Dawn French became emotional as she spoke about her father's death when she was just 19 years old.
Denys French suffered from depression for many years and tragically took his own life in September 1977 at the age of 45.
In a new BBC documentary about her career with her comedy partner Jennifer Saunders, Dawn, 66, broke down in tears as she reflected on her loss.
The actress revealed that she was unaware of her father's illness as he had kept it a secret from her and her brother Gary, telling them that he suffered from headaches and needed to lie down occasionally.
She said: “I grew up with a man who was happy and cheerful most of the time and then had what we called 'migraines' in our house, where Dad was asleep and the curtains were drawn and you just had to be quiet.
Dawn French became emotional as she spoke about her father's death when she was just 19 years old
Denys French suffered from depression for many years and tragically took his own life in September 1977, aged 45 (pictured with Dawn).
In a new BBC documentary about her career with her comedy partner Jennifer Saunders, Dawn, 66, broke down in tears as she reflected on her loss
“But I didn’t know that because then he could come out of it and be completely happy again.”
Speaking about his death, Dawn said it was “shocking and terrible” and left her stunned and “angry”.
She recalled: “A grenade exploded in our family, it was shocking and terrible, it was the worst thing you could imagine.”
“And I was angry and angry and just dripping with sadness over all of this and the shock of being at that age.”
However, Dawn said that as she grew older, she learned from her mother about the torment Denys had endured and now wanted to “forgive.”
She became visibly tearful and said: “As I got older, I began to understand what a terrible, hellish situation he was obviously in, the battle he had been fighting for so long, and you forgive.”
Dawn said that Denys had been a great source of confidence for her and that he had always boosted her self-esteem.
She said, “If you're a little fat girl, you could get into a big rift in your self-esteem.” I think he knew instinctively that I needed armor.
The actress revealed that she was unaware of her father's illness as he had kept it a secret from her and her brother Gary. He told them he was suffering from headaches and had to lie down occasionally (pictured in October).
When Dawn spoke about his death, she said it was “shocking and terrible” but as she grew older, she learned from her mother the torment Denys had endured and which he wanted to “forgive.”
“I remember him stopping me as I was walking out the door and telling me I was beautiful and that I should value myself. 'That's why I always thought I was worth something.'
Dawn has previously spoken about her father, admitting his death made her question her own mortality.
Appearing on the Happy Place podcast in 2018, she said: “I think I always thought I wouldn't do old bones until recently.”
She added: “When I was 19 and lost your dad, I thought, 'Oh God, maybe we won't live long.'
“So I took every opportunity that came my way, but was conscious of thinking, 'I need to get old enough to get my daughter into at least her 20s, then she would be able to do without me after that.'
However, Dawn said she soon realized how damaging these thoughts could be.
She said, “I thought like that, which is ridiculous.” It may have something to do with losing my father so early.
“You know, I think life is a little fragile and can be a little temporary. And we have to be aware of that.'
For confidential support call Samaritans on 116123 or visit a local Samaritans branch. For more information, visit www.samaritans.org
Dawn said that Denys had been a great source of confidence for her and that he had always boosted her self-esteem (pictured 2018)
Dawn has previously spoken about her father, admitting his death made her question her own mortality (pictured in 2016).