Today: Suzie*, mid-40s
Published at 1:50 am. Updated at 1:00 p.m.
Suzie was betrayed, and then she was betrayed again. And it’s obviously immensely more complicated than anything you can imagine. Summary of an eventful life.
Forget “the perfect little family” here. “I wanted to take a look behind the scenes. Behind the door, that’s it: there are all kinds of stories…”
The chic forty-year-old arranged to meet us at an anonymous food court in the city center. She is blonde and radiates both strength and fragility with her confident walk. This is because his eyes often fill with water during his testimony. Let’s just say she has a lot to say.
She met her husband in her mid-twenties. He is the second man in her life, after a first teenage love that lasted 10 years and wasn’t exactly easy. She slips in bed: “It was good, but hard. […] There have been times when he penetrated me with something else and told me I didn’t deserve it…”
We can therefore imagine how happy he was when he met the man who would become the father of his children. “I found him so perfect compared to the others: gentle, loving, generous, he wanted children! He took me as I was. It was extraordinary. »
The chemistry is right. “It was wow. I like intensity, I don’t like routine. And we did that in all sorts of places. He always made me feel beautiful. »
The honeymoon lasts a while. “And then we settled in. “And Suzie got pregnant. Around the same time, her husband lost a loved one, a loss that devastated him. “But I didn’t see how bad he was,” says Suzie, who is giving everything to her new mission: motherhood. Surely her sexuality then drops to zero, during the nine months of her pregnancy (and beyond). “Yes, I found it strange,” she confirms, “but I put it down to sadness. »
Only here: one of the gentleman’s colleagues notices his need. She gives him a pole. And what was supposed to happen happens: he cheats on Suzie. The affair lasts a few months.
And then one day he told me that he had cheated on me. My world is collapsing.
Suzie, mid-40s
“I don’t understand,” she continues quietly, her big blue eyes suddenly moist. “We just got married. It wasn’t me who stopped sex, it was him! »
The young mother, in her mid-thirties, wants to understand what happened “at all costs” and they begin therapy together. “The psychologist saved us,” she says here. Because when she meets, she quickly understands one thing, undoubtedly the most important thing: “We loved each other!” »
Nevertheless, she knows: “You have to be strong to accept it…”
The therapy lasted several years and to this day Suzie has no regrets. It’s been almost 10 years and “I’ve never regretted staying, even if the consequences are immense,” she adds. Last but not least. In fact, her sexuality initially picks up again. “The fear of getting lost brings you much closer. […] But it doesn’t last long. » In fact, it “goes out,” she says, very quickly and, above all, completely.
They will have another child together and their sexuality will, so to speak, end. Out of ? “Nothing at all. And he can’t explain why. […] He consulted, but he doesn’t know why. » It’s been almost 10 years and she can count her connections on the fingers of one hand.
“On the emotional side, he’s present,” she says. He takes me in his arms, tells me that I am beautiful, that I am good, he is still impressed by me and I am by him. »
But on the sexuality side it’s nothing. At first she thought he was cheating on her. “I still have my old ghosts. » But no, he assures us. He doesn’t even masturbate anymore. “He doesn’t want to anymore. “Point.
The end of the story ? Quite the opposite. Suzie, for her part, has had her libido under control for several years. “It’s terrible,” she finally smiled. I am a different person! I’ve had several plastic surgeries, I feel good about my body, I thought it would do me good and… no. He says he knows he’s neglecting me, but nothing happens anymore. » Suzie tried everything.
Sexy outfits, movies, parties, no: I still have affection, but it never goes any further.
Suzie, mid-40s
What if she thought about leaving him? let’s dare. “Yes, but I love him!” There is no one else I want to marry! […] Together we have a lot in common! »
So to avoid becoming “frustrated, bitter, impatient and resentful” to fill this “part” that she says she “misses tremendously,” Suzie registered on an extramarital relationship website a few years ago. Since then, she’s met a few men and finally settled on one who she sees secretly a few times a month. “Who can give up sex for the rest of their life? »
With this man she rediscovered the joy of kissing, but also the feeling of a hand touching her breast, of one thigh approaching hers and “feeling the erection in the other”. “There is nothing that pleases me more than looks, desire. It’s been so long since I’ve experienced this! »
“I love my husband,” she insists, “I love him with sincere love.” I would miss something in my life so much if he weren’t here! But if I hadn’t done what I do, I probably would have left. I can’t put an end to this. »
At one point in therapy they asked the question: What if Suzie got her needs met somewhere else? When she saw her husband’s dejected face at this simple suggestion, she understood. “He can’t say no to me, but obviously he’s not ready yet,” she says. And I don’t want to hurt him. » So she keeps her mouth shut. “I really feel like this story [son infidélité] traumatized him. […] It’s like sex has become something he blocks. »
So yes, she feels guilty about lying to him, but not so much “because if I don’t, I will end our relationship.” I need this! “.
It’s not the conclusion she would have wanted for her story, but it’s a shame. It is his: “I will look elsewhere because I cannot bear to have carnal contact with the person I love.” »
* Fictitious first name to maintain anonymity.