Born to Paris Hilton and her husband Carter’s surrogate, little Phoenix Reum is now gargling happily in his crib in the family’s extravagant mansion in an upscale Los Angeles neighborhood.
Two months is a dream come true for the 42-year-old reality TV star, who has craved for years to become a mother.
But the birth wasn’t conventional – instead of conceiving herself, the heiress-turned-businesswoman chose to find a surrogate to carry and give birth to her son. Part of the reason, Paris says, was her fear of childbirth — when she witnessed a woman having a baby on her TV show The Simple Life, she was “traumatized.”
Hilton is the latest of many celebrities to become mothers through surrogacy, live their normal, glamorous lives with their figures and careers intact, and then out of the blue announce the arrival of a newborn with photos of tiny fingers or feet held in mom or dad’s hands lay .
Some, like Sarah Jessica Parker, Nicole Kidman, and Priyanka Chopra, are open about using surrogate mothers for one or more of their children. Others, like Naomi Campbell and Amber Heard, are more private about how their babies were born.
Shanna St. Clair (pictured) warned that while surrogacy can bring “great joy,” it also has a dark side
However, as a celebrity proxy, Shanna St. Clair, will attest, the stories don’t always end in the warm glow of mutual satisfaction and cutesy social media posts.
“Surrogacy can be a great joy — there’s that incredible exhilaration of knowing you’re making someone’s dream come true and that person is having their baby,” says Shanna.
“But you have two women who may not have known each other before, and likely come from vastly different social and financial backgrounds, joining forces in this incredibly intimate process to conceive a baby.
“There are all sorts of possibilities for it to go wrong. Surrogacy is not something you should enter into casually and it is important that you both are clear about what the agreement entails.’
If you had a surplus embryo in a lab and were looking for a woman to carry your baby to term, you would probably want someone like Shanna. She’s smart, lively, and clearly a warm and fun mom.
The trained hairdresser lives on a farm in the middle of the scenic Pennsylvania countryside, where she keeps goats and chickens. She is in her cozy farmhouse kitchen for this interview.
It was after three trouble-free pregnancies of her own that, at the age of 30, Shanna read an article in a women’s magazine about the struggles of infertile women and felt immediate compassion.
She and her husband Joseph, a builder, had their own two sons and a daughter, but their first daughter was stillborn at 26 weeks, so she understood the trauma of bereavement and the longing for a child.
Born to Paris Hilton and her husband Carter’s surrogate, little Phoenix Reum is bubbling happily in his crib today
With her family’s consent, she contacted a surrogacy agency.
“It wasn’t because I had to pay my bills — we were doing well financially,” explains Shanna. “I looked at surrogacy as a gift I could give to another woman.”
The agency was thorough. “I had to fill out countless forms. I had to undergo a psychological assessment. I not only had to be checked by my family doctor, but also by my gynaecologist. I had to have an ultrasound, a blood test – that was a lot,” the 46-year-old recalls.
Her profile was then presented to prospective parents. For privacy reasons, Shanna cannot identify anyone who was involved in her surrogacy experiences; Names have been changed.
“I hit it off with Jennifer and Mark, the very first couple I met. I had great empathy for Jennifer, who was in her early 30s and had her eggs frozen due to medical issues and being unable to carry a baby.
“Jennifer came from a well-known and wealthy family, so we had very different lives, but I connected with her right away,” says Shanna. “They were both kind and grateful and made an effort to get to know me and my husband and children.”
It took seven attempts for Shanna to conceive.
“The fertility clinic said the problem was the quality of Jennifer’s eggs, so there was no talk of going to another surrogate,” says Shanna.
“It’s taken a physical and mental toll – you’re on medication, you’re on hormones, you get ultrasounds to check the lining of the womb, so it was full on.
Some, like Sarah Jessica Parker, Nicole Kidman, and Priyanka Chopra, are open about using surrogate mothers for one or more of their children
I was told she had a baby – with another surrogate
“I was the one who was supposed to be carrying those embryos and keeping them safe, so I felt like I wasn’t doing my job, even though it was irrational.
“The contract was for four tries, but I re-signed the contract for another four tries because giving these people a family became almost a mission. I was very emotionally invested in it.’
Over the course of three years, Shanna received a $50,000 (£40,000) payment to cover loss of income from her job, travel to the IVF clinic and other expenses.
When Shanna gave birth to a boy, the couple were in the delivery room. “It was a happy experience for all of us,” she comments. “I still keep in touch with the family.”
Months later, Jennifer contacted her to say that she knew another woman who needed a surrogate.
The famous woman we will call Catherine spoke to Shanna on the phone.
“I loved her story about being in her early 40s trying to have a baby using her own eggs and a sperm donor. She had tried for years and used other surrogates but the pregnancies had failed.
“She wanted to be a single mom, but that didn’t affect my decision at all — I wasn’t judging — and I made the decision to move on.
“At the end of the conversation, she pointed out that I had already gone through all the psychological assessments and medical tests, so we didn’t have to go through that again. All I needed was a signature from my gynecologist,” recalls Shanna.
As a celebrity proxy, Shanna, will attest, the stories don’t always end in the warm glow of mutual satisfaction and cutesy social media posts. Pictured Nicole Kidman, who has openly spoken out in favor of using surrogate mothers
“After a nice experience with the first mother, I didn’t foresee any problem with it. There were a lot of things Catherine and I should have talked about first in hindsight.”
Contracts were signed – for three pregnancy attempts – within 30 days of the two women speaking.
Shanna first met Catherine during the transfer of the first embryo at an expensive IVF clinic set up like a five-star hotel in New York.
When you have money, there is a danger of thinking: I can find someone to raise a baby for me
“I naively expected that we would have this instant bond because we have a child together and it wasn’t there. She was distant and self-absorbed – we had a very superficial conversation, I think, about this important thing that was about to happen.
The celebrity left before Shanna had the transfer – and didn’t thank her. Alarm bells went off for Shanna, but she managed to put them off.
“She’s had failed pregnancies and I thought maybe she was trying to protect herself from further disappointment,” she explains.
As the “carrier,” Shanna was the first to learn that the initial transfer had failed when her blood test results came back negative. She waited until Catherine had been told before sending her a message of comfort. “She was nonchalant, and that stunned me,” says Shanna.
Ahead of the second transfer, the celebrity took Shanna and her husband to dinner – and the occasion was another “red flag” that Shanna says made her uncomfortable and worried.
“She was rude to the waiters, chose food from the menu that I said I didn’t want and made fun of me when I said I didn’t want wine.
“A sip of wine wouldn’t have hurt, but I was about to be transferred again and didn’t think it was appropriate. She even flirted with my husband!’
Shanna laughs about it now, adding, ‘I thought, ‘I might have a baby for someone I don’t even like’.
The second transfer also failed after Shanna’s blood values were negative again.
“I’ve been on medication and hormones the whole time – daily shots and then progesterone shots when you get close to the transfer. That was hard for me,” says Shanna.
“You need to give yourself a month between transfers to go through your own menstrual cycle before starting again.”
On the third transfer, Catherine’s demeanor changed and she seemed friendlier and more relaxed towards Shanna.
When Shanna’s blood results finally came back, the numbers were positive. “When I called to break Catherine the good news, I thought she’d be over the moon, but she didn’t seem too excited,” recalls Shanna.
A few days later, while Shanna was in the early stages of pregnancy, she received a shocking phone call from Catherine. With little foreword and no apology, Catherine told her that she had just given birth to a son who was born to another surrogate mother.
“She said she wanted to tell me before I read it in the papers – and when I realized she never told me she had another surrogate, she said she wasn’t obligated to tell me say.
“After we hung up I was shocked, but I texted her and said, ‘Congratulations, enjoy the baby.’ She didn’t answer.’
Knowing that Catherine has finally had a child and their relationship is so strained, Shanna admits that she briefly thinks there might be some relief if this third pregnancy also fails.
“I hate to say it, but I did it,” she admits. “Part of me wouldn’t wish a loss on anyone, so I struggled with those feelings.
“I still had hope that this would work or that however it went, it would work out for the best. It was a mix of emotions.’
Shanna was monitored by the clinic and took another blood test three days after the call to check her hCG hormone levels. The result was inconclusive – and when she reported it to Catherine, the celebrity just sent a quick reply, saying to keep her updated. Shanna waited, but her hormone levels began to plummet.
“I knew something was going wrong and I contacted Catherine to update her. Since I was unsure about our relationship at the time, I was afraid to even speak to her, so I texted her instead. I said, “I’m sorry it’s bad news… it’s not a miscarriage yet, but looks like it’s going there.”
She inquired about Catherine’s new baby and also asked if she should forward the remaining bills to her.
She was amazed when Catherine wrote back: “Shanna our relationship is over. I am appalled at your coldness at the birth of my child. Forward your invoices.’
She made fun of me and even flirted with my husband
Shanna was paid around US$11,000 (£8,920) plus expenses. She said the contract she signed with Catherine specified a payment of $45,000 for a baby, $55,000 for twins, and $60,000 for triplets or more.
The two women stopped speaking – and two weeks after cutting ties with Catherine, Shanna miscarried.
“It was like a very, very difficult period,” she recalls.
Months later, Catherine was on TV making derogatory comments about surrogates. “I burst into tears,” admits Shanna.
She says she feels Catherine made her feel like an employee.
“I worry that surrogacy is being taken too lightly — you can order your designer clothes and shoes and your designer baby,” says Shanna. “Of course there are times when a woman is not physically able to carry a child – but that’s not all that happens. I think when you have money and privilege, there’s a danger that people will think, “I can get someone to grow me a baby.”
Shanna also believes that women who have their babies through a surrogate should be honest. “I do think they need to be more open and honest about how their baby turned out, instead of just saying, ‘I have a baby!’
“I’m sad for women who take nine months to build this wonderful life and pass it on to someone else, and that the trials they went through go unacknowledged.”
Four years after Shanna and Catherine split, Shanna carried twins for a non-celebrity couple she met at a fertility conference. The births were complicated and Shanna suffered a stroke and seizures and was in intensive care for seven days.
“After the third surrogacy, I almost lost my life. It goes to show that every pregnancy comes with risks – but it all turned out fine in the end,” she says.
Amazingly, she has no regrets about her third surrogacy, instead saying that for the most part it was “another beautiful experience that washed away the difficult time with Catherine.”
The most important thing Shanna says she learned as a surrogate is never to rush into the arrangement.
“I believe both women need to sit down beforehand and work with a reputable surrogacy agency to detail what everyone wants out of this journey. If you don’t, there are so many things that can go wrong.’
Shanna has had a hysterectomy, so there will be no more life for childless men and women. “I’ve had two good experiences and one bad experience, but I don’t regret them,” she says.
“I think women who carry babies for others are heroes and it’s a wonderful thing to do as long as both sides know exactly what they’re getting into.”