Doctor of Psychology, expert and researcher in psychoanalysis. Author and founder of Psipadvisor
We usually think that having a partner by our side equals happiness. But you only have to look around to see that despite a long-standing and seemingly stable relationship, many people are not happy at all. Certainly it can give us satisfaction to have a partner by our side who makes us happy and fulfilled. However, time is always against them, especially when both fall into monotony, misunderstandings and lack of complicity and do nothing to get out of it. For this reason, many couples cannot understand each other. and they end up feeling unsatisfied without knowing why.
There’s nothing worse than sluggishness in a relationship that’s ending
Continuing a relationship when all of the initial assumptions of the relationship are missing becomes complicated. If the initial relationship takes a “different path” without paying attention to the development of the relationship, emotions can arise that prevent you from enjoying life. Often, the fact that our partner was close to us at a particularly difficult moment in our lives becomes a double-edged sword: in fact, the gratitude we feel towards them turns into a boomerang that prevents us from loving them leave her despite the fact that we now realize that we don’t have deep feelings.
9 signs that you are no longer happy with your partner
Most people don’t like change; It feels very good to be in your comfort zone and to get out of it. Sometimes they even go so far as to deny even the most obvious things, e.g. B. Being dissatisfied with your partner. It’s a mechanism that activates itself automatically to protect itself from change, and it’s a common occurrence, especially when we’ve been together for many years. In these cases, both of them usually try to hold on to the past because they don’t want to admit that they are no longer happy with each other.
There are attitudes and emotions that arise when love ends or when for some reason you are no longer happy with your partner. Recognizing these behaviors is very important as they invite us to make a final decision or perhaps do something to regain what we have lost.
1. There is no emotional connection | First symptom: lack of empathetic communication in the relationship
In a relationship, empathic communication is everything: maybe there was a strong understanding at the beginning of the relationship; One look was enough to understand each other. There was understanding, complicity, respect, appreciation… and now? And now it happens that you are in the car with your partner or you are sitting at a table in a restaurant and neither of you knows what to say. You try to talk, you look for a comparison about a decision you don’t share, but you immediately understand that it’s only worse; You curse and feel lost because your words are distorted… and end up arguing!
2. There is no physical connection | Second symptom: lack of desire for the partner
Over the years, sex life may suffer, but I’m not referring to frequency; You can make love once a week or maybe once a month, but there has to be a desire! Sex must not become routine, one repetitive act among many. When the stimuli are missing, when there is no longer any desire, the worst happens: you start lying. Trivial excuses (tiredness, headaches) are sought to avoid mediocre and unfulfilling sex.
3. The shortcomings of the other come to light | Third symptom: discomfort at everything your partner says or does
In the initial phase of the relationship, love is so great that it blinds us, everything the other does seems enchanting to us. Over time, this intense passion gives way to reality and mistakes appear. In the beginning it’s about trivial things: a gesture, a way of expression, taste in music. In a mature relationship we accept them and even live comfortably with these shortcomings, but sometimes this doesn’t happen. So, each other’s flaws start to annoy us, imperfections end up annoying us and maybe even become a reason for a fight.
4. Destructive Criticism Begins | Fourth symptom: You do not criticize with the aim of improving something, but only to hurt or for the pleasure of criticism
In every relationship there are discussions and criticism. It’s normal to have disagreements and if it didn’t, it would even be a nuisance! However, if you are constantly criticizing your partner and everything they do irritates us, such as leaving a glass on the table or perhaps making an involuntary noise, we may have stopped loving that person. If you are not criticizing with the aim of making something better, but only with the intention of hurting or just enjoying the criticism, it is better to evaluate your relationship, because if this situation is not put to an end, it could do great damage arrange .
5. Every confrontation turns into a fight | Fifth Symptom: We fight with ourselves about the stupidest things
In any relationship, situations develop: you decide to have a child, to move, to take out a mortgage. The children grow up, the responsibilities increase… at this point the conflict is inevitable; We don’t always agree on everything! But when every little confrontation or confrontation becomes a cause for argument, it means you start to go beyond that and generalize. Some examples: “You always come home late”, “You never think about hanging up your clothes”. Raising your voice and arguing about anything becomes a habit and you become impatient or angry with the other person.
6. We don’t do anything together anymore | Sixth symptom: You no longer have any charms towards your partner
The beginning of a relationship is marked by the desire to do something, by enthusiasm… travelling, picnics, cinema. Then the years pass, the couple’s priorities change, and enthusiasm takes over from routine. You don’t want to get your partner involved in anything anymore… You’re limited to the classic routine outings.
7. You start looking around | Seventh Symptom: You begin to think destructively to the couple.
Fantasizing about what your life would be like if you were single again is certainly a very powerful signal you are sending to yourself. Do you look around? This is the most noticeable alarm bell. When you start making comparisons in your mind, it means you are not happy with your partner.
8. together but separately | Eighth Symptom: His presence annoys you
Your partner offers to do something together and you find an excuse to dissuade him. This means you’ve lost interest in being together, preferring other activities…like hanging out with friends, watching TV, or being alone.
9. Criticism begins in the presence of strangers | Ninth Symptom: You don’t value your partner’s positive qualities and only focus on the negative ones.
We all have flaws and don’t always manage to reach the goals we set out for, but the couple’s role is also to support each other in difficult times. If instead you start despising him, insulting him even in the presence of friends or relatives, or always communicating sarcastically, the love is probably at an end.
Ok, I don’t love him… now what?
It will be the fear of loneliness, of losing your connection with your children, of change… but accepting that you are no longer happy with your partner is not easy. When the relationship is compromised and everything indicates that you are unhappy, there are two things you can do: close this chapter or fight to revive it and find the strength to stay together again. If you don’t feel the desire to fight, if you don’t make efforts to improve the situation, you just have to end the relationship. I know it’s not easy to admit that you’re unhappy with your partner, but not admitting it condemns you to a fate you don’t deserve. Remember that you have a way forward called “LIFE” and that way is yours alone. Your job is to walk your true path and feel good about yourself.
A read about happy life as a single and as a couple
«Love will make you sick, LOVE will heal you» is the second book and the FIRST book in psychology to provide an open and candid analysis of how the psychoaffective dynamics that have accompanied us from our birth to the present day work. It is by far the first psychology book to take a 360° look at the biological underpinnings that accompany human development and how these affect processes such as attraction, infatuation, love and… emotional joints! Yes, emotional entanglements are different than love, and in the book we draw a clear line between healthy (and good) interpersonal dynamics and those that are dysfunctional and ultimately damage or even destroy our identity. How many of us have actually been lost through merging with the pair? How many of us have neglected our own needs for the sake of others? Unfortunately many!
When we are a couple, they forget to nurture our identity and enforce the legitimate needs that are the ABCs of personal psychophysical well-being. However, there is a confident way to assert ourselves and assert our needs! It is “only” necessary to learn to listen to each other, to understand each other deeply and to communicate to the outside what we carry within us. As? Especially healing. In fact, I’m not telling you a fairy tale in this book, I’m not sweetening your pill, no one is going to say that healing yourself is a piece of cake. I’m not telling you a love story, I’m giving you the tools to compose “A LIFE OF YOURS”, rich, very rich and full of emotions to be experienced. Because emotions have to be lived and not suffered, just like love. Learn to experience the love you deserve. Because as I write in the introduction to the book: “It is never someone else’s love that heals you, but the love you give yourself.” You can find the book on Amazon, at this address and in all online shops .
Edited by Ana Maria Sepe, psychologist and founder of the journal Psicoasvisor
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