A woman has been accused of being “ridiculous” and “demanding” after giving an ultimatum to her sister who was about to be married.
In a post on the r/AmItheA–hole (AITA) subreddit — a forum where users try to figure out whether or not they were wrong in an argument — she revealed that her sister’s wedding is taking place in a completely different state , and is having trouble finding someone to babysit her son while she’s away.
She told her sister to pay for her son’s childcare or she would not attend the wedding.
In her Reddit post, the 25-year-old explained that her older sister’s wedding is in a few months and the invitations just went out. She had been invited as a regular and not as a bridesmaid or maid of honor as the two live far apart.
Although she said she would like to be there for her sister’s big day, she is a single mother of her 6-year-old son and has no way of finding anyone to look after him while she is away. Nor can she take him to the wedding, as her sister specifically stated that it would be a child-free ceremony.
“Because it’s in your state, I would have to commute and probably be away from home for two full days. I can’t let the family take care of my son as they will all be in the house. Marriage. And I don’t really have any friends who would babysit for two days,” she wrote.
In order to find a solution, she turned to her sister and asked if, despite the regulation, it was possible to bring her son to the wedding. She tried to explain to him that he is young and cannot be left alone without supervision for that long, which is difficult for her to find.
When her sister lobbied for their marriage to be child-free, she asked if it would be possible for her to give her money to hire a nanny or babysitter to look after him, but her sister again declined .
“She was offended and said, ‘Children and marriage are both part of life,’ and I have to say, ‘Just find out, it’s my kid, my problem.’ That’s true, but also… her wedding, she made it a problem by not allowing me to bring my child,” she continued.
It was at this point that she decided to give her sister an ultimatum. If she didn’t pay for childcare, she wouldn’t be able to attend the wedding. However, this only annoyed her sister even more.
“She just called me ‘ridiculous’ and ‘demanding.'” She said she shouldn’t have to pay for my child and that being an adult means knowing how to take care of something like that,” she recalled her sister’s reaction.
“I find that ridiculous. Money is tight. Childcare is expensive. I just can’t afford to have anyone babysit my 6-year-old and most people would just let me take him to the wedding,” she added, noting that now her entire family is upset that she’s the big one Missed her sister’s day.
Many people in the comments section claimed that it was unfair that she didn’t attend her sister’s wedding.
Unfortunately, she’s right about childcare being expensive, especially for two days, because that’s how long it would take her to travel to the wedding. According to a recent Care.com survey, 51% of parents say they spend more than 20% of their household income on childcare, and 72% of parents say they spend 10% or more. Many parents also feel that childcare prices will continue to rise.
Over half, 63%, of parents say childcare has become more expensive in the past year. Many say this is due to the increased cost of daycare (46%), inflation (41%) and the fact that daycare is taking fewer children (36%).
Despite the single mother’s legitimate concerns that she might not be able to find someone to look after her son to attend her sister’s wedding, many people felt it was unfair to blame her sister for all of this.
“She has no obligation to your child. It’s her anniversary, she can set the rules however she wants,” one Reddit user pointed out, while another user added, “It’s her choice. You asked for an exception; she said no.” That should have been the end of the discussion. Continuing to ask her for help is unreasonable.”
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However, others felt that her sister may have been a bit harsh in ending any talks about finding a solution.
“Your sister also has no right to be angry with her sister for not coming. She can choose to have a child-free wedding, but she can’t require people to come with children,” a third user interjected.
A fourth user agreed, writing: “They can’t afford to go there, they can’t afford to help, not going there is the only option.” I’m not sure what the problem is.”
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work explores contemporary issues and experiences.