Today: Nathalie*, 60 years old
Published at 2:41 am. Updated at 11:00 a.m.
That doesn’t happen often in life. A connection of rare, deep intensity that surpasses understanding. And undoubtedly the reason. Nathalie knows. She saw him. Trust.
“It is a story full of eroticism, literature and intuition that spans more than a quarter of a century,” she wrote to us somewhat enigmatically towards the end of the summer. For good reason: she has never confided in anyone about this topic. So we meet at the beginning of autumn over tea somewhere in Westmount to hear her visibly upset.
Very stylish, our interviewee, who has worked in the beauty industry all her life, bursts into laughter as she tells us her age. “60!” I like it, it surprises people! I think I’m 20 less! “, She says.
She quickly moves on to her first loves because the story isn’t there. After a first flirtation at 18 (“I want it to happen!”), Nathalie, a friend at university, spent 10 years with a third man, whom she met towards the end of her bachelor’s degree.
“I wasn’t very sexually active back then,” she remembers. Giving myself to someone is something I do with discernment. »
Above all, I need a connection, a depth. I can’t just fuck someone, that’s not my style.
Nathalie, 60 years old
With this boyfriend, a sweet, funny guy with whom she even bought a house, the intensity quickly faded after a few years. Just as they are still together, she encounters her famous passion, that ultimate, unique connection, stronger than nature. Let’s call him “Monsieur Lettres,” she suggests, since the gentleman reads a lot and that’s one of the things that appeals to her.
They meet through their friend at a festival. “And I have this intuition,” she remembers: “Don’t leave me alone with this guy, I don’t know what’s going to happen.” […] I knew something was going to happen. […] I can not explain. »
Despite everything, we try to understand. “In any case, he is a good-looking man,” she analyzes. “I’m attracted to beauty, he’s super intelligent, extremely cultured.” And then I always liked the intellectual discussions with my father. […] He was like that. Someone who is very deep. »
In short: it gives it a concrete effect. “I don’t sleep,” she remembers, “but I had to organize myself to see this man again.” So I ran after him. »
Her story with her current boyfriend (with whom, by the way, sexuality is now “normal”) ends somewhere in her thirties. And she quickly “interferes” in Mr. Letters’ life. “That’s what I liked about him, there were a lot of books,” she remembers. I was drawn to poetry and that meeting was a catalyst. “He introduced me to a lot of authors I didn’t know,” she says, listing the Bukowskis, Sollers and others.
And in bed? Exactly, in bed: “I do things with him that I’ve never done before,” she smiles here and looks us straight in the eyes. Example ? She sends him kinky videos of herself (a whole project in the 1990s, remember), takes a mold of her breasts and penis, and even tries sodomy. “We had great times, naked afternoons in his apartment…”
But ? “But he wasn’t feeling well,” she finally admitted, without elaborating on the subject. So their pseudo-relationship, a “torn” story that lasts a few years, never comes to fruition. She even wants to become pregnant by him, but refuses to keep the child for fear of “rejection” and because she knows: “It wouldn’t have been good…” Nevertheless:
He really inspired me to write erotic short stories.
Nathalie, 60 years old
Nevertheless, at the age of forty, Mr. Letters quietly disappears from the portrait and Nathalie meets another man, her current companion. It was 20 years ago. We suspect that the relationship has nothing to do with each other, neither in form nor in content, nor especially not in intensity. “It’s a very pragmatic and I would say practical relationship,” she confirms. “And he’s really a very kind, generous person and also a very intelligent person. He’s good for me. I love him very much,” she repeats.
Sexually, however, it’s a different story: “Extremely conservative, always the same thing, no creativity.” And no, in case you’re wondering: He doesn’t know anything about his past. “Nothing,” she insists.
But can you have everything with one person? […] Wouldn’t it be too much to ask for someone to meet all of our needs?
Nathalie, 60 years old
What is not “fulfilled,” dare we say? “So do my literary, intellectual and sexual needs. The search for refinement. It’s not important to him. For me this is the search of my life! […] I can’t say I’m unhappy, but it’s so strong with the other! Inevitable…. », she intellectualizes.
As you may have guessed, what was supposed to happen actually happened.
Without warning, all these years later, Mr. Letters reappeared, now just over a year ago. “I never tried to see him again,” Nathalie explains here. I didn’t want to open this Pandora’s box. He’s the one who found me. »
They exchanged a few words and very quickly “it became very sexual,” she smiles. What if it turns him on? “It is save! », confirms our conversation partner and also emphasizes that there is no age limit for sexual fulfillment. “Why shouldn’t sex be better at my age?” You’ll see! » she explains loudly.
Because “obviously” they saw each other again and “obviously” they loved each other again. “It was inevitable. It’s such a strong and incredible connection. Even 20 years later I still thought it was just as beautiful. I felt the same way. […] It’s the same connection! »
No, she doesn’t feel guilty. “I’m not saying it’s easy,” she explains. I am someone with integrity, but he is stronger than me! […] It is not determined by the will! »
We understand that Nathalie doesn’t know exactly where she is and especially not what will happen. She would never want to hurt her partner, let alone miss what she is going through. “It’s irresistible!” she concludes.
“Maybe there are things we have to accept without necessarily trying to understand them. Just live it…” she concludes, without clarifying whether it is a question or a statement. Will the future tell?
* Fictitious first name to maintain anonymity.