Remember that time your partner spilled wine all over your white sofa and you definitely thought you were going to suffocate him in your sleep after an argument about it?
Remember the time and energy you wasted on the argument that followed, and the days you let it stew in your brain as you relive the accident and the harsh words that were exchanged over and over again played through?
Well, stop doing that because according to a 2014 study, you’re killing yourself.
Here are a few other things about arguing with your partner that may be new to you and, might I add, news worth considering the next time you and your partner have an argument .
According to a study, here are 7 golden rules for a fair fight with your partner:
1. Sweating the little things can be deadly
The study found that arguing over stupid, petty things can lead to premature death. Is this sofa really worth cutting 10 years out of your life? Seriously?
As found in the study conducted by researchers at the University of Copenhagen, the subjects who constantly argued “had about a 50 to 100 percent chance of dying from life-threatening health conditions.” Face it: your body and your mind can can’t bear the stress over the little things, so you need to regroup and let go. Doesn’t that feel good?
2. It’s okay to go to bed angry
You may feel the need to solve the problem that was the cause of your argument before bed, but some studies show that this is not always the best way.
According to Lisa Earle McLeod, author and 23-year marriage veteran, you’re actually doing your relationship a favor when you let someone sleep on the couch over a disagreement: “It allows partners to clear their minds, get some sleep, and come to an agreement.” a date for resuming the fight (which may seem less important given the day).” It’s true that things are less dramatic in daylight. Night is the right time for drama.
3. Men break more easily
Why do more men die from heart disease and strokes at relatively young ages? Your fight, that’s why!
The same study found that men suffer the most from arguments in a relationship, especially when it comes to the stress of providing for the family. We may live in a society where gender equality is becoming the social norm – and it should be – but that does not change men’s inherent need to be the provider and protector.
4. Arguing on an empty stomach is never a good idea
Think about how bad a mood you are when you are hungry. Now throw an argument about misplaced pots, money problems, or something as trivial as crumbs on the countertop. Are you even more upset?
Dr. Gail Gross says if you argue while you’re hungry, tired, or have some other physical distraction, your argument will literally go nowhere. Who wants to go around in circles when all they really want is a pizza? So go grab something to eat before the argument gets out of hand.
5. A single touch can make everything better
You may not want to touch your partner in the heat of a disagreement, but as Melody Brooke, a licensed marriage and family therapist, suggests, holding each other through the anger is a great way to reduce the issue a lot . Hopefully you can progress from there to great makeup sex, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves just yet.
6. Children are part of the problem
It shouldn’t come as a surprise that children can really take a toll. Between the financial end of things and the daily demands of raising an amazing child, the study conducted by the team in Copenhagen found that 10 percent of participants cited their children as the main problem. Yikes. Granted, it’s only 10 percent, but that’s still a little concerning.
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7. Arguing is actually healthy
Once you put the little things aside and focus on what’s important, you’re halfway to success. Keeping things bottled up inside you is even more stressful than arguing about the stupid things.
Like Dr. Stephanie Sarkis emphasizes: “I have never seen a healthy couple who doesn’t argue. However, they never argue – they argue. If a couple comes into my office and tells me that they have never argued, something is wrong.” ‘not quite right.’ Communication is the stuff that keeps a well-oiled relationship running smoothly, and avoiding arguments on the important issues does more harm than good. So, grab some food, send the kids to bed, and let it out.
Amanda Chatel is an intimacy health essayist and writer for Yourtango, Shape Magazine, Hello Giggles, Glamour, and Harper’s Bazaar.