The traitors
Traitors, counterfeiters and fraudsters
Season 2, Episode 1
Editor's rating: 4 stars ****
Photo: PEACOCK/Euan Cherry/PEACOCK
After just one episode, I'm already confident that The Traitors' second season is a historical document destined for pride of place in the Library of Congress's reality TV appendix (which means you'll find a ripped DVD inside Copy). the one-story bathroom in the basement, hidden behind the radiator). To be honest, I felt that way after watching the trailer.
The Traitors is essentially a mafia game with high production values, or as the famous Dame Brian Moylan put it last season: “Idiot Mole.” Several candidates are secretly selected as “traitors”. They decide together to “murder” a member of the “believers” every evening. During the day, the faithful vote to banish a player they believe is a traitor – usually based on ridiculously little evidence and mostly wrong if the first US season is any guide. If only believers remain at the end of the game, they share the prize money of up to a quarter of a million dollars (which participants must accumulate through missions throughout the season). But when one or more traitors lurk in their midst, they steal the pot.
Host Alan Cumming welcomes the doomed houseguests to his Scottish castle – where there are furry cows, armor, brocade everything and sinister hooded characters (including Alan's dog Lala) – in a red suit with sparkly cuffs and a matching checked cape the tulle flower, the size of the cabbage that won the blue ribbon, was on his shoulder. Last season, the cast was half celebrities and half civilians, and the latter were, respectfully, a total liability. This time, producers wisely decided to focus entirely on reality stars (and beyond). In doing so, they've recruited a truly dazzling kaleidoscope of strange talent.
As the game begins, the two most formidable competitors to keep an eye on are all-time great Survivor players Parvati Shallow and Sandra Diaz-Twine, especially since fellow Survivor player Cirie Fields won The Traitors last season. As the first two-time Survivor winner ever (and still one of only two players to do so), Sandra correctly assesses that she is “over-prepared” for this show, which is exactly the energy I like to bring to it Interviews. She comes with adult braces, which is extremely charming, even more so when contrasted with her menacing proclamations of “I'll take care of her once and for all.” It's great to see these women enjoying the freedom to wear something other than a buff that hasn't been washed in a month, but I have to say: My Queen Parvati's all-white, beaded headband look at the premiere reminds me of something I wish I had from the American Girl catalog, which sold matching outfits for children and their dolls circa 1995. Nevertheless, Mama Mama matriarch on the mother's side is matrilineal mothering, etc.
My problematic Phaeve Phaedra Parks (dishonorably discharged from The Real Housewives of Atlanta, now from Married to Medicine) makes a snow queen in white fur. The Traitors' first cast pairing comes in the form of Marcus Jordan and Larsa Pippen, the cover star of Harper's Bazaar Vietnam's “Real Housewife of Miami” (who, I know, are Michael Jordan's son and Scottie Pippen's ex-wife – technically she is play the role of “traitors”). of the film universe The Last Dance). Shereé Whitfield, Tamra Judge and Mercedes “MJ” Javid (who refers to our host as Alan “Cummings,” plural) round out the Bravo regiment. Representing The Challenge are CT, Trishelle and Johnny Bananas, who dress up as one of Chrissy's amazing friends who's dressed up for Easter brunch at Vesuvio and ready to jerk off. (Bananas, to Alan: “How does it feel to be the second best-dressed guy on the show?” Alan: “I'd say, 'Back off, bitch.'”) Dan and Janelle are there from Big Brother , a show that I have limited confidence actually exists, despite once recapping an entire season of it. (Everyone was extremely racist and there was a toxic show? Is that even a limitation?)
Having former Reality Television Arts and Sciences colleagues on the show could prove to be a blessing (a built-in ally!) or a curse, depending on exactly how their story resurfaces. Does Trishelle trust CT? Will Sandra and Parvati reignite their feud? Would Janelle get revenge on Dan? On the other hand: Better the enemy you know.
Featuring a diverse cast of stars from across the pop culture galaxy – including RuPaul's Drag Race alum (and Broadway star!) Peppermint, champion boxer Deontay Wilder, Maks from Dancing With the Stars and Pilot Pete (the former Bachelor best known for… Sex between four people is known). Time in a Windmill) – the least likely candidate of all is John Bercow. Not only is he a former Member of Parliament, but also a former Speaker of the House of Commons. Phaedra greets him in a tone that suggests she fears he may have accidentally left his nursing home, even though he is somehow only ten years older than her.
I didn't know Kevin from Bling Empire before, but he immediately endears himself to me, both for his chin and his apparent ignorance of who virtually everyone else in the castle is. Janelle points out Johnny Bananas to Kevin and explains that he won the challenge. “What challenge?” When he learns that this is the name of a television show, he asks, “What is it about?” He could win this whole damn thing.
The players take a seat at the round table and put on their blindfolds. If Alan Cumming taps you on the back, you're a traitor. At first there will only be two, but they will soon be able to recruit another conspirator.
The lucky winners of the competition are Dan from Big Brother (who I'm not convinced of at first, but he clearly convinces me in his confessionals as a thoughtful strategist) and one Ms. Phaedra Creonta Parks, Esq. I'm thrilled that the producers had the presence of mind to name a Bravo star as a traitor this season, which hopefully means this player will stick around for a while. Last season, Reza and Brandi were banished far too early. (What would we have done without Kate?) Our Bravolebs deserve a measure of diplomatic immunity because they entertain so reliably.
The accusations begin the moment the blindfolds are removed, and none of them are leveled against the actual traitors. Janelle harasses John because he was “having some breathing problems” when Alan passed him, which strikes me as completely odd considering he's, as he says, “slightly asthmatic” and also, I have to say, pretty old . Larsa heard Alan's clothes rustling next to her as he stood next to Parvati. “My ears are so strong that I could feel the vibration when he lifted his jacket,” says Larsa, and I wish we could ask her a series of detailed follow-up questions about her personal ideas about both human anatomy and the physics of human life sound, There is simply no time for that. Parvati is obviously upset because, as I would say, that's annoying, but Larsa interprets her “automatically being so defensive” as further incriminating evidence. The “Traitors” cast thinks they're playing chess when they're actually playing checkers – and sometimes they're not even playing checkers; They just chew on the pieces (do the red ones taste like strawberries?).
Following the panel is Bergie from Love Island – who I can't believe is a real person and not a half-full Build-A-Bear, let alone someone who would voluntarily take part in a show explicitly based on deception (he's here right now? for the zip line?) – arouses suspicion because he spills his drink, talks too fast, blushes, and is generally sweaty, but it's pretty clear that he's just stressed out because he's even hinting that someone lies to anyone about anything. I don't want to mention his British counterpart, Ekin-Su from Love Island, who comes out hot in her first confessional, declaring that most people underestimate her intelligence because she's pretty. “But I believe in aliens,” she protests, in a turn of phrase I honestly didn’t see coming. “I have conspiracy theories. I love cartoons.” As Phaedra, a poet, puts it, Ekin-Su’s “brain is vibrating.”
For their first mission, the cast must collect floating puzzle pieces on a lake (hole, really get stuck in it), rearrange them in a formation indicated on a piece of paper hidden in one of dozens of bottles along the shore, and then return to shore to press a detonator and set her on fire. Plus, they're all bound to begin with, because why not? If they can do this within half an hour, they will increase their total pot by $30,000.
The shape of the puzzle is a shield, a nod to a new twist this season: players have the opportunity to protect themselves from murder (though not, I think, banishment?) by using one whenever possible during their missions Grabbing a shield risks sabotaging the group's chances of maximizing their monetary gains and thereby alienating themselves from the others.
At least for Janelle, this doesn't pose much of a dilemma. While the other cast members who want to free themselves early hold back to help the others untie, Janelle immediately runs to grab the first shield. CT (who Phaedra has a “slight crush” on and who is my boyfriend) and Deontay swim to retrieve the two shields floating on the water. Poor Bergie is still tied up after everyone else is free, and probably would have remained that way for the duration of the mission if Phaedra and Sandra hadn't taken pity on him.
All aboard the combat rowboat. To no one's surprise, the mission doesn't go well (I'm sorry). There is no leader, but there is no shortage of contenders – each shouting random instructions to the other until they finally stagger (dog paddle?) to victory with seconds to go.
Back at the castle, in an interaction seemingly so inconsequential that I didn't initially bother to jot it down in my notes, Peppermint and Trishelle talk about how they hope to live long enough to get more of wearing the amazing outfits they brought with them. Trishelle jokes, “If I get murdered, she'll be a traitor.” Peppermint is dramatic. Before the clock chimes the obligatory adult bedtime, Trishelle is already chatting about her actress' “strange reaction.” This is certainly not an exaggeration.
In the dark of night, up in the tower, Dan and Phaedra are both excited to see the other exposed as their fellow traitor. Who will they choose as third? Well, there's always Janelle, Dan's Big Brother cast member. And what about the brilliant player Parvati? Although she's already raised some suspicions, maybe that's not such a bad thing. There is also discussion about anointing Sandra or splitting the only pair in the game by putting Larsa in the tower.
Also, I almost forgot: they still have to murder someone.
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