Will Smith admitted in his memoir that feeling like a coward was “my biggest trigger” in a passage that explains why he beat Chris Rock at the Oscars.
Smith wrote that seeing his father brutally beat his mother when he was nine “defined who I am today more than any other moment.”
The Men in Black star admitted he “always thought of himself as a coward” for not joining in the beating.
He called his father a “violent alcoholic” and said he was contemplating suicide because he was ashamed he didn’t stand up to him.
Smith’s admissions in Will, which was released last November, shed new light on his actions at the Oscars that shocked the world.
Will Smith shocked the world on Sunday night when he slapped Chris Rock on stage at the Oscars for making a joke about his wife Jada Pinkett Smith
In a revealing passage from his memoir, Will, the actor wrote that feeling like a coward was “my biggest trigger.” He admitted he “always thought of himself as a coward” for not intervening when his alcoholic father brutally beat his mother. Will is pictured with his parents
He slammed Rock after the comedian joked about Smith’s wife Jada Pinkett Smith being bald — in fact, her shaved head is due to alopecia.
When Rock presented the Oscar for best documentary, Smith came on stage at the unplanned moment and hit him with his right hand.
Smith’s admissions in Will, which was released last November, shed new light on his actions at the Oscars that shocked the world
While Smith’s actions had viewers and commentators divided, his reasons for his behavior are made clear in his memoir.
Viewers saw Smith sitting upright in his chair, eyes brimming with anger as he told Rock, “Keep my wife’s name out of your friggin’ mouth.”
On “Will,” Smith recalled how he was deeply hurt when his career as a rapper began to wane when he was ousted by DJ Jazzy Jeff, his longtime collaborator.
Smith wrote that the episode “activated my most violent trigger: I had fought my entire life not to be a coward.”
Smith attributes it to how his own father, Willard Smith Sr., beat up his mother as a child and was wracked with guilt for the rest of his life.
Smith wrote that he “always considered himself a coward” for not intervening in these incidents.
Smith recalled a terrifying episode when he was nine when he “watched my dad hit my mom on the head so hard she collapsed.”
He wrote: “I saw her spitting up blood. That moment in that bedroom probably more than any other moment defined who I am today.
In a now very relevant bit, he continued, “Through everything I’ve done since — the awards and accolades, the spotlight and attention, the characters and the laughs, there’s been a subtle array of apologies to my mother for my inaction.” this day.
“For letting her down at that moment. Because I couldn’t stand up to my father. Because you’re a coward’.
Smith admitted in the book that his father — whom he called “Daddio” — “was violent, he was an alcoholic,” but he was also at every “game, play, or lecture.”
On “Will,” Smith recalled how he was deeply hurt when his career as a rapper began to wane when he was ousted by DJ Jazzy Jeff, his longtime collaborator. Pictured together in 1986
Jada supported her husband after he defended her by taking to the stage to slap Rock. They are pictured at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party
Willard was also sober at each of Smith’s film premieres and still considered him his “hero”.
But Smith wrote that because of his father, he was always “haunted by a nagging feeling that I’m failing the women I love.”
Smith wrote that he was “always doing too much” in his relationships and was “desperate to please his partner.”
As a result, he became a “pleaser” and developed his public role – as an entertainer and actor.
Smith wrote that his father hit his mother for the last time when he was 13, and it was one of only two times in his life that he considered suicide.
Smith’s difficult relationships with other men erupted when Jada became friends with the late rapper Tupac Shakur, a friendship that Smith says “tortured” him.
Smith felt Tupac was more masculine and had a “raging jealousy” towards him that made him feel “inadequate.”
When Jada chose Smith, he felt it was a “twisted way of winning,” which made him feel ashamed of himself.
Smith seemed to allude to his inner conflict in his acceptance speech for the Oscar when he talked about “protecting” his family.
He said that for his mother, “a lot of those moments are really complicated for me.”
Smith said: “I know in order to do what we’re doing you have to be able to take abuse, make people talk crazy about you. In this business you have to be able to be disrespected by people.
“You have to smile and pretend everything is fine.”