Excessive Anxieties, Obsessions, Insomnia: A 33-year-old mother who never thought she would fall into postpartum depression has totally done it crashed two weeks after the birth of his daughter last year and even had a plan to do the irretrievable.
“I asked everyone for help. I had a village that helped me and I still fell,” admits Alicia Doyon, 33 years old.
“It’s embarrassing, it’s shameful. It’s hard for pride to admit that you’re not able to take care of the child you gave birth to and wanted,” admits the woman from Contrecœur, on the riverfront south of Montreal.
A year after the birth of his daughter Arielle, the bond between them is undeniable. The child sitting in front of her constantly stretches his arms towards his mother, who takes the time to cuddle him.
“I didn’t love him, my baby.”
However, Alicia Doyon has come a long way. Although she had anxiety attacks in the past, she never thought she would fall into postpartum depression, an illness she was unfamiliar with.
“I was a shell of emotions. […] “I didn’t love him, my baby,” she admits. But right now I love him more than anything in the world!”
Arielle was born in October 2022 and was hospitalized for a week after her birth to treat health issues. Her parents commuted to Montreal during the day but had to return home without her in the evening.
“When she got out of the hospital, things got really difficult. Like I was sent AND I didn’t know how it worked. There are always people in the hospital to take care of it.”
“I was distraught,” recalls the secretary of a secondary school.
The new mother quickly became obsessed with all sorts of things: sterilizing bottles, the baby’s health, the fear of running out of money.
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“Her eye was dripping and I was afraid she would go blind,” she gives as an example. I saw everything too big.”
She couldn’t sleep anymore. By this time her partner had returned to work.
Looking for adoption
“I no longer had hygiene. Every day I called my sister and asked her for help,” she says.
The woman even researched online to get her baby adopted.
“I wanted to give it as a gift! she repeats, still in shock. I said things I don’t remember. I wasn’t there anymore.”
She had even made a plan to end her life and the lives of her baby and her partner by throwing herself into the St. Lawrence River.
“Part of me wanted to take the pain out of life, but on the other hand I didn’t want to hurt my baby,” she admits.
Today, after several months of looking back, the mother regrets the lack of follow-up care after the birth. She is convinced that the nurse who routinely visited the home did not understand her suffering.
“I told him: It’s not okay. I was wearing a dressing gown that obviously didn’t fit, she remembers. She gave me a number to call somewhere and that was it. She was fine, but hey…”
Thanks to her cries for help and her relatives who actively supported her, Alicia was admitted to the psychiatric hospital in Sorel for 10 days on October 25, 2022.
“The right thing”
“I think I was caught in time,” she thinks looking back. I’m glad I got help. It was the right thing to do.”
“But why do we have to go so deep to get service?” she asks herself.
Alicia Doyon fully accepts what she experienced and hopes her testimony will help other women feel less alone. And don’t hesitate to ask for support.
Apparently this transition was equally difficult for her partner, who was very afraid for her daughter and her friend.
“I never want to experience that again, they were the worst weeks of my life,” admits Félix Daigle.
In the last few months, the mother has been doing significantly better thanks to psychiatric care and medication. For her it is clear: Society needs to talk more about the period after birth.
“We should be monitored more closely,” says the young mother, who accepts her illness without embarrassment. I can’t believe so many mothers go through this and don’t say it.”
Where can you ask for help?
- At the psychosocial reception of your CLSC
- In a hospital emergency room
- From a family doctor
- At a perinatal community center
- Phone Advisor: 514-935-1101
- Social Info: 811
- Community and Social Resources: 211
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