Published at 2:18 am. Updated at 5:00 am.
Jean-Marie Lapointe knew early on that he would write a book about his father’s final moments. It must be said that Jean Lapointe’s son has been supporting children at the end of life for more than 20 years. He encountered death up close and often. Only this time it was his father… “Even if I have some experience,” he said, “if it’s your father, you lose your resources.” »
From August 2020 – when Jean Lapointe’s health began to deteriorate – until his death in November 2022, the son carefully recorded everything he saw and felt. He even recorded their conversations, sometimes serious, sometimes funny. “I wanted to be really respectful of what I was going through and my vulnerability because I realized Dad was leaving,” he emphasizes.
The story of Jean-Marie Lapointe (“Our Last Journey”, published by Éditions Libre Expression) is interspersed with conversations with Johanne de Montigny – a great grief specialist and friend of the author – and two texts by Robin Aubert (who collaborated with). Jean Lapointe) and Anne Elizabeth Lapointe (daughter of Jean).
“With this book I wanted to offer a friend, a confidant, points of reference for those who have none,” Jean-Marie confides to me. I wish it would provide comfort. I wrote it with compassion, but it is also a therapeutic exercise. »
In the privacy of the father
Of course, there is another interest in Jean-Marie Lapointe’s book: his father was a man well known and loved by the public, whose curiosity will undoubtedly be piqued. Was he afraid of provoking a certain voyeurism when writing about sometimes very intimate moments in his father’s life?
PHOTO MARCO CAMPANOZZI, THE PRESS
Jean-Marie Lapointe hopes his book will provide comfort.
It’s true, I’m writing about the life of a famous man. But I didn’t want to embellish or make this end of life ugly. This book had to be about truth and vulnerability. I tried to write and thought, “If Dad had to read it, would he be embarrassed?” Would he be ashamed?” I dare not believe it.
Jean Marie Lapointe
Jean-Marie Lapointe is grateful that his father accepted his presence and his help. “At times he was frustrated with the situation,” he says, “but he carried on and accepted what was coming. I think it’s so nice to be able to talk about dignity despite the end of our lives and a certain amount of physical and cognitive decline. I consider myself very fortunate to have had access to a vulnerable father who consciously or unconsciously accepted and embraced that vulnerability. What a beautiful gift to experience this! »
A long journey
Jean-Marie Lapointe has been thinking about death for a long time. More specifically, since 1991, the year his mother died at the age of 49. He had 26. “It was a powerful two-seater,” he admits. It seems like it opened my eyes. My mother’s death made me question what we are on earth, what we do, where we go… I asked myself: Am I living a good life? »
He assures us that his perspective on life has changed. “It seems that when you encounter death, when you think about the end and integrate it into your life, you welcome this finality. It’s like going on a trip for a month. When you have two or three days left, it feels as if time takes on a completely different perspective, as if you are more in the present moment. »
PHOTO MARCO CAMPANOZZI, THE PRESS
Jean-Marie Lapointe has been interested in death for around thirty years.
The end of life closes the eyes of the dying but opens those of the living. You as a support person are also contaminated.
Jean Marie Lapointe
This search for meaning has never really left Jean-Marie Lapointe for 30 years. He read a lot about the afterlife, Buddhism and reincarnation. He also decided to support children at the end of their lives, another educational experience. “My first death companion, Gisèle Laberge, often told me: “Never forget that you support life, not death.” Even if the little boy in front of you has two days or two months left, he is alive.” This idea, that Supporting life rather than death makes us aware of the extent to which we do not have the means to get there. »
Reinvent rituals
Jean-Marie Lapointe also advocates for new end-of-life rituals. An extraordinary experience that he experienced a few years ago was a revelation for him.
“I was invited to a fundraiser for a woman who had an inoperable brain tumor. Her name was Sylvie Brown. She knew she was going to die and accepted her fate.
“I was asked to do a conference for them, but I thought it was nonsense that I was going and talking about volunteering and end-of-life care when there was an extraordinary woman there just listening and applauding me. And then everyone would leave? Instead, I suggested to her best friend that she have a living funeral.
“Conceived! Instead of hearing me give a lecture, let’s put Sylvie on stage and pay tribute to her while she’s still alive. You tell her to her face that you love her, that you thank her for this or that event. “Thank you, Sylvie, for our friendship, thank you for being you.” If she’s in a box or a coffin, she won’t be able to hear any of this, and you’ll be relieved of having told her… “
“Sylvie agreed,” he continues, “on the condition that her son and I sit next to her. Of course there was a laugh festival and a Kleenex festival, but… what a gift! I talk to you about it and I still feel the emotions…”
PHOTO MARCO CAMPANOZZI, THE PRESS
“We have to question our view of death in our society,” emphasizes Jean-Marie Lapointe.
Jean-Marie Lapointe very much hopes that we will organize more of these live burials, and not just as part of medical euthanasia. “It will be a really intense celebration, funerals no longer have the same taste. »
“We must question our view of death in our society,” adds the one who invites us to look death in the eyes… to better celebrate life.
Questionnaire without filters
1. Coffee and me: I love coffee, which I drink black, but I don’t drink it after 2 p.m. because I’m not there in the evening. I swapped my Nespresso machine for a real machine that grinds coffee. I love the smell, I love the ritual of starting the machine in the morning.
2. The books on my bedside table: I Lost a Loved One by Jean Proulx (Mediaspaul), Break Free from Addiction by Reprogramming Your Brain by Patrick Bordeaux and George F. Koob (Éditions de l’Homme) and Be, Feel, Think , they are about Anne Bérubé (Editions Le Dauphin). Blanc). I also listen to Isabelle Richer’s podcast.
3. People, living or dead, I would invite to my table: Definitely the Dalai Lama. And my parents. I want to see my father and mother together, in their radiant presence, not in bodies weakened by illness. I want to show them what difference they have made in my life.
4. Dreams I would like to achieve: I would like to return to a stage as a musician, as a DJ. I’ve composed songs, I’ve done remixes, I want to make the world crazy with my music. I would also like to have a large amount of money, a kind of lottery max, that would enable me to set up my foundation. I already have a game plan, ideas, projects. And I would like to have a daily microphone because it is really powerful. I would have a platform to give a voice to people who don’t have much to do good.
Who is Jean Marie Lapointe?
As an all-rounder, he is the author of several books, an actor, musician, filmmaker and volunteers for various causes. Author of Our Last Journey, published by Éditions Libre Expression (foreword by Marina Orsini), he will donate part of the profits to Maison Saint-Raphaël.