Kerry Washington says the feeling of not fully belonging to her family, which she has had since childhood, was the result of a long-hidden secret that she was conceived with a sperm donor.
The actress spoke about the revelation in new interviews with The New York Times and People in conjunction with the release of her upcoming memoir, Thicker Than Water. The memoir, released on September 26, was originally suggested by her friend and Scandal boss Shonda Rhimes years ago, with Washington admitting that at the time she had this “nagging feeling” that she “didn’t know myself well enough.” to bring it out it out.
Now Thicker Than Water delves deep into her educational and performance career, as well as more difficult topics like her various mental illnesses – depression, an eating disorder and insomnia – as well as the shocking discovery that her father is not her biological parent.
She discovered this after completing seven seasons as the lead of ABC’s hit “Scandal” and decided to delve into her past with the help of the PBS series “Finding Your Roots,” hosted by Henry Louis Gates Jr. Washington told The New York Times that her mother and father were noticeably hesitant when she collected DNA spit samples for the show in 2018. “I said, ‘I just don’t think they’re going to agree to this.’ “My dad feels really uncomfortable,” she remembers.
But Gates went privately to her parents — Valerie, a professor, and Earl, a real estate agent — and asked whether the possibility that Washington was not her biological child would “show up in the testing,” the actress said. In response, Gates suggested having discussions with them about the nature of Washington’s lineage while they were still alive.
“I always had this weird breakup with my dad, but I thought it was my fault. I thought I wasn’t friendly enough. But the thought that I didn’t belong to him never crossed my mind. It was just a question: Why can’t I be better to him? Why can’t we be closer? What’s wrong with me? “What’s wrong with us?” she said.
The Emmy-winning actress shared that she felt mixed emotions when she learned the truth, including liberation and excitement. But there was also guilt, “because I saw how much pain my parents were in, especially my father,” and resentment.
“I think that dissonance of ‘someone not telling me about my body’ made me feel like there was something in my body that I needed to fix,” she told People, noting that her feeling of not belonging was too Her eating disorder led to anxiety and self-esteem issues.
Washington, who said her mother planned to tell her by leaving a note in a locker, compared the discovery, speaking to the Times, to strolling through a library looking for a book about herself before her parents , the librarians, told her “There’s a room we didn’t show you.”
“I was born into a lie. “I played a supporting character in my parents’ story,” she added. “I know her intention was to protect me, love me, care for me and keep my world simple. It takes me many years to hide it from myself, but I have been an adult for over two decades.”
Washington has attempted to locate her biological father, but according to the Times, despite their “best efforts, there is no way to determine his identity.” She also shared that she once “tried to give something to the publisher [Little, Brown Spark] her money back” because the book she suggested was no longer the book she could write.
The actress told People that her decision to include the revelation in her memoir was difficult for her parents, although they are generally supportive. She also says she will “forever be grateful to Skip Gates” and what she learned through her experiences on his show. “I still miss the feeling of not knowing where half of my biology comes from,” she told the New York Times. “At least I don’t have any wrong pieces in the puzzle anymore.”