CNN –
As Laura Dern and Diane Ladd approached Santa Monica's Adelaide Drive during one of the many walk-and-talks described in their recent joint memoir, “Honey, Baby, Mine,” Ladd quickly realized where Dern was taking them wanted. Knowing the pain that lay ahead, she tried to get her daughter to turn around by making one weather-related excuse after another, but Dern wasn't falling for it.
“Is this the house?” asked her daughter.
“Yes, Laura. That’s it,” Ladd said.
It was the house, Ladd said, where she and her ex-husband, actor Bruce Dern, moved to looking for a fresh start after their first child, Diane Elizabeth, tragically died as a toddler. That's where they brought little Laura Elizabeth Dern home after she was born. It is also the house where their marriage ultimately ended.
Ladd is reminded of divorce and grief when she sees the house, and she has tried to avoid it – until that day, when the two formed memories like clay through gentle conversations. Dern encouraged her mother to instead think, “I became a mother in this home,” reminding her that this home gave her strength as she rebuilt her life and overcame her grief.
It's one of the most poignant moments in Honey, Baby, Mine and one of the most beautiful memoirs I've ever read. I sat on my couch sobbing – an unexpected result of reading a memoir written by a legendary Hollywood mother-daughter duo who could have gone it alone with their team, but instead used their book to venture into emotional spaces with each other, that parent-child pairs who do not face the public rarely come together.
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Diane Ladd, Laura Dern and Bruce Dern receive their stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in Los Angeles in 2010.
In a new episode of Ancestry's unFamiliar YouTube series, they took a deep dive to learn and discuss more about their ancestry. When CNN spoke with Dern and Ladd earlier this month, Ladd shared that the difficult conversations – like the one on Adelaide Drive – were healing.
“If you can endure your pain and not let it come back like a wound or something, but instead use it to explore, to make the path clearer for yourself and others, then you've won,” Ladd said during our interview. “So the book taught us both. As we walked and breathed in air, we breathed in our own lessons. That’s what we humans do.”
Ladd wrote that Dern helped her find the forgiveness within herself and the understanding and peace of mind that she deserved.
And while Ladd was able to regain her power that day when she bravely spoke to Dern about Diane Elizabeth, with whom Dern shares a middle name, the conversation took on an even deeper meaning when they discovered the full implications of Dern's namesake, as in one The moment shown will be shown in the episode released on Wednesday.
They learn that Dern also has the same name as Ladd's great-grandmother, Laura Prudence Smith Ladner, whom Ladd had previously only known as Prudence. Ladd and Dern marveled at this twist of fate in the episode, and the realization seemed to be an emotional moment for the couple.
Ladd said this discovery helped her realize that intuitions are actually important and that they “guide us much more than we can even imagine.”
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(from left) Laura Dern, Diane Ladd and Hoda Kotb in New York in April.
Nearly four years ago, Ladd was diagnosed with a lung disease called idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis, a disease that occurs when lung tissue becomes damaged, according to the Mayo Clinic. She was told she had six months to live but that walking could help her regain her strength. Dern and Ladd recorded their conversations on these walks and published transcripts of the recordings as well as reflections, photos and recipes in Honey, Baby, Mine.
These conversations Dern had with her mother, described in the book, in turn helped shape the way she interacts with her own children, Jaya and Ellery, whom she shares with her ex-husband, musician Ben Harper .
“We don't want to upset our parents, and I think the same goes for the parents who don't bring up anything that they think could harm the child,” Dern said, adding she felt inspired Not only to delve deep into it, kids, but also to peel back the surface and ask about their “favorite color, favorite flower, things that you would think would be obvious to know.” Things, she realized, she didn't know about Ladd either.
Ladd and Dern are known to many.
Ladd is a popular Hollywood veteran who starred in films like 1974's “Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore” and 1990's “Wild at Heart,” and Dern is known for her Oscar-winning role in 2020's “Marriage Story” and for her starring role in the HBO drama “Big Little Lies” and many other iconic titles. Together they made history in 1992 when they received two mother-daughter Oscar nominations for their performances in Rambling Rose.
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(From left) Diane Ladd and Laura Dern announce the nominees for Best Visual Effects at the 1992 Academy Awards in Los Angeles.
But even as people in the public eye, Dern emphasized in our interview that “we don't all know about the people closest to us.”
It's a simple statement and kind of hard to swallow considering it could apply to your own life too. In fact, right after our interview, I called my mom to find out what her favorite color was. (It is blue.)
There are many of these thought-provoking and thought-provoking moments as I read Honey, Baby, Mine, including a chapter marked by unresolved conflict.
“There are one or two things we’re still angry about,” Ladd told me, laughing.
“Or the anger just comes back to the surface, but that's fun,” Dern added, without elaborating. However, one can assume that they are referring to the time when Ladd took Dern's then five-year-old son Ellery for a haircut without asking whether Dern was okay with saying goodbye to his long locks, which Dern admitted in the book who she got her hair cut “still angry” about.
Their discussion about Ellery's haircut found no resolution before an emotionally exhausted Ladd said she wanted to go home.
“Good. Me too,” Dern replied.
It's the kind of conversation breakdown we've all had with someone we love, and it personally keeps me up at night wracked with guilt and anxiety. But here's why that's so nice: Even as Ladd and Dern faced the reality of Ladd's mortality on these walks, they didn't shy away from an old argument rooted in hurt feelings caused by each other's actions to rehash and leave the conflict unresolved.
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Laura Dern and Diane Ladd in Rambling Rose in 1991.
“We just decided that this was it and accepted it,” Ladd said of dealing with the conflict with Dern. “I won’t win this. She won't win this game. Just respect each other enough to let it go. And so we just go on and love each other. Hug, hug, hug, kiss, kiss, kiss.”
Hug hug. Kiss Kiss. It sounds so simple. But in practice it takes courage. As I read her book and spoke with them, I was reminded of how grateful I am to share a similar bond with my own mother.
Their commitment to strengthening their mutual understanding in whatever time remains inspires me. I've been asking my mom more questions lately. There's still a lot I don't know and probably should know, including the hard stuff. As Ladd and Dern learned, you can emerge from this conversation with renewed peace.
Or not. And that's okay too.