
That’s why I watch more the results spending so much time with a controller in hand. Or a keyboard. It depends on.
Are relationships with those around you crumbling? Is the person putting their financial, professional, or academic health at risk?
And even then, say, a less able student at school skips class. Is it the fault of the video games? And if he had spent his time knitting, would we blame the knitting? Who says they would have gotten good grades if they had studied more?
But one thing is for sure, this person chooses to obsess over something instead of finding balance in their life.
Things to be aware of
A problem is a problem. And like all these circumstances, the person caught in a hurricane must accept that his situation is unfavorable.
The thing is, these people don’t spend so much time playing games for nothing. It’s somehow safe to sit in a virtual world. It is her cuddly toy for heart and head.
That’s why direct confrontation doesn’t work. You’re attacking something they like to do. In some cases, they even identify with the level they have reached by investing so much time in this activity.
Our only option is to remain in empathy until the person admits there is a problem. Focus on your relationship with the person and only bring up the subject every once in a while, not every day without judgement. That means no accusations like “You have a gambling problem” or humiliation like “I know you’re better”. »
Leave the house and your usual environment for this conversation. Psychologically, these types of discussions are more effective elsewhere because they break the pattern of having the same discussions in the same environment.
You can talk about yourself that it worries you, but that you will always be there for that person. You can also suggest to your loved one that if they do not feel comfortable sharing their concerns with you, that you are willing to help them find a psychologist who will maintain confidentiality.
Just that, without dwelling on the topic. You will have made your way. Once there, it’s up to the person themselves to weather the storm.
A return to normal life
The difficult thing about all of this is that, unlike other addictions, there is no alternative to gaming. People who quit smoking have patches or vapes. We will not offer small Gameboys to people who play too much. And besides, we’re made with video games in our phones!
There is probably a larger problem behind this that also needs to be solved. What sucks at all of this is our impotence. In the end we can’t do it for him. We can only encourage our loved one to seek help. Always with love.
A problem, conflict, question, concern with a loved one regarding video games? Write to me on Facebook or Instagram. Anonymity is offered!