There’s a whole lot of ugliness ahead of Kate and Toby’s decision to end their marriage, and Tuesday’s This Is Us shows it all.
The hour jumps around the couple’s timeline, giving us a glimpse of exactly how Kate Pearson and Toby Damon’s union is coming to its bitter end. And it’s bitter. But the episode also offers flashes of what the future holds for ‘KaToby’, and most of it is pretty happy and supports the idea that these two just aren’t meant to be together forever. Plus: we see two of the show’s previously established flash forwards intersect!
Read on for the highlights of the show’s 100th episode, “KaToby.” (And then make sure to join us here for a deep dive into these flash forwards.)
BRIDAL SUITE, REVISED | We begin the flash-forward to Kate’s wedding just as Madison and Beth kick Kevin out of the bridal suite. After he leaves, Beth remarks that her sister-in-law is incredibly censored about her big day… and then Toby calls. Sitting at home and congratulating her on their upcoming marriage, he says, “Kate, do you know what you said to me the day we signed our divorce papers? I want you to know that I see it now. I’m sorry it took so long. If only I had a crystal ball, I could have seen how that ended.” She says something about how life would be clearer if we lived it backwards… and then we begin our journey through Kate and Toby’s end days.
A VALIANT EFFORT | Today is the morning after little Jack takes his illicit trip to the park. Toby announces he will take the Los Angeles job he turned down: “It’s going to be a big step backwards in my career, but I’m willing to do anything to save our family.” That’s great and everything, but the grumpy tone in which he delivers this news makes me write in my notes: “UGH”. And when Kate also suggests couples therapy, he says he’ll do whatever it takes.
So they do. And everything starts well. But then Kate finds joy in her new position at the school, where Toby’s new appearance only earns him simmering resentment. And when Kate is late for therapy, he’s upset. They fight. “It’s like we’re trapped in a hellish version of Groundhog Day,” Kate tells her advisor. And Toby, sick of it all, leaves before the session has even started.
HAPPIER TIMES | The episode jumps back and forth in time, so does the synopsis. We’re jumping to Kate and Philip’s engagement party. Madison is with Eli and she is pregnant! Kevin’s date is an actress from a State Farm commercial, and Kate pulls her twin aside to whisper that his newest lady – who appears to be the youngest in a long line of unforgettable girlfriends – isn’t in the family photo at the wedding will be seen… and he agrees. (Ha!) Sophie is there with her husband; apparently she and Kate have become closer again. Kevin is surprised to see his ex-wife there, but promises Kate he’s okay with it.
Randall and Beth are also in attendance, and Kate jokes with her brother about his senatorial campaign. Rebecca and Miguel pass Kate and Philip’s table and there is a noticeable change in Rebecca; She relies heavily on her husband and is very reserved. As she congratulates the happy couple, she forgets Philip’s name for a moment.
But the sad moment passes, and Kate takes to the stage and mentions that “a few years ago, on an unnaturally hot day in Koreatown, that song changed everything for us.” She then calls her groom-to-be and they perform Chumbawumba’s “Tubthumping.” Yes. Everyone sings along.
END OF TIME | A few years ago, at a family celebration celebrating Hailey, Nicky and Franny’s second birthday, the atmosphere was a lot less celebratory. Kevin’s date is a woman from a Trojan condom commercial, which seems to be her only personality trait. Both Toby and Kate are there, but not really there, and after Toby makes a mean joke about Kate’s job, she retreats to the bedroom to cry.
Kevin finds her there. “How do I know when it’s time to end the marriage?” she wonders. He says she will know and that she and the children will be fine in the long run. And in the next scene, that’s confirmed: In one jump, when little Jack is 5 or 6(?), Philip asks Kate to marry him during a family dinner. The kids join in: after he gets down on one knee, they hold signs that read “Say yes!” and “Seriously mom, say yes!” She does, and Kate and Philip kiss.
I WILL BE DEPRESSED | But forget that for a moment, because we’re bouncing back to where Toby and Kate have been in therapy together for 16 months. Therapist suggests having dinner together, just the two of you. They do, but it quickly degenerates into the usual arguments. Eventually, Toby yells, “ENOUGH! I AM A GOOD FATHER!” and accuses Kate of taking the joy out of fatherhood. She points out that he always looks miserable when he’s with the kids, which causes him to spit back, “I look miserable because you’re in the room.” IMPRESSIVE.
No, wait – it gets even nastier. As his volume increases, Toby claims therapy is a joke and “it turns out the only crime I can feel guilty about is not being Jack Pearson… I’m sorry Jack Pearson died.” and you had to marry me to him instead.” They’d probably go on forever unless they hear Jack in the bathroom: He dunked his Boba Fett toy in the toilet to get them to stop fighting and get the toy back .
Later, Toby is disappointed and remembers hearing his parents argue as a boy. “It’s over, Toby,” says Kate sadly. “It’s time.”
BUT I GET UP AGAIN | The next piece zigzags a bit, so stay with me. After the divorce, Toby and Philip meet at a sports bar, where Philip says he plans to propose soon, and Toby realizes that Philip will become an even bigger part of Jack and Hailey’s lives than he already is. The meeting starts out abruptly, but gets a little less awkward after Philip promises he loves the children and thinks it’s an honor to help raise them.
Then we are at a Mexican restaurant on Kate and Philip’s first real date. She jokingly puts her hand on his as a mariachi band approaches their table; Too much “personal attention” is not his thing, he tells her. But they are both deeply affected by the touch of their hands and she apologizes to deal with her feelings alone. When Philip finds her, she says her marriage to Toby died because they swallowed their feelings and weren’t honest with each other, something she will never do again. “So I’m asking you straight, What are you doing to me?” She wonders, adding that he’s a “serial womanizer who dates a bunch of toothpick-sized women.”
He gently says her life isn’t the only “chaos” and goes on to tell her about his wife, who was blind. Trouble conceiving a child and three unsuccessful rounds of IVF “just sucked all the lightness and laughter out of our home.” And when she wanted to try a fourth, he said no. The division drove them apart, and when she left to live at her mother’s house, she was hit by a drunk driver. “I’m trying to be happy again and you make me happy,” he says through tears. “So that’s what I do.” Kate is touched. They kiss.
YOU WILL NEVER ENTERTAIN ME | Then we jump back to two days before the divorce is finalized when Toby takes the kids to Kate’s after staying at his house and then he asks to try again. “Kate, there’s still time. We don’t have to,” he says. He offers to return to therapy, but Kate has made up her mind. Both are doing better now, she emphasizes, and the children are visibly happier. “I’m scared. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to start over,” he says. “Our story can’t end like this.” He then kisses her… and Kate reiterates that it’s over , this is the last time I’ll ever kiss my wife again,” Toby says and leaves. Philip then texts Kate and — knowing she’d be downstairs — asks her if she’s in Koreatown, aka the hangout which she referred to in her toast to the engagement party, wants a drink.
The day Toby and Kate sign the divorce papers, she tells him afterwards, “This isn’t how our story ends. Just because our marriage is over doesn’t mean our story is over.” But he’s not in it. Still, in one montage, we see happy moments from her life after the divorce. Toby buys a house. One night he stays with Kate for dinner when Philip is there. And when Jack, Franny and Nicky turn 6, they’re all happy and getting along. (Madison also had her baby at this point.)
Elsewhere/time Toby meets a woman at a coffee shop and they both love making bad puns. Years later, she is at a bar with him while they are hanging out with Philip and Kate; Toby wears a wedding ring and rubs the woman’s arm affectionately, so I take a giant leap and say, this is the new Mrs. Damon. When (not quite) rock star Jack shows up with Lucy, we realize the foursome is there to hear him perform. Ah, folks!
Now it’s your turn. What do you think of the episode? Mute the comments!