EPHRAIM HARDCASTLE William is unlikely to avoid pomp and circumstance

EPHRAIM HARDCASTLE: William is unlikely to avoid pomp and circumstance if he is made Prince of Wales

William, desperate to avoid a Prince of Wales investiture resembling his father’s Ruritanian extravagance in 1969, may not get off as lightly as he had hoped.

In announcing the formal Letters Patent last week, the King said he would honor William by “gifting him a sword, putting a crown on his head, and a gold ring on his finger, and also putting in his hand a gold rod.” “.

Doesn’t that sound like the kind of ceremony William wants to avoid?

He certainly won’t want to wear a crown like his father’s. The golden sphere at the top was a ping pong ball covered in gold leaf.

William, desperate to avoid a Prince of Wales investiture resembling his father's Ruritanian extravagance in 1969, may not get off as lightly as he had hoped

William, desperate to avoid a Prince of Wales investiture resembling his father’s Ruritanian extravagance in 1969, may not get off as lightly as he had hoped

The golden ball on the crown used by King Charles at the inauguration ceremony of the Prince of Wales was a gold leaf-wrapped ping-pong ball

The golden ball on the crown used by King Charles at the inauguration ceremony of the Prince of Wales was a gold leaf-wrapped ping-pong ball

The peaceful but sudden death of Paul O’Grady may not have come as a huge surprise to the entertainer, who recently described himself as a resident of “God’s waiting room.”

“Fit and healthy – are you crazy?” he laughed. ‘Undertakers knock on the window when I walk by. They ask, “Anytime?” I’m like, shut up.’

Carol Vorderman mourns the loss of Paul and will miss him as part of her marathon lunchtime group.

“We’re a little gang with Paul, Alan Carr, Gok Wan and Sally Lindsay,” she says.

“We call ourselves Gays and Girls. We had the longest lunches, often lasting 13 hours.’

Carol Vorderman (pictured) will meet Paul O'Grady as part of her marathon lunch group

Carol Vorderman (pictured) will meet Paul O’Grady as part of her marathon lunch group

The peaceful but sudden death of Paul O'Grady may not have come as a huge surprise to the entertainer, who recently described himself as a resident of

The peaceful but sudden death of Paul O’Grady may not have come as a huge surprise to the entertainer, who recently described himself as a resident of “God’s waiting room.”

Hayley Mills is delighted that the Oscar she won for Pollyanna when she was 14 and which was subsequently stolen has been replaced by the Academy.

But rumor has it that her late father, John, was so jealous of her win that he didn’t tell her about it.

A friend says, “She didn’t even know she’d won the award or been invited to Hollywood until it showed up in the post.”

Luckily, John, who died in 2005, went on to win his own Oscar for playing the village idiot Michael in Ryan’s Daughter.

Twinkle-toed Bill Bailey fueled Gordon Ramsay’s ambition to dance.

“I’d like to do Strictly before I get too old,” he says. “But I’m nervous about the tight-fitting shirts — and I’ve heard they sew knickers into your pants… That’s my biggest fear — the pants will rip live on Saturday night.”

SAS: Who Dares Wins luminary Ant Middleton recalls his induction into the Parachute Regiment when he was ordered to approach the biggest guy in a nightclub, buy him a drink and then hit him.

SAS: Who Dares Wins luminary Ant Middleton recalls his induction into the Parachute Regiment when he was ordered to approach the biggest guy in a nightclub, buy him a drink and then hit him

SAS: Who Dares Wins luminary Ant Middleton recalls his induction into the Parachute Regiment when he was ordered to approach the biggest guy in a nightclub, buy him a drink and then hit him

“So I went over to offer him a drink — it makes me cringe just thinking about it,” he recalls.

“He went to take the pint, I swung and connected to what I thought was the best punch of my life. The guy just stood there, kind of laughed at me and gave me the biggest right hook. Before I knew it I was on the floor.’

Did you right, big boy.

The hellish author of The White Hotel DM Thomas, who has died aged 88, blamed himself for wiping out fellow writer and Cornish neighbor William Golding after an epic drinking session.

“My God, I killed him, kept him too long, and made him drink too much,” he wailed to Golding’s daughter.

She assured him he had heart problems and would leave anytime. There’s a lot to tell guys.