Writer and journalist Sarah Sands speaks with the restraint of a first woman. She walks lightly through the delicate etiquette of mourning; does not dare to mourn with the passion of her successor.
Sarah was married for just three years to actor Julian Sands, whose remains were found in a remote California mountain ravine in June, though they “were never out of each other’s sight” during the six “golden” years of their youth.
They had one child together: Henry is now 37 and the father of their grandson, three-year-old Billy.
Sarah later edited the Evening Standard and was Editor of Today on BBC Radio 4 from 2017 to 2020. She now sits on the Board of Channel 4, is Deputy Chair of the British Council and Trustee of the Science Museum.
And now, as she speaks exclusively to the Mail about Julian’s death for the first time, she also reveals how one blissful evening – just when the Oscar-winning film A Room With A View, in which he starred, was gaining universal acclaim When her life in Venice seemed almost sublime, he left her and her young son.
Writer and journalist Sarah Sands (pictured) speaks exclusively to the Mail for the first time about the death of her ex-husband Julian Sands
The body of actor Julian Sands, best known for starring in the Oscar-winning film A Room With a View, was found in a remote California mountain canyon in June
“Julian had to take the perfection down.” Just when things were going well with the film and we had Henry; “It was at that point that his anxiety took over,” she says. “He didn’t leave me for anyone.” There was no plan. He just said he was going to California.’
The revelation is breathtaking, but it also gets to the core of the man he was: “He always had to take the hard way.” Even in the end he was looking for a challenge,” she says. “That’s why he went beyond the limits of human endurance on the mountain.”
He died in terrible weather while hiking during a snowstorm in the San Gabriel Mountains above Los Angeles, where he was with his second wife of 33 years, American playwright, journalist and author Evgenia Citkowitz, and their daughters Natalya (27) and Imogen (23) lived.
Sarah was in Norfolk with Henry in January when he learned his father had not returned from a day trip up Mount Baldy.
“When Evgenia called to say Jules was missing, Henry’s first instinct was to fly and find him. Then it was a question of organizing and picking him up. People were missing and found. At the time, it didn’t seem final. At the time we thought he could have dug a snow hole, so there was hope.
“Henry went with a very experienced climber and although time and conditions were against them they tried to retrace his route. But it got dangerous. Her hopes were dwindling these days.
“I pictured Jules on the mountain and Henry looking for him.” Her light voice falters briefly; The hazel eyes blur with tears.
“Then during these horrible conditions, there was this limbo. Henry just wanted to overthrow his father. It meant everything to him to find him.’
Sarah (left) was married to actor Julian Sands for just three years, they had a son named Henry who is now 37
Sarah said there was nowhere else her ex-husband would rather be than in the mountains
Julian was missing for five months as avalanches thwarted rescue operations by land and air and forced searches to be halted.
“Henry finally went back after the snow melted in early June.
He prepared the rise well; “He understood Jules’ route and when he got to the top it was difficult to find thousands of volunteers and the local mountain rescue teams were great.” But again, his search was unsuccessful. “He came down about two days later, then Julian was found about 100 meters from where he was looking. Henry made his peace with that. We now know that Jules did not survive the storm. I don’t want to think about whether he died quickly.’ Her eyes blur with tears again.
“Then Henry went back to the little funeral that Evgenia and the girls had arranged with his wife Anna and Billy and everyone said goodbye. They felt close and peaceful.’
The family plans memorial services in Los Angeles and the UK later this year.
“Henry was so brave at that time; practical, imaginative. He and Jules had been particularly close towards the end. He was both a friend and a father, and I think Henry felt responsible for him. They had climbed together and Henry knew there was nowhere else his father would rather be than in the mountains.
“He felt he had a spiritual affinity with them and earned the right to leave his soul up there.”
“As an adult, their relationship as equals was easier for Jules. He was tremendously interesting, funny and sweet, but complex; not inclined to domesticity.
“It’s hard to imagine that he’s old. He was restless, curious; an adventurer both artistically and geographically. I couldn’t imagine him being imprisoned in any way; through illness or old age. He would call it grounded. He always referred to his home as “base camp”.
Actor Julian Sands (left) pictured with his son Henry, who immediately flew off to look for his father when he was told he was missing
Julian was missing for five months as avalanches thwarted rescue operations by land and air and forced searches to be halted
She last saw him at her beloved father’s funeral. Noel Harvey died in January 2022 at the age of 92. His death should herald a year of mourning for Sarah. Her brother, comedian, lyricist and screenwriter Kit Hesketh-Harvey – who counted the royals among his many fans – died unexpectedly in January this year at the age of 65; exhausted by the sheer abundance of his creativity while his heart worked at only 20 percent of its capacity.
Then, of course, came Julian, also 65.
She chronicles her father’s demise in a gentle, loving book that connects her thoughts about mortality with the fate of a hedgehog she, her husband Kim and Billy find critically endangered in their Norfolk garden.
The Hedgehog Diaries rekindles our national affection for these brave, determined little creatures. She drives her own prickly victim, Peggy, to a hedgehog hospital and reports on her progress to her father to cheer her up.
But it’s been a year of losses: in Norfolk, her father’s funeral is followed by Kit’s cremation and then a stoic and heartbreaking little vigil at Bodney Church in Norfolk when Julian goes missing.
She shows me a short video of the tiny congregation huddled against the cold in the small rural church, singing “Onward Christian Soldiers” with as much enthusiasm as they could muster.
She reflects on the dizzying intensity of her early relationship with Julian, which culminated when she – 25 years old and pregnant with Henry – traveled to Florence to film A Room with a View, the film that so stuck Julian anchored in the favor of the nation.
Later, at the Venice Film Festival, Julian fled without explanation as he basked in the aftermath of the film’s success. Their brief, glorious marriage was over.
“We had a wonderful meal in a palazzo. Helena Bonham Carter (Sands’ co-star) and Daniel Day Lewis were there. The hosts were the film’s producer and director, Ismail Merchant and James Ivory. Then, without warning, Jules said, “I just have to go.”
Julian Sands with his wife Evgenia Citkowitz in 1987
Julian Sands pictured with his co-star Helena Bonham-Carter in A Room With A View.
“There was no plan. He just left for California. He didn’t leave me for Evgenia, so I only have good feelings for her. But we had this little kid [Henry was, by then, one]. Jules asked if I would come and I said I would stay at our flat in Kensington. So he literally left that very night.
“I wasn’t upset, just confused and sad.”
“The next morning I thought, ‘I have to go back to Henry’s.’ He was being looked after by friends over the weekend and I had no money with me, so I had to leave my wedding ring with the bosun to get to the airport.
“Jules went to California temporarily, but temporary breakups are difficult because you settle in. I’ve settled into my life; he in his, and it became permanent.’
Award-winning American actor John Malkovich, Henry’s godfather, became his “Manny”. “He loved ironing and washing and sang songs from the musical theater to Henry.
“Julian never came back except a few months later.” He said, “Shall we try again?” I was quite upset at the time and said he had to put up a tent in the garden. But by then it was too late.’
That Julian could leave so resolutely just as they had reached the moment of domestic and professional fulfillment seems almost perverse. But that’s what it’s all about, explains Sarah: “Julian was upset about domesticity. I could see he was restless and probably felt like he was grounded. I couldn’t quite imagine how the situation could resolve itself.
“A room with a view had come out, and looking back I think how much his character in the film, George Emerson, resembled him: that serious sweetness and the passion.” Emerson makes this great statement about embracing life, and it really was like Jules.
“Julian had to take the perfection down.” Just when things were going well with the film and we had Henry; “It was at that point that his anxiety took over,” Sarah told the Mail
The rocky, snow-covered area in Angeles National Forest where the remains of British actor Julian Sands were found
“He married Evgenia and raised their two daughters, to whom he was a valuable father.”
“Julian’s happy and lifelong marriage was to Evgenia, as was mine to Kim.” But Julian and I shared our youth, so that’s where my memories are anchored.
“And I was lucky enough to have Henry and my grandson, Billy, so I’ll always be grateful to Julian for those gifts.”
She remembers their first meeting. Sarah, now 62, was only 18 and a student at Goldsmiths College, University of London: “I chose it because it was punk rock, a very cool place.”
Julian, then 21, was studying at the Central School of Speech and Drama. “I made a cup of tea in the Goldsmiths common room. Julian, strikingly handsome in a black leather jacket, was visiting a friend, an academic named Godfrey Brandt.
“He came by and said he had been watching me and wanted to know a little more about me.”
“He quoted poetry from Harold Pinter and Seamus Heaney.” That was his chat-up line. I was a country girl with peroxide punk hair. I had a very St. Trinian’s style education in the Home Counties and got into this very cool, vibrant art school scene from there. Julian was from Yorkshire and graduated from a southern public school.
“The next day he said, ‘See you again.’ I was going to visit my parents in Kent and he said, ‘I’ll come with you.’ He waited for me while I was visiting. He put his heart into it.’
Sarah said she looks back on her ex-husband with “complete affection”.
Human remains were found when teams searched for Julian Sands in the San Gabriel Mountains of Southern California five months after the actor’s disappearance
Did you fall asleep quickly?
“I guess pretty quickly.”
He was her first “real” lover; an irresistible force.
“Jules always called me Tinkerbell or Tinks, and the name stuck with me. He read a lot. He had stacks of books of poetry and screenplays. He was a protege of Derek Jarman [the late artist, filmmaker and gay rights activist] and I remember being at his house with Julian.
“There was only one thing in the fridge: a small pot, which I later discovered contained amyl nitrate.”
“Julian was a fun mix; was interested in brass rubbings – that was his Yorkshire side – and then there was the cool side: music, art, bands, theatre. But he could also be a bit like Rex Harrison: a very old-fashioned gentleman who talks about wines and antiques. And there were his Yorkshire roots, fun and wild. You could never pin him down.’
They moved with a “nice” group of artists, including actors Kristin Scott Thomas and Ian Charleson, and Lucinda Chambers, who went on to become a major fashion designer. “She lived in a squat around the corner from us,” says Sarah.
Within months, Julian was asking Sarah to move with him to a flat in Kilburn, north-west London: “He worked in a youth club and I was a cinema usher at the Swiss Cottage Odeon.” He would watch the evening films. We started a cabaret club in the basement of Swiss Cottage. “We didn’t have any money, but it was a good time.”
Julian also auditioned for acting roles and had his first big break in the Oscar-winning 1984 film The Killing Fields, in which he played journalist Jon Swain. “That’s when I decided to become a journalist. “After I met Jon Swain, I wanted to be as calm and perceptive as he was,” she says.
She and Jules had an intense relationship: “We weren’t out of each other’s sight for six years,” she says. “He was very keen that we got married. “I was 21 when we held a registry ceremony and later when I was 22 and pregnant with Henry we officially performed it at the church at St Mary The Boltons in Kensington.”
Searches for actor Julian Sands through teams in the San Gabriel Mountains of Southern California
Julian Sands envisioned the 2021 Los Angeles premiere of Death Rider
By now they had bought a basement apartment in South Kensington with the proceeds Julian had earned from The Killing Fields.
“We were a somewhat absurd couple,” she says. “We were both very, very bad at domesticity.” Julian always joked that household appliances drove him crazy because if our washing machine broke he wouldn’t know how to fix it.
“I could see that he was uneasy, but I couldn’t quite imagine how the situation would resolve itself.”
Then came the bolt from the blue: “At the Venice dinner, Julian just said he had to go and wasn’t coming back to Kensington.”
But life seemed to be blessed: After the success of “A Room With A View” the sequel “Maurice” was in the planning stage. Sarah’s brother Kit had worked with James Ivory to write the screenplay.
“We had this beautiful apartment, a great child and Julian was firmly embedded in the Merchant Ivory family.
“I wonder if he just thought, ‘Is that it?’ I put it back to adolescence in large part. When you’re young, you don’t behave very responsibly.
“He said I was becoming ‘less charming’, which I think meant I was becoming more responsible. You need to keep a routine for your child. You can’t just walk away. All the narrowing of life is actually better for children.
In his ‘sanctuary’: Julian Sands is pictured in his living room in 2020
“After he went to America, he became known as the man who couldn’t say ‘yes.'” He rejected many things. He took a different path and started making films that were a lot less mainstream.” I wonder if she ever thought about following him to LA.
“I really didn’t want that,” says Sarah. “There were too many question marks. I had Henry. I needed a conventional job. I had ambitions. I wanted to be good at what I did.’
Henry continued to see his father – he flew to visit with his nanny – and Sarah rose from a local newspaper in Kent to the London Evening Standard.
While working on the latter, she met journalist Kim Fletcher, now 66 and a partner at international corporate communications firm Brunswick.
“When Henry first met Kim, he threw himself down the stairs and Kim caught him. “He was always his best friend and protector,” she says.
They had two more children together, Rafe (31) and Tilly (29). A granddaughter, Cressida, was born to Rafe and his wife Charlotte just before Kit’s funeral.
Meanwhile, Sarah’s mother, Susan, 89, lives on stoically in a Norfolk home and sometimes reports feeling Kit’s presence next to her.
Actor Julian Sands’ death has been confirmed five months after he disappeared while hiking Mount Baldy in California
Sarah’s blissful – and abruptly curtailed – years with Julian are now tinged with an air of nostalgia, all grievances forgotten.
“I look back on Julian with affection. He was beautiful, sweet and so young.
“But there was a core of the unknowable in him. Even at the end.’
The Hedgehog Diaries: A Story of Faith, Hope and Bristle by Sarah Sands is available from New River Books on 14 September for £14.99 © Sarah Sands 2023. Pre-order a copy for £13.49 (offer expires 3 September 2023). .September; United Kingdom). Free postage on orders over £25), go to mailshop.co.uk/books or call 020 3176 2937.