This living situation requires couples like the Wests to establish some rules that go beyond sharing chores, expenses, and childcare. What if we have a disagreement? (Not in front of the kids, please.) What about dates? (Please not in front of the children.)
Understandably, the situation requires clarification to outsiders.
“It’s nonsensical because the main reason people get divorced is because people don’t want to live with that person anymore,” said Paul Talbert, partner at Donohoe Talbert, a New York-based family law firm. “After making what is probably the most difficult decision of your life to leave a marriage, and then you don’t really go — it takes a special couple or a special reason.”
Covid was such a special reason. Abbie E. Goldberg, a professor of clinical psychology at Clark University in Worcester, Massachusetts, has tracked 300 separated and divorced people during the pandemic. For many families, she said, Covid has taken a nasty double whammy: emotional upheaval coupled with the loss of a job or income.
For some people who lacked the funds, the breakup was put on hold. “It’s the grin-and-bear-it scenario,” said Dr. Goldberg, “although some people say they would revisit the matter when their finances are stable.”
But delays in separation were also determined by what was best for the children. “Children’s needs have become more urgent during the pandemic and it’s easier to be co-parents under one roof,” Ms. Greenberg said. “And if you have a child who’s really depressed or has behavior problems, it can create more distress or be more difficult to manage as a single parent.”
Charissa Moses married in early 2018, had her first child in December, and her second child a few months into the pandemic. “No child care. We both work from home. No wonder we didn’t make it,” said Ms. Moses, 32, a public relations firm owner in Pittsburgh. She shares a five-bedroom colonial apartment with her ex-husband, who asked that his name not be used to protect his privacy.