For better or for worse, for better or for worse, for better or for worse, ’till death do us part… Or maybe not? Let’s be practical: Death isn’t usually the factor that destroys modern marriages. However, according to the world’s largest medical library, money is one of the most common causes of divorce.
Here’s how you should manage your money if you want your marriage to work. Photo: Getty Images
A report by the US National Library of Medicine (NLM) based on data from 2000 to 2021 shows that 37% of all divorces in the US are due to financial problems. Marriage too early, too many arguments or conflicts, infidelity and lack of commitment were other main reasons for a breakup.
With many couples getting married this spring and summer as the hot wedding season kicks off, husbands, wives and an event consultant from Fidelity Investments, a firm specializing in wealth management and pension funds, have shared some solutions to avoiding this problem.
Why Does Money Destroy Marriages?
Meredith Stoddard, director of the Fidelity Life Events Experience, believes that a lack of communication about money is basically the first trigger. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a couple with high purchasing power or a low income.
The key to not becoming just another statistic is to be open and clear about how you can pool — or split — your finances. Yes, it’s a touchy subject, but “it’s important to have an open dialogue when it comes to income, debt or credit, expenses, future goals and more,” Stoddard told FoxNews.
“Every relationship is unique, as is the way each couple manages their finances,” she noted. “Whether you’re combining all assets, keeping them separate, or employing a hybrid solution, it’s critical to align with common short-term and long-term financial goals to best determine which approach works best.”
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Never keep secrets
Stoddard emphasized that keeping secrets, especially financial ones, can damage marriages in several ways. “Avoiding a difficult conversation may seem like the solution, but the reality is that it will have a negative long-term impact, not only on the mutual finances but can also put pressure on the relationship.”
Strengthening communication and avoiding concealment of information will help to overcome problems such as debt or lack of financial autonomy. 84 percent of married couples in a Fidelity survey who say they communicate well say money isn’t their biggest relationship challenge, compared to 59 percent of couples who say they don’t communicate well.
“It’s rare for two different people to be on the same page, let alone all the time. The most important thing you can do is find something that meets your needs, both as an individual and as a couple,” Stoddard encouraged.
Align financial goals
Ideally, each couple should have several financial discussions to align with their goals as the relationship develops. It doesn’t matter if some prefer to keep their bank accounts separate or decide to set up a joint account because of the income disparity.
“Discuss your views and expectations about finances before you move or get married,” Christina Cianci, a speech-language pathologist who has been married since 2020, told FoxNews. “You don’t have to follow any model. You can create your own system that works best for you and your family.”
Weddings don’t have to be that expensive. Photo: Getty Images
When it comes to wedding expenses, some couples advise against spending too much money.
In mid-May, a Georgia couple went viral after ordering less than $2,000 food from Chili’s Bar & Grill for their 99-guest wedding. They ordered a party buffet at a local restaurant three days before the big day, the bride said on her TikTok account.
“Don’t go overboard with the details,” advises Jessie Vallillo, a human resources professional who got married last year. “No guest cares. The surcharge for larger centerpieces or fancy invitations is not worth it.”
According to The Knot data cited by Forbes, the median cost of a wedding in the United States in 2021 was $28,000.
The goal is the start of a new life: ask for gift vouchers
Vallillo and others said setting up a joint account for all checks received as wedding gifts would be a smart move, stressing that weddings should be about the life you create together, not a single day of celebration .
“Ultimately, the reason you get married is to start a new chapter with the person you love,” Vallillo added. “Planning a wedding can be stressful, but spending all your money in one day can create stress for the rest of your life that will likely lead to resentment towards your partner,” he concluded.
Fidelity reminds new couples not to get too caught up in the honeymoon phase and don’t forget tasks like reviewing insurance plans, updating or making a will, and determining beneficiary designations.
“I can’t stress this enough,” Stoddard remarked, “Communication is key.” “Develop an honest conversation about money early on to set yourself up for future success.”
The expert also asks married couples to take some time during the month to do financial auditing and make sure both are pursuing their common goals in a real and practical way.
average cost of a divorce
However, nearly half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce, which causes great stress for all family members, both emotionally and financially.
According to Forbes, the average cost of a divorce is $15,000 per person and can rise to $100,000 in a more complicated situation, such as a custody battle.
In a 2004-2014 study cited by the journal, women over 50 who divorced saw their standard of living fall by 45%, while men’s standard of living fell by 21%. Children of divorced parents often suffer from disrupted routines and conflicting emotional attachments, and are often in need of family counseling services.
Couples who handle money together are happier
“Money can’t buy me love,” the Beatles sang, but married couples who manage their finances together can love and be happy longer, according to a study by Indiana University’s Kelley School of Business.
“When we surveyed people with different lengths of relationships, those who had combined their accounts reported higher levels of commonality within their marriages than people with separate accounts or even those who had partially combined their finances,” said Jenny Olson, assistant professor for Marketing at Kelley.
Couples who handle money together are happier. Photo: Getty Images
Of the 230 couples who took part in the study, those who shared their finances said they felt “part of a team” and “more cared for.”
“A community relationship is one in which partners respond to each other’s needs because there is a need. “I want to help you because you need it.” “I’m not kidding myself,” Olson said. “There’s a new interpretation of the ‘we’ concept that we theorize is related to a shared bank account.”