Thanks to her more than 25 years of work in social and health intervention and the emotional support of families and minors, Barcelona-born Patricia Gutiérrez Albaladejo (Granollers, 43 years old) knows the importance of values as the main source of protection for the individual. . A knowledge that led this clinical psychologist two years ago to launch an ambitious project called Familiando, whose aim is precisely the identification and construction of value systems such as empathy, education or generosity.
But this project requires tools to implement it. That's why she is also a professor at the Autonomous University of Madrid and founder of the TAP Center. Advanced Psychological Treatment dedicated two years to writing “Discover (Your) Values.” Practical Guide to Awareness and Protection (Octahedro, 2023). It is a practical illustrated book that, in the words of its author, is “a plea for prevention, the promotion of well-being, the building of identity and the development of internal security for adults and children.”
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QUESTIONS. What are values?
ANSWER. Values are the principles or characteristics that characterize and define us as people and therefore shape both our current and future actions. They are the guide and means to achieve everything we propose. They arise from reflection, meditation and listening, from the inner dialogue that we acquire as we develop, and from the maturation process that we go through as humans in different phases and life cycles. Values organize our world in a secure and stable way, they play a fundamental role in stabilizing our world, in constructing our roles and even in the evaluations we make of ourselves (self-esteem).
Q Why is it important to convey values?
R. As mothers and fathers, we are always thinking about how to protect our sons and daughters, how to accompany them in their growth and how to provide them with resources so that they can cope with the demands they face… Values are the big one Resource, The cornerstone of protecting our children. It is the foundation for creating well-being, inner security and emotional stability. They are an inseparable part of our children's belief systems and the way they govern our children's behavior and decision-making in their daily lives. They will be present at all stages of their lives and maturation processes, in turn helping them to express interests, desires and needs, and being the driving force in the development and management of their emotions. Because the well-being and mental health of minors is so important, education about the identification, selection and construction of the value system that defines them as human beings is crucial to ensure their care and protection.
Q. How are you educated in values?
R. A values-based education is relatively easy. Perhaps most important is knowing the values that define us as emotional caregivers. All people, all fathers and mothers, have values, even if we don't know them and have consciously chosen them. First of all, it's about identifying our individual value system in order to then make a conscious decision about the family value system; We must not forget that we are active role models for our sons and daughters. This is a simple way for us to accompany our children in their development.
Q Are all values equally important in education?
R. All values are equally relevant. Each of them helps us define ourselves as people. This is one of its keys, since we have the opportunity to choose how we want to be, and since we know that everyone is protectionist, it is important to make this choice consciously in order to provide our children with protection and predictability. Children and adults need predictability in our developmental contexts; and it is the values that give us this predictive ability.
Q Are they acquired or are you born with them?
R. Values are inherent in human existence as we are embedded in a particular society from the moment we are born. At the same time, societies are under the direct influence of a culture that, even if families sometimes do not make it clear, is always rooted in us and which we therefore pass on from generation to generation. Across cultures we share codes, symbols, norms, traditions, artistic expressions, beliefs, values… The way we express, develop and teach our children will determine their individual and collective culture. Families are embedded in a culture that shapes our children's individual and shared value systems. On the other hand, we know that values are constantly evolving, so we can change and model them regardless of the culture we belong to.
Q Is it possible to choose the values in which to raise your children?
R. Of course, we have the opportunity to make an initial selection of values that define us as a family. In fact, it is part of our responsibility. We must provide them with security, stability, boundaries and protection so that they grow up healthy, stable and safe. Therefore, we must first define which system will protect you the most. As minors grow up and have the maturity capacity to participate in their personal definition, it is important to invite them to actively participate in choosing their own individual value system. But the value system within the family should also facilitate their active participation, which leads to their self-care, their self-esteem, their inner security and the feeling of belonging and the bond with the other family members.
Some practical keys to increasing value
- Analyze where our values come from and see if they represent us in the current moment.
- Check whether the values that exist in our systems satisfy us.
- Make a conscious decision about your individual value system and make an open suggestion to the other family members about the values that represent us.
- Train values with concrete actions that review value selection as a family.
- Review the chosen value system to be able to adapt it to actual needs. It's not about working with ideals, but with realities.
- Stick to them because they are already part of the protection system. Check from time to time (a few months) to see if they continue to protect the family. If not, it is possible to repeat the selection. The value system is alive, always adapted to needs.
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