The haunting final diary entry of a famous poet who took her own life aged 39 is revealed three years later in her grieving husband’s new book.
Molly Brodak, who wrote “A Little Middle of the Night” and appeared on The Great American Baking Show, took her own life on March 8, 2020, after being diagnosed with a brain tumor.
Her heartbroken husband Blake Butler shared the news on Twitter, saying: “My partner Molly Brodak died yesterday. ‘I don’t know how else to say it.’
Now he has revealed the poet’s final diary entry, described by one reviewer as “as beautiful as it is terrifying”.
It said: “Took a bath and said goodbye to my body.” We ate grilled halloumi, made love after dinner and watched our favorite things on TV.
“I feel like I can see everything so clearly this morning. ‘I’ve been pretending all my life.’
Poet Molly Brodak, 39, tragically ended her life in March 2020 after being diagnosed with a brain tumor, leaving behind her devastated husband Blake Butler. The couple is pictured together
Butler confronts the gruesome details of Molly’s death and its aftermath, fearlessly portraying the impact on the living. Butler was the one who found her body.
Butler confronts the gruesome details of Molly’s death and its aftermath, fearlessly portraying the impact on the living. Butler was the one who found her body
Butler delves into the gruesome details of Molly’s death and its aftermath, fearlessly describing the impact the discovery of her body had on him.
“I leave this all to myself,” Butler explains, along with a suicide note she taped to the front door so he could see it on the way back from a run.
“How she made sure I was the one to find her body was another form of violence in itself,” he writes.
From the beginning, the book “Molly” tells of her troubled nature, which is rooted in her past.
Molly grew up with a criminal father, as described in her memoir, “Bandit.”
She was just 13 years old when her seemingly normal childhood was shattered after her father was sent to prison for a series of bank robberies.
Butler also shares that he is not alone and has to battle his own demons, including addiction to alcohol.
In the book he looks at Molly’s final diaries, poems, emails and social posts.
“Took a bath and said goodbye to my body.” We ate grilled halloumi, made love after dinner and watched our favorite things on TV. I feel like I can see everything so clearly this morning. “I have been pretending all my life,” she writes
Molly grew up with a criminal father, as described in her memoir, “Bandit.” She was just 13 years old when her seemingly normal childhood was shattered after her father was sent to prison for a series of bank robberies
At Molly’s memorial service, Butler shared some of the 40 poems – one for each year of her life – that he had written specifically for her but never received
In them, he channels the anguish of a grieving lover as he goes through Molly’s childhood diaries, lists and gifts, offering a glimpse into her complex world.
However, this presents its own challenges for Butler as he continues to drink alcohol and even considers ending his own life to be reunited with Molly.
At Molly’s memorial service, Butler shared some of the 40 poems – one for each year of her life – that he had written specifically for her but never received.
He reads from a sunny yellow notebook full of forty poems, one for each year of her life, that I have been working on for months as a surprise for her next birthday, just a few weeks away…. “If only I had given them to her sooner, I thought, maybe I wouldn’t be up here reading them aloud for her spirit,” he writes.
Butler recounts how Molly seemed preoccupied with death, but the book dedicated to his wife describes the complexities of grief and suggests that with the right perspective, even the black hole of loss can produce something meaningful.
If you or someone you know needs help, you can reach Samaritans NYC at 212-673-3000 or the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386.
For confidential support, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 988 or click here.