“We’re in a platonic relationship, which means there’s no sexuality or romance between the two of us,” explains Maude Boutin St-Pierre. But we have a very strong bond.
Maude and Kathleen each have a spouse. They met at CEGEP about ten years ago. The plan to have a child together arose in their minds very quickly, first as a joke, then as an interesting possibility.
“Our environment told us: ‘It’s a little bit youthful, that’s not how it works’, but the older we get the more we say to ourselves: ‘If this is the best team, why not?’ »
– A quote from Maude Boutin St-Pierre
The two women, who define their bond as “platonically queer,” get along great.
Her project, in her opinion, is not so different from that of some traditional parents.
[Ce qu’on partage] It gets a little closer to the couple! A couple wake up and have lunch together! Let’s go shopping together! illustrated Kathleen. “That’s the image of what we’re told a couple should be,” Maude adds.
Should they one day decide to start a family together, their child would benefit from an expanded parent network: they emphasize that their spouses would support them in this project.
snags
It’s not impossible for two friends to become parents through a co-parenting scheme in Quebec. However, should Maude and Kathleen decide to continue their project, it would be difficult for both of them to be legally recognized as parents.
Two elements in particular complicate their fall.
First, since they are two women, they need a sperm donor outside of their marriage in order to give birth. A problem that, for example, a duo of friends consisting of a man and a woman would not have.
Then the fact that they are in a relationship with other people also confuses the issue.
Adoption and assisted reproduction are offered to singles and couples, but the two women cannot explain that they are a couple with their spouse and boyfriend at the same time.
In the context of co-parenting, it can be difficult to create a bond between parent and child. (archive photo)
Photo: Radio Canada / Zoé Bellehumeur
This is not the type of situation that the law specifically recognizes. says Me Michael Lessard, an attorney and law graduate student at the University of Toronto.
According to him, only one of the two mothers would be legally recognized as a parent if the two women continued on their path, whether through adoption or by resorting to assisted reproduction. This would mean a whole legal and administrative hassle for them in several situations.
The second person who has no lineage has no legal authority. For example, she could not agree to the care of the child in the hospital. For example, she couldn’t choose the school that the child should go to. , he said.
Not allowed
In his massive reform of family law, due to be presented by the end of this session of Parliament, Minister Simon Jolin-Barrette has no plans to amend the rules to allow for the kind of parenting Maude and Kathleen want.
The rules actually don’t allow two friends to start a parenting project, Elizabeth Gosselin, spokeswoman for the attorney general’s office, said via email. The proposed family law reform, Bill 12, does not provide for this change.
Attorney General Simon Jolin-Barrette has been working on reforming family law in Quebec for several years. (archive photo)
Photo: The Canadian Press / Jacques Boissinot
Minister Simon Jolin-Barrette’s office reiterates that this reform is in the interests of children.
What options?
One possible path for Maude and Kathleen would be to leave their respective spouses and come together as a couple. However, this option is rejected by the two women, believing that Quebec should review its regulations.
I don’t feel like leaving my boyfriend to show society that I really care about Maude when I’ve been with Maude for 11 years. says Kathleen. We are not yet at the point where we will be a family. I confess that I naively hope things will change by then.
According to Me Michael Lessard, the question could also end up in court, but the two friends do not know whether they are ready to get involved in such a process.
I’m afraid I don’t have the strength, Maude thinks.
It’s about defending fundamental rights, adds Kathleen. It hurts to say, “Hey, I have a right to exist too. I think I can give anything to a child and I will, why don’t you give me that right?”
The two women started a podcast on atypical family formulas this spring.
Called Parentèle – looking for a family similar to us, the exercise allowed them to talk about their experiences and meet people with different ideas about family.