While many people are naturals at flirting, others have great difficulty when it comes to approaching someone they like.
Now a new study has found that the best tactics vary by gender, with women wanting men to be funny and generous.
On the other hand, according to researchers in Norway, men prefer the opposite sex to appear sexually available and to laugh at their jokes.
“What’s most effective depends on your gender and whether the purpose of flirting is a long-term or short-term relationship,” said Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair, a professor at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology.
He is part of a research group that includes scientists from Bucknell University in Pennsylvania and the State University of New York at Oswego.
A new study has found that the best flirting tactics differ by gender, with women wanting men to be fun and generous. On the other hand, according to researchers in Norway, men prefer the opposite sex to appear sexually available and to laugh at their jokes
WHAT ARE THE DOS AND DONTS OF FLIRTING?
Which flirting techniques work?
According to researchers in Norway, women want men to be funny and generous when flirting.
On the other hand, however, men prefer the opposite sex to appear sexually available and to laugh at their jokes.
And which ones don’t?
Last month, researchers at the University of Nicosia in Cyprus revealed the 11 most repugnant flirting tactics that are “deal breakers” for many people.
They are:
“Flirting is about different signals that people send to each other. It is done to attract potential partners. Both men and women flirt to get the attention of a desired partner and perhaps achieve a sexual or romantic outcome,” Professor Kennair said.
He has studied flirting in Norway and the US and what people think are effective tactics – for whom and in what context.
“Flirting can be both verbal and non-verbal,” said co-author Joel Wade, presidential professor of psychology at Bucknell University.
So what works?
According to the researchers, women who only want a brief flirtation must clearly signal this to their potential partner.
“People find signals that you’re sexually available to be the most effective,” Kennair said.
However, a very different tactic works in a different mating context.
The study shows that “shows of generosity and commitment work best for men who are looking for a long-term relationship,” said co-author Mons Bendixen.
Men who want to keep a partner for a long time, maybe for life, shouldn’t come across as stingy or faint-hearted or someone who changes partners frequently.
But the most powerful weapon in the flirting arsenal is humor, which almost always works for everyone to some degree, the researchers said.
“People think humor, or the ability to make another person laugh, is most effective for men who are looking for a long-term relationship,” Kennair said.
“It’s least effective for women looking for a one-night stand. But laughing or giggling at each other’s jokes is an effective flirting tactic for both sexes.”
Co-author Rebecca Burch of the State University of New York at Oswego said, “Not only is being funny effective, but it’s very important for women to show your potential partner that you think they’re funny.”
But while humor is something to include in your toolkit, the researchers said people shouldn’t necessarily start with it.
“What’s most effective depends on your gender and whether the purpose of flirting is a long-term or short-term relationship,” said Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair, a professor at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology
“Smiles and eye contact are important. Then you can build your flirting skills on top of that and use more advanced tactics,” Kennair said.
The researchers also found that flirting was broadly the same in the US and Norway, suggesting such techniques are broadly universal.
It is only to a lesser extent culturally dependent, for example in people’s body language, in the first contact and in the degree of generosity.
However, it also shows that people fine-tune their flirting techniques based on their culture’s emphasis, which is a smart, flexible strategy, Burch said.
The researchers surveyed around 1,000 students in Norway and the United States.
Each participant rated how effective 40 different types of flirting were for a long-term or short-term relationship and whether the flirt was male or female.
Participants were randomly assigned to the four versions of the questionnaire.
The researchers took into account participants’ extroversion, age, religiosity, willingness to relate, and partner value, i.e. how attractive you are on the dating market.
“Individual differences in age, religiosity, extroversion, personal attractiveness, and preferences for short-term sexual relationships had little or no impact on how effective respondents rated various flirting tactics,” Bendixen said.
It suggests that our personality may be less relevant when it comes to how we judge other people’s flirtatious behavior.
“However, we believe that personal characteristics influence the types of flirting that people use themselves,” Bendixen added.
The study was published in the journal Evolutionary Psychology.
WHAT TACTICS DO PEOPLE USE TO DISABLE THEMSELVES?
Researchers at the University of New Brunswick asked 362 straight adults how they fought off temptations to cheat in a relationship.
1. “Relationship Improvement”
Seventy-five percent of study respondents, ages 19 to 63, chose “relationship improvement” as their primary tactic.
This trick included things like taking their partner out on a date, making extra effort with how they look around them, or having more sex with them.
2. “Proactive avoidance”
The second most popular was “proactive avoidance,” which involved staying away from temptation.
People not only avoided temptation physically, but also avoided engaging in conversation with that person.
3. “Rejection of Temptation”
The third and final tactic used by people was “deviating from temptation,” which involved feeling guilty and thinking of the seductive person in a negative light.
Participants reported flirting less when using the last strategy of “deviating from temptation.”
But neither strategy had an impact on the extent of romantic infidelity, sexual infidelity, and whether the relationship survived.
The psychologist dr. Alex Fradera, who was not involved in the research, said the results show that once a sense of temptation has crept in, little can be done.