Holland is a small country but known for many things: bikes, cheese, cafes, windmills and the largest population in the world.
A stranger detail has to do with something the Dutch rarely do: apologize.
Dutch culture speaker Saaskia Maarse says there’s a cultural motive behind it.
“The Dutch are known for being direct, which means their messages are clear and concise,” she tells BBC Reels. “But in most other countries, the communication style is indirect, which means you have to consider the underlying values in order to understand people.”
“The British style, for example, has a lot of politeness, diplomacy and tact. In the Netherlands, the underlying values are transparency, honesty and openness,” adds Maarse.
The Dutch only apologize when they’re really sorry, says Maarse, but not as politely as in so many countries.
“In British communication style, ‘sorry’ is a good word to be more diplomatic or polite. Here (in the Netherlands) we say that you should only apologize if you really regret it.”
For people from other countries moving to the Netherlands, it takes a little effort to understand the Dutch style.
This is the case of Verena from Indonesia. She says there is a completely different style in her home country.
“We Indonesians are anything but straightforward. We tend to back and forth when we talk, while the Dutch say, ‘If you want to say something, just say it. Get to the point,'” he says.
2 of 5 Saskia Maarse says many Dutch people struggle to understand the British style of communication, which is characterized by diplomacy and politeness and not always straightforward — Photo: BBC
Saskia Maarse says many Dutch people struggle to understand the British style of communication, which is characterized by diplomacy and politeness and not always straightforward Photo: BBC
Thus, some foreigners see the Dutch style as rugged, but understand that it is above all a cultural trait.
BBC Reels took to the streets of Amsterdam to hear opinions on this odd feature.
“Young people on bikes are very good, they always apologize. But other people, older generations, don’t do that. They never apologize,” says one respondent.
“When I know it’s my fault, I apologize. I can’t stand injustice,” says another Dutchman.
3 of 5 Maarse says one of the reasons for the reluctance to apologize is the constant battle with water: it took honesty to find solutions to the constant flooding — Photo: BBC
Maarse says one of the reasons for the reluctance to apologize is because of the constant struggle with the water: it had to be sincere to find solutions to the constant flooding Photo: BBC
This cultural trait, according to Maarse, has strange historical and practical origins: it is part of a kind of “consensus culture”.
“If you look at history, you (we Dutch) have a common enemy: water,” she says, pointing to the fact that historically the country has always faced floods. And almost a quarter of its territory is below sea level.
Because of this, for centuries the Dutch were forced to work together to find solutions to deal with flooding.
“They sat at tables and had long discussions and deliberations. You had to be honest in your ideas, thoughts and opinions in order to find a common solution,” Maarse argues.
4 out of 5 The culture has taken hold of the straight line style — Photo: BBC
The straight line style has taken root in the culture — Photo: BBC
The expert also says that in this context we have always seen each other as equals which is also due to the communication style.
Dutch openness can lead to communication dissonance, especially with the style of the British.
“If you make a business offer and the British or British person says ‘ah, that sounds interesting, I’ll look into it,’ we take that as ‘ah, he’s really interested and will look into it’.” But (for no Dutch) can very well mean: “I’m not interested because it’s a bad idea.” The challenge for the Dutch is to understand the true meaning of the conversation. We speak English, but we don’t always understand the message,” says Maarse. It adds:
“At the same time, it is of course a challenge for people in Britain not to be shocked by (Dutch) openness. The intention is to be honest and clear, but it’s something that is sometimes perceived as rude or even arrogant. ”
Het spijtme is a Dutch expression used to express regret that goes beyond the word “sorry” in most languages.
“Het spijtme involves more (than an apology): it involves a story, a situation,” explains Maarse.
5 out of 5 Rami, originally from Syria, and Lynn, from Maastricht (Netherlands), in an interview with the BBC: “Only apologize if you really regret it” — Photo: BBC
Rami, originally from Syria, and Lynn, from Maastricht (Netherlands), in an interview with the BBC: “Only apologize if you really regret it” — Photo: BBC
In the words of Lynn, one of the Dutch women interviewed by the BBC, the phrase aims to “say something that really comes from the heart. It really means repenting.”
For Lynn, the prevailing idea is that one shouldn’t apologize for nothing.
“Only say ‘sorry’ if you really want to apologize. Don’t say it if it’s not what you feel,” she defends.