- In her latest column, “Agony Aunt,” best-selling author Jane Green offers advice to a woman whose boyfriend gave her a shocking ultimatum
- Do you have a question for Jane? Email [email protected] or ask below
- READ MORE: I want to have an affair so I don’t leave my sexless marriage
Dear Jane,
My boyfriend and I are scheduled to attend our first wedding as a couple next month.
My best friend is getting married, I’m a bridesmaid and I was so excited to finally bring a boyfriend and not be the only single girl in the room.
However, the bride just told me that the cook for her wedding is a guy I had a one-night stand with a few years ago. It wasn’t a big deal, just a fun, drunken night; I’ve met him a few times since then and he’s always been friendly.
I told my friend because I thought he would find it funny, but he freaked out.
He says he can’t be in the same room as one of my old friends and he’s pissed that I would even think about going there with this guy.
Dear Jane, My boyfriend is trying to ban me from going to my close friend’s wedding because he found out I had a one-night stand with the chef – and says he’ll break up with me if I go
I told him he was crazy and we probably wouldn’t even see the chef. Now he says he definitely won’t come to the wedding and I shouldn’t go either. I’m really upset and think this is a complete overreaction.
Should we both avoid everyone we’ve been with in the past? My boyfriend is a great guy and is usually very rational and laid back, so this feels weird.
I have no idea what to do now. There’s no way I would break up with my boyfriend right now, but I don’t know how my relationship will survive this.
Bestselling author Jane Green offers sage advice on the burning issues facing readers in her Dear Jane Agony Aunty column
Any idea how I can talk some sense into him?
Out of,
I can’t stand the heat
Dear, I can’t stand the heat,
Out now. I cannot express it more clearly.
This type of jealousy is a deal-breaker in relationships.
As you said yourself, should you avoid anyone and everyone we’ve been with in the past?
It is unrealistic and immature to believe that someone from the past, especially someone who was an isolated incident, could threaten or influence relationships today.
Many of my husband’s closest girlfriends have been lovers at some point, and I don’t care at all because I am so secure in myself, in our relationship, and in his love that I know we all have a past. In fact, some of these women have become close friends of mine.
Anyone who asks you to cancel or refuses to attend an event because of the presence of an ex-partner is essentially waving a huge red flag in front of you.
It’s not just jealous behavior, it’s also controlling behavior, and this type of behavior only increases as people become more comfortable in the relationship.
Thank the Lord or the universe or the higher power you believe in for showing you his true colors before it is too late. Put on your best dress, go to the wedding and have a great time. And who knows – maybe the chef is still single…