‘I don’t know what to tell you’: Dave Ramsey was at a loss for words when a Virginia woman asked for help with her ‘unattached’ husband – here are his thoughts on her ‘painful’ situation
Linda and her husband are both 64 years old and approaching their golden years of retirement. But to Linda they don’t look so golden.
She earns about $115,000 a year while her husband brings in $45,000. They still owe about $180,000 on their home, but her husband “isn’t in the process of paying off the house,” Linda told personal finance expert David Ramsey and his co-host Dr. John Delony in a recent episode of The Ramsey Show.
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“I kind of tried to speak up and say, ‘You know, when we retire, we’re not going to have a house payment because we’re going to have to sell it and downsize.'” But she says her husband is on board with it, too Disagree with downsizing.
“And I don’t really know how to get him on board.”
When couples don’t agree on money issues
Linda has $175,000 in her 401(k) account and in addition to owning two rental properties, she just paid off two cars. She still has to pay about $12,000 for her first property. She bought the second property for her daughter-in-law, who had cancer, so she could live nearby and help care for her. Linda still owes $62,000 on this property.
Her husband? He has no retirement savings nor is he interested in helping her rent an apartment.
“I don’t know exactly what to tell you, Linda. This is so painful,” Ramsey says. “You guys are so disconnected.”
They split groceries and bills, but she is the one who owns assets, pays off debts and saves for retirement. Yet, as Ramsey puts it, they’re still “splitting the mustard in the fridge.”
This pattern continued throughout their 29-year marriage. “I don’t know what to do with this,” Ramsey says. “I would advise you to see a marriage counselor. But guess what? He’s not on board. He won’t do that.”
The story goes on
Linda admits that this is not a financial problem; It’s a marriage problem.
Research from Ramsey Solutions found that 41% of couples with consumer debt argue about money – in fact, it’s what they argue about most. On the other hand, 87% of those who say their marriage is great say they set long-term goals for their money together.
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To stay or not to stay
“Their marriage is facing a pretty big challenge,” Delony says. Linda and her husband have separate bank accounts, with a joint account for household items like groceries and bills, and a savings account for larger expenses like repairing broken appliances.
“This is exactly the situation I created with Buddy and Craig, my two college roommates,” Delony says. “This is not a marriage. They’re a couple of roommates.”
Delony says it depends on whether Linda wants to live like this for another 30 years or “causes a ruckus” and tells him he can’t keep using her as his bank – and that could mean “she’s out”.
But, he says, “avoidance cannot be a strategy.”
If Linda tries to “make peace” with the situation, Ramsey says, she will likely have to sell both of her rental properties to pay off her house since they don’t have enough savings to pay it off. And when they retire, he will “eat off your pension” because he has no savings of his own.
Important insights for young couples
Twenty-eight years ago, Ramsey says, he encouraged Linda to see a marriage counselor. “I don’t feel like I can help her. I feel like she’s progressed to the point where she’s probably here to stay.”
For anyone considering marriage or a lifelong commitment, he says it’s crucial to make sure you’re on the same page when it comes to money (as well as children, in-laws and religion). Otherwise, “you’ll have a roommate you don’t like.”
If there are problems early in a marriage, he strongly recommends seeing a marriage counselor.
Delony explains that this type of relationship is, in its own way, a form of infidelity. “You can cheat on your wife with a golf club. And you can commit infidelity at your job,” he says. In this case, Linda’s husband pays off his wife. “You leave your wife even though you sleep in the same house.”
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This article is for informational purposes only and should not be construed as advice. The provision is made without any guarantee.