Published at 1:25 am. Updated at 8:30 a.m.
Maxime has been in a relationship for 25 years, in a stable relationship that makes many people jealous. The secret of his longevity? A new promise: infidelity.
“Let's see, that can't be right!” He heard that often, among other conversations about his relationship. Nevertheless, it is. The two, dressed entirely in white, made this promise to each other, even in the truest sense of the word, a few minutes before they exchanged their rings. “Remember: infidelity until the end of our days! » Promise kept. As proof: “We are still together!” »
Our interlocutor, in his sixties, smiled in a virtual interview the day after a storm and wrote to us a few months ago in response to a story of infidelity. It should be noted that one of many others was published here.
His point of view is shocking, to say the least. Because for him, infidelity is not betrayal. Quite the opposite. Infidelity is perhaps a question of respect, pragmatism and humility. We'll come back to that, because no, Maxime didn't always see things that way.
As a child he had problems with orientation for a long time. “I don’t want to, I can’t,” he paraphrases. I rejected homosexuality. » This is because the few models he had at the time were fairly caricatured characters (Michel Girouard, Christian Lalancette from Chez Denise, etc.). He still imagines himself going to the legendary Lime Light and coming out traumatized. “No, I’m not like that…” He’ll even attempt suicide, which gives you an idea.
It wasn't until Janette Bertrand that he finally saw other models, in other words: more masculine. “That saved me,” he says. It made me realize that there is nothing bad. » However, he continues to only date girls – and the connections here are “a torture session”! » – and thus rejects the boys’ advances.
In his early twenties, Maxime finally gave in and had his first adventure with a man, in the university dormitory. “I acted on my impulse,” he analyzes, “but I was ashamed of it. » Undoubtedly shared shame as the story was quickly cut short.
It wasn't until ten years later, in his late twenties, that one evening in the Garage (an underground bar from the 1980s), Maxime finally saw gay people who felt good, good-looking, in short, “at ease.” It's a revelation.
But why did I judge myself for so many years?
Maxime, mid-sixties
“And why wasn’t I more honest with women? he adds. But I couldn't help it. […] “I would have preferred to die…” he lets go.
Our man finally ventures into this famous bar and even makes his first friend there. This is how he experiences his first real relationship with a man. “I finally have a companion,” he smiles brightly into the camera. I've had a love for it since I was 16. I had a terrible urge! »
The story lasts two years, then Maxime meets a second man, for a new close relationship, this time spanning three years. But in retrospect he realizes: “I didn’t have the maturity to be in a relationship. […] I got jealous! ” Jealous ? “As long as he didn't come home, I didn't sleep. And when he came home, I had a crisis, he explains. I was suffocating. »
Once, at this time, Maxime came to a sauna for the first time. He remembers seeing things there that shocked him: “I wasn’t ready. » But it begins: “That's when I realized that there was a different sex life. »
In fact, after his breakup and in his thirties, Maxime returns here once a week to have fun. He goes there to “enjoy life,” as he says. “My sweet revenge […]for the sexuality that I didn't have when I was younger. […] Always protected,” he would like to emphasize. In short, he makes up for lost time.
This era has had its day. At the age of forty, Maxime finally meets her husband, the man of her life, online. Monsieur lives abroad, has no experience with men and they will spend months texting each other before meeting in real life. Ultimately it is an escape to the West that happens. “And we never left each other…”
Here we are. They dated for two years (long distance, then in person) before finally moving in together. The honeymoon continues and at this moment, after months of exclusivity, Maxime offers this unplanned departure to his lover, who has not lived like him (nor “enjoyed life”). Basically, “You can look elsewhere.” I don't necessarily have that taste because I don't think we're based on sex. »
You don't belong to me, I don't belong to you, we are two entities.
Maxime, mid-sixties
His companion can't believe it. He comes back even less when one evening Maxime actually gives him the address of a sauna (456, another legendary place that has since disappeared). “I once ruined my relationship because I was too possessive,” he told her. You're lucky to know me at 40! »
His argument, the result of his past, is as follows: “We cannot demand that the other be our property,” he explains, “and if he has certain fantasies, I cannot respond either. Advantage!” The best way to build that relationship is to give him that freedom. »
It's been 25 years and he doesn't regret it. “It was good the whole time. » If you want to know everything, they only have a few rules: They don't talk about it and keep their adventures to themselves (a rule they relaxed after 15 years “with a lot of humor and sensitivity”) Never do it more than once with the same partner and always maintain protected relationships.
Certainly, Max's libido has decreased over time and due to some health concerns. No more crazy things, they just make love a few times a year. “But I don't feel responsible,” he said, “because the door is open.” If he has a meeting with someone, all the better! » He quoted Jacques Brel and concluded philosophically: “The body must rejoice!” »
Morally? “We can be very happy as a couple as long as we don't own the other person. » On the condition that “being there for each other” is a bonus.
*Fictitious first name to maintain anonymity
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