The key to successful parenting is understanding that you are the biggest role model in your child's life. Even at a young age, they observe you closely and take their cues from you. Therefore, your behavior has a significant impact on their behavior.
I like to think that mindful modeling helped me raise highly successful daughters: Susan was the CEO of YouTube, Janet is a doctor, and Anne is the co-founder and CEO of 23andMe.
Based on my experience as a mother and educator, you're better off than most if you're already modeling these seven behaviors:
If you can't make the appointment, at least call or text the other person. It is a common courtesy and involves a willingness to look at the situation from the other person's perspective.
Punctuality shows respect for other people's time. Regular lateness shows the opposite. This is something I always emphasize to my students, as well as my children and grandchildren.
This is a big deal. A recent survey found that Americans look at their phones an average of 144 times a day, leading to what technology expert Linda Stone calls “continuous partial attention.”
And modeling this behavior isn't just bad for kids who need to focus on their homework. A 2022 study found that toddlers whose mothers reported using the phone more often had more difficulty recovering from emotional stress.
What are your general eating habits? Taking care of your health is the best way to teach your children to do the same.
In my family, my grandchildren learned to read food labels at an early age and know to avoid processed junk food. In my class, students know that I confiscate soda. No exceptions! Your health is important to me because I care about you as people.
Even in divorced households, parents should be role models for collaboration and cooperation. Prioritizing family also means sharing good and bad experiences. This helps children learn how to deal with all of life’s challenges.
One of the best ways to convey the importance of family is by having fun together. The more positive experiences there are, the more support the child feels. It can be as simple as playing a board game, going to the park, or jumping on a trampoline together.
I think all parents lie to their children sometimes. We say things like, “I don't think the ice cream shop is open now.” After a while, the kids get it. But not all types of lies are harmful. It is the lies about important issues that lead to a lack of trust.
Telling your child that no one else is going to the show when they find out that everyone else went to the show is a big problem. Trust is the foundation of all relationships, and the last thing you want to do is destroy it.
At some point we all scream. But are you inadvertently teaching your children that yelling is an acceptable way to communicate? Do you swear but get angry when your kids use foul language?
It's no use faking your feelings, but it would help to realize that anger doesn't make things better. We want our children to avoid this choice and lifestyle.
We all talk about kindness and forgiveness, but that doesn't mean we actually know how to practice them.
Throughout my decades of teaching, I have learned to forgive my students no matter what. That doesn't mean there aren't punishments, but it does mean I always give them a chance to do something right.
Although it's painful to admit when I'm wrong, I've found that it's less painful than trying to cover up a mistake I've made. I am constantly learning and growing, and I want to model that for the next generations.
Esther Wojcicki is an educator, journalist and best-selling author of “How to Raise Successful People.” She is also the co-founder of Tract.app and the lead parent office at Sesh. Follow her on Twitter @EstherWojcicki.
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