Controversial opinion: Asking your date what they do for a living is important.
Now, before you rip my head off and inundate me with scathing feedback like “She’s so shallow” and “As long as you’re nice, everything matters” (snoring!), I have a good reason for it.
You know, I recently had a date that turned out to be a total disaster! Why? Well, his job should have been the first sign that it was never going to work out.
It all started on a clear Sunday afternoon when I headed out with the girls for some wine and a laugh. A friend of mine accidentally cut her finger on a sharp oyster shell and a man from the table next to us ran to the bar and asked for a band-aid. This Prince Charming came back with the Band Aid and saved the day.
It was all very attractive and before I knew it we were talking intensely. We exchanged numbers and agreed on an appointment.
“It might seem superficial and slightly judgmental, but I’ll tell you honestly, it matters what a date does for a living,” says Jana
He texted me that he had a vegan café and invited me to a vegan banquet. I found this odd and could be fun. Spoiler alert: It wasn’t fun.
As we chatted over a surprisingly delicious lentil bolognese, it quickly became clear that he wasn’t just a normal vegan, but a committed vegan. He would show up on farms and steal chickens, let cows out of their paddocks, and abused farmers. Yes.
I couldn’t help it; I ended up telling him that my parents have a cattle shed (true story) and if he showed up on our farm I would have become a villain. It’s safe to say that the date ended with me storming out and blocking him on all social accounts.
Errggg disaster.
Well, you might just brush that away and say, well, that’s just one example of how his job was a sure sign the relationship was never going to work out. But it reminded me of a date I had a year ago.
We met through a dating app and had a nice chat about life, love and all those things when we got to the topic of favorite podcasts. I said I liked “Call her Daddy” and the guy told me he was dreading dating someone like host Alexandra, who was open about sex in all its glory.
“Think about it… how much time do you spend chatting with your partner about your day?” Quite a chunk of it, right! “You want to at least hear something that interests you,” she said
Looking horrified, he said he’d never date someone who talked so casually and about “bedroom themes,” saying, “Girls have to keep it dressy.” Ouch.
It is as if I had traveled back in time. As someone who believes that a love life can only thrive through an open and honest dialogue about sex, this was a red flag. Given my job as a dating columnist, he was clearly not a good fit for me. I got far too much pleasure showing him some of my items.
Again, it could have saved us a lot of time and energy if we had talked openly about what we both do for a living.
Another friend had a date with an “entrepreneur” #redflag.
She figured that meant he had multiple companies and might be an accomplished tech genius. No, it was just a code word for lazy and unemployed. So I think we need to give prospective lovers more weight in what they do for a living.
It may seem superficial and slightly judgmental, but I’ll tell you honestly, it’s important. Think about it…how much time do you spend chatting with your partner about your day? Quite a part of it, right! You want to hear at least something that interests you.
Someone with a creative job, like a musician, would probably have trouble finding an interesting conversation with someone more methodical, like a computer programmer. I’m not saying one is exciting and the other boring, but the two don’t really match in terms of interest.
With that in mind, here are the jobs that are absolutely off-limits to me.
“I like my men to be slightly eccentric,” says Jana, who is attracted to creative guys like actors
Accountant
First, because they would be appalled at the way I total my expenses and keep a budget (I don’t!), and second, because I love chatting with my partner about their day. I want to hear about the drama, theatricality and the interesting meetings they had. Numbers just aren’t my thing.
pharmacist
Medical conversations put me to sleep, and I say that with love because I have two family members who work in this profession. All those weird long words and technical terms. I’m not going to match you, and to be fair, I don’t want to either.
office manager
While I’d kill to have her organizational skills, I’m afraid my messy life would drive her a little crazy. My home is eclectic, there is absolutely no order, I like to make on-the-fly plans and the only lists I make are for groceries. I’m afraid we wouldn’t have much in common.
And here are the jobs that would appeal to me (metaphorically and technically wink wink).
“Anyone who can conjure up a masterpiece with their hands that delights all the senses fascinates me,” said Jana about chefs
Actor
I like my men slightly eccentric. Would you like to hop in a car and drive to Byron Bay tonight? Damn yes! Would you like to watch me play a serial killer in a play? Definitely.
doctors or nurses
This is a job I could listen to stories about all day! Tell me who came into the emergency room today. Yes, I want to hear about the worst injury you’ve ever seen. Let’s order another bottle of wine, because you have my full attention.
cooks
Obviously not vegan (still triggered), but anyone who can whip up a masterpiece with their hands that delights all the senses is someone who fascinates me. Especially considering I don’t have the patience or skills to make anything that doesn’t just take it out of the box and pop it in the microwave. I love watching a man in the kitchen. Nothing more sexual.
So my type is definitely someone who is more versatile and creative. That would easily drive a man who is robust, methodical and orderly insane.
I’m not for him and he’s not for me.
So asking someone what they do for a living is a neat little trick to find out what interests them. An easy way not to waste each other’s time and wallet.
Simply.