With the growing black market sperm donation industry, women desperate to have children are being lured into unprotected sex.
The rise of same-sex couples and aging mothers has seen the cost of a round of IVF escalate to as much as $30,000 in recent decades, leaving many unable to afford the official route.
More and more parents-to-be are turning to a Facebook group where men are offered the chance to donate their sperm for free or for a small fee – but often with demands. Many only agree to “natural insemination” — sex — or “partial insemination,” where the man masturbates and penetrates the woman just before ejaculation.
For women who refuse sex, the alternative can be just as humiliating and unsafe, as some meet in parking lots, in hotels, or even in Starbucks restrooms to exchange samples. Experts say that unregulated sperm donation increases the risk of sexually transmitted diseases, which can leave a woman infertile or result in a non-viable pregnancy.
In 2017, Stacii Nicole, 32, and her wife joined what is now the largest sperm donation group in the United States, Sperm Donation USA. At that time it had around 5,000 members. There are now almost 24,000.
Stacii Nicole (pictured right), 32, and her wife
In 2017, the group had around 5,000 members. It is now the largest in the US at almost 24,000
One man even posted a resume entitled “Mr Family Starter” detailing his qualifications
Ms. Nicole and her wife were just about to start their fertility journey with a sperm bank, but when one of their close friends got pregnant through the Facebook group, they decided to give it a try and save money.
After the Kentucky couple found someone willing to perform artificial insemination (AI), the couple called their donor when Ms. Nicole had a positive ovulation test.
They made the four-hour journey from Kentucky to Ohio to meet the donor and his wife in a casino parking lot and collect their first sperm donation.
Ms Nicole said: “We met in Ohio at a casino, which I wouldn’t encourage anyone to do.”
“He practically put his donation in a cup and handed it to us… it was very strange.”
She said, “His wife was very nice, but I’m not even sure how they got the donation.” We know they were in the car, but I don’t know if their saliva could have gotten on it.
“It was very urgent. “It wasn’t professional at all,” she said.
Ms Nicole’s partner inserted the sample into her with a syringe.
“I put my seat all the way back with my legs up [for the four-hour drive back to Kentucky].
“Nobody would have known that this happened in the car next to them while driving.”
The process did not result in pregnancy and the couple settled on another donor based in New York, which had received rave reviews from other members of the Facebook group. And this donor sent his sperm in the mail.
Ms Nicole became pregnant twice but miscarried both times.
She plans to use the second donor until she becomes pregnant after being impressed with his service.
“The donor who actually got us pregnant, he never asked.” [for money]. He just mailed it and inside was an ice pack. He even put gloves and a syringe in for us.
In 2017, her donor fathered 87 children. Now she suspects that he has over 200 offspring.
When asked if that was a concern, Ms Nicole said: “Honestly, no, not at all… because even if you don’t go through the sperm donor bank, I just feel like it’s the same concept, but a easier way.”
Sperm exchange methods vary. In ‘artificial insemination’ (AI) a donor delivers their sperm in a cup or mails it to a recipient and is usually preferred by females in the group, while in ‘natural insemination’ (NI) a donor engages in sex ejaculated in a receiver.
Married father Damien, 30, a donor from Logan, Utah, has contributed to 43 successful pregnancies through artificial insemination.
He told that he strives to donate in an ethical manner and if he were to stop, “recipients may have no choice but to choose an NI donor to be scammed out of money or.” contracting a sexually transmitted disease.”
Stacii Nicole (pictured left) and her wife joined the Sperm Donation USA Facebook group in 2017
He has four children with his wife, who helps him donate sperm because her sister is struggling with infertility.
Other donors post resumes highlighting their most desirable qualities, including one titled “Mr Family Starter,” who says he is a “very approachable, personable, energetic professional from a diverse background who delivers exemplary service.”
His listed hobbies include ax throwing and bungee jumping.
Another man described himself as “26 years old, artistic, ambitious, passionate and ambitious”. Originally from Albania, 1.80m tall, athletic body, love hiking/sports, healthy, no known health problems.’ He received more than 100 comments on his posts.
women are divided. For some, the Facebook group was a lifeline to having the child they always wanted, while others were traumatized by online interactions with racy men who took advantage of them.
Ms Nicole said that when meeting donors online, they asked irrelevant and “creepy” questions, like what she was wearing. It took her and her wife six months to find a donor after “many, many talks about natural insemination failed,” Ms Nicole told .
She said, “We were very confident and said we really want to do AI.” But they’ll try to say, “Oh, that’s better. It’ll work.” But I guess it’s just her own gratification.”
The sperm donation community is essentially self-regulated, and it is the recipient’s responsibility to request and sometimes pay for STI testing, clarify what documentation the donor will provide, and how much, if any, contact the donor will have with the child becomes .
The advantages of the unregulated practice are that most donors offer their sperm for free and recipients can communicate with the selected donor throughout the process.
But the risks are great. dr Beckley said: “[The men] could be infected with any sexually transmitted disease such as AIDS. HIV would probably be the worst… STDs can render a woman infertile. It’s a huge risk.
“It also depends on how long ago the tests were.” If you had an STI test and had unprotected sex the next day, you could be a carrier.
“Unless they did it the day before and promised not to have had any further sexual relations since … but you still trust them.”
STIs can be transmitted through semen. Also, there is no limit to how much sperm a donor can donate, increasing the risk of two blood relatives having a child themselves without knowing they are related.
This could lead to children having cognitive difficulties, heart defects and hearing disorders, as well as other genetically inherited diseases.
Emilie Parker from Texas has a baby daughter from a donor. She told her daughter was born with a heart defect and has learning difficulties.
One man described himself as “26 years old, artistic, very ambitious, passionate and ambitious”. Originally from Albania, 185cm tall, athletic body, love hiking/sports, healthy, no known health problems.’ He received over 100 comments on his posts
Sperm exchanges took place in Starbucks restrooms and in car parks
She hopes to find another donor for a sibling for her daughter in the Facebook group as her husband is infertile.
dr Amy Beckley, CEO of Proov, an infertility diagnostics company, told : “You need genetic diversity.”
“If you get offspring from someone who is a close relative and you are a carrier of something and that person is a carrier of the same thing, there is a higher chance that something will happen [the child] actually have the disease.’
She said the more important thing is what will happen as children grow older, especially with the advent of 23andme and other ancestry services that allow people to trace their ancestry.
dr Beckley said: “People are starting to figure out who their siblings are. Maybe the donor will reach out to the children, or they will reach out to the donor and then there will be legal ramifications because no document has been drawn up that says ‘I’ll give you this sperm and I don’t want anything to do with the child.
“Or vice versa if you have this child and you are trying to collect child support.”
“There’s a reason lawyers write agreements so things like this don’t get messed up,” she added.
The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) suggests that in a population of 800,000 people, a single donor should be limited to 25 births. However, this is not required by law. In addition, there is no central tracking system and not all births are reported.
Donors offer their services
There are also genetic incompatibilities that donors and recipients may not even be aware of.
dr Proov CEO Amy Beckley told she wouldn’t recommend people using Facebook groups to get semen
dr Beckley said, “The biggest disease is cystic fibrosis.” If you are a carrier of that particular gene and the other partner is also a carrier and they have offspring, then that person will have the disease.
For many families, however, it’s worth the risk considering that IVF treatment costs $12,000 for one round and is only covered by some health plans.
Meanwhile, the rising number of women choosing to have children later in life and same-sex couples trying to conceive has led more and more people to seek accessible reproductive options.
And while donors offering their sperm for free are considered an act of goodwill, it is illegal in the US to pay or charge for the sale of sperm.
In the United States, sperm donation and parental rights laws are determined by each state, and there is no single federal law that applies uniformly.
Some donors offer mail order, but this method is considered to be far less reliable due to the possibility that the sperm may have died before it reaches the recipient.
dr Beckley said, “If they ship it, you can almost guarantee it.” [the sperm are] Died upon arrival.
“You really have to control it, and it’s difficult for the average person to freeze the sample and thaw it and be totally normal on the other end.”
“You can do it in the lab under special conditions where you freeze it very quickly, or you can use liquid nitrogen and you can separate some of it so it’s more like pure sperm and not sperm.” But again, in a lab you can don’t do that at home.”
In addition to NI and AI, there is also PI – partial insemination – in which the man masturbates and penetrates the woman just before ejaculation.
Posts seen by also mention the ‘Plus’ AI option, where the woman manually helps the donor place the sample in the cup.
Almost all posts from women state “no natural insemination” or “only artificial insemination”, and almost all posts from men make it clear that they prefer natural insemination. Some have argued that natural insemination increases the chances of conception.
Damien, a donor himself, said, “It’s simple — they want sex.” I used to be an admin of a group with more than 3,000 members and I’ve seen them even try to lie to recipients that it’s more effective than AI (basically they are the same, but everyone has different strategies to get the best results).”
dr Beckley also questioned the motives of the men in the Facebook groups.
“Some men probably just want one kid and haven’t found a good partner.” Some of them may be using it as a dating technique. They like to meet and do the rehearsal on site. Maybe they just want a hand job.
She added that she believes some men in the group knowingly donate with STDs.
“You see people with these diseases trying to give their samples untested because, for example, they’ve been rejected by sperm banks for some reason.”
dr Beckley said, “I think if it were a reputable person, they would donate samples through a sperm bank.” [that way]’.
But dr Beckley said if a donor “has a normal sperm count, then there is no significant scientific evidence that natural or artificial sperm is better or worse.”
Married father Damien, 30, a donor from Logan, Utah, has contributed to 43 successful pregnancies. In his donor profile, he describes himself as “a six foot tall, athletic, multiracial Hispanic.”
Men often prefer natural insemination, which involves the exchange of sperm during sex
Damien has been a donor for four and a half years and, like wife Nicole, is not worried about a child accidentally dating their half-sibling.
Damien said: “The concerns about the children’s dating are overblown and statistically unlikely.”
Like some other donors, he has a recipient-only private Facebook group that they can join “to prevent something like this from happening”.
He plans to continue donating indefinitely, but said he might stop if enough previous recipients asked him to.
Damien said: “I’m healthy and I try to donate responsibly and ethically, but if I stop, recipients may have no choice but to choose to be an NI donor instead of being scammed out of money or contracting an STD to contract.”
But he added, “Even if I weren’t married, I wouldn’t do natural insemination.” STDs are a real risk and not worth it.”
Once a month, he conducts STI tests, which he makes available to recipients. He also performs parentage testing and performs specific genetic testing when necessary.
When choosing who to donate to, he asks potential recipients questions about their financial stability, criminal history, drug use, childhood, and whether there has been abuse.
“Financial stability is important. Being able to respond to children’s emotional needs is also very important,” Damien said.
He charges around $350-$400 for shipping. This includes the cost of a special semen preservation container and overnight FedEx shipping to the recipient.
If recipients travel to him, there are no costs. He provides a sterile syringe with a cap for every donation.
He said he’s donating because he wants to help others, especially those in the LGBTQIA+ community. He told : “I have a lot of friends and family who are a part of this and wanted to find a way to give back.”
One of Damien’s recipients, whose baby was born in February 2023, said he was “just kind, discreet and respectful.”
If a woman becomes pregnant and at the same time contracts an STD from a donor, “her entire pregnancy is fundamentally at risk.” said dr Beckley.
Potential recipients post their donor requirements
The community is self-regulating, but not all exchanges work
“STIs can increase the risk of miscarriage and also lead to premature birth.” Your entire pregnancy is fundamentally at risk. If she survived the pregnancy, she might have been treated or the pregnancy went away; Depending on what type of STD it was, she could be at risk of infertility later.
“Many of these STDs infect the reproductive tract and cause scarring, which can result in the ovaries not releasing eggs, the fallopian tubes blocking up, and so she could have been perfectly fine and then be infertile with the next pregnancy. “.’
dr Beckley said she doesn’t blame the women who use the Facebook groups, but said there is a risk that when women are so desperate to have a child, they overlook the risks involved in collecting sperm from a stranger come along from the internet.
“These women would do anything and they come.” [onto Facebook] and they say, “I’d do anything for a baby. We’ve tried everything, I need help.’ It’s really desperate.’
She said they might think, “Maybe it used to be important to me, but now I just want a baby.”
But ultimately, Dr. Beckley before the groups: “I would discourage them as much as possible … I would try to get them to an actual doctor’s appointment to have an actual doctor tell them; That’s the worst idea you’ve ever had.