Leafing through a decoration magazine has been one of the classic forms of inspiration for decades, as a source of ideas for home design or simply as a feast for the eyes. We know that the houses that appear in these publications may not be real at all: the interiors are set up for the photo, there are often rooms made in collaboration with a brand… The interior photos shared by users on Instagram will affect us differently. different. These houses, unlike those that appear in magazines, belong to seemingly ordinary people and comparison is inevitable.
According to the results of a 2018 Origin survey of 1,500 homeowners in London, social media is a great way to get inspiration and share interior design tips. But they do have a B-side: More than half of respondents were dissatisfied with their home after seeing other people’s homes on Instagram. 83% of them felt like this once a month, always after using the application. One in ten had this feeling several times a day.
“On social networks, we show our achievements, victories, best moments and therefore the best version of what a home can be,” explains psychologist Noemí López from the Amparo Calandín Psychologists Center via email. “We see something punctual, concrete and considered in the person’s life. It doesn’t take into account the global situation or what could have happened 10 minutes ago or even after the release. This example can be extrapolated to the publications of houses, since the visualization of a given space at a given moment does not make its status over time, nor its order, nor its level of cleanliness static,” assures Calandín. Although social media can have that element of inspiration, the constant disclosure of this information takes us from inspiration to comparison. In other words, we end up “comparing our lives worldwide with the best scenarios of others,” he says.
This seeming perfection of many of the interiors that appear on social media leads to a certain sense of guilt because we can’t have our house that neat, clean or beautiful. “People have the idea that it’s a more common situation than it really is,” reflects Rachel Hoffman, author of Unfuck Your Habitat: You’re Better Than Your Mess. (in Spanish), as a result of a Blogs sprang up in which he offered cleaning and household organization tips for people with more realistic circumstances than those catered to by systems like Marie Kondo’s.
“Most people don’t live like that. But what you see on social media is so disproportionate that you start thinking it’s you doing it wrong. It’s a very harmful cycle,” the author says in a video call. For Hoffman, who is committed to not just sharing what is perfect, behind many of these releases there are also “lots of class and money issues” that go untalked about. As an example, he cites photos of pantries where everything comes out of the original packaging, in appropriate, well-labeled containers. “It’s very visually appealing, but storage is extremely expensive. Buying all these things to fit is not possible for many people,” he emphasizes.
Corio Psicología psychologist Aurora Gómez agrees: “I would love to say that a publication was sponsored, to say ‘this person has fundamental privileges that you don’t see’. The majority of the Spanish population lives in small apartments with little light and poor insulation, as shown during detention. Gómez admits she follows a lot of decorating reports, but realizes they’re always big houses. “Good setting, good lighting, lots of plants… But for plants, even if it doesn’t seem like it, you need time, money and light,” he says. Social networks help to configure “what is an ideal home”. We don’t just compare ourselves to the best moments of others, we compare ourselves to the best moments of the homes of more moneyed people.
Why do we feel guilty about our disorder?
There are studies, like the internal documents leaked by Facebook, that conclude that Instagram is the most harmful social network for mental health. Normally, the social network user does not think about what it means to see perfect bodies and faces or what causes them to always see themselves through a filter, but the topic of home also generates feelings of guilt and uneasiness beyond socio-economic aspects . Because maybe having a big and bright house is not for everyone, but it seems clean and tidy as it should be.
Rachel Hoffman began working on Unfuck Your Habitat because she noticed that most household advice websites and books were implicitly geared toward “people with very specific lifestyles, people who stay at home, people with traditional families,” he says. These systems ignore “people who still live at home with their parents, or have roommates, or who work or work and study full-time, or people with disabilities or chronic or mental illnesses”. Hence his idea was to offer a broader and more comprehensive resource.
“Cleaning a house and keeping it tidy are skills that can be learned and there are people who have barriers to them. Whether or not your house is a mess doesn’t reflect who you are as a person,” says Hoffman. An example of how cleanliness has been linked to a certain morality is how often, when welcoming someone into their home, the host will apologize that it is not perfect. “I think in general we need to stop apologizing for how we live. Doing so constantly reinforces that unattainable standard we aspire to and is detrimental,” he stresses.
Aurora Gómez adds that mental health problems are very noticeable at home. Depression or anxiety, he explains, has among its characteristics limitations in energy, attention span, and the ability to execute. “It all adds up and makes housework more difficult,” she clarifies. On the other hand, the psychologist points out that there can be a seasonal component in our home that is not seen even on social networks, such as times when there is more work or when there is less time or energy left to take care of the house .
The conclusion is not that you need to stop cleaning or trying to make the house livable, but that it is important to be aware of the circumstances and try to adapt to them and not unattainable standards. “First we have to get rid of the idea that a clean house makes you a better person. Having a clean house means having a clean house, and that’s it,” argues Rachel Hoffman. “My goal is for people to say, ‘Okay, if I’m 80% messy, I can make it 70%. That’s an improvement and I can continue from there.’ However, when we see these almost magazine-like images, we think, “If I can’t get to it, it’s not worth trying.” For me it is very important to be able to say “I can do something, it doesn’t have to be everything”. We lose a lot of nuance when we see how things are presented on Instagram because it’s very all or nothing and doesn’t reflect how most people really live.”