I was in Portugal for two weeks, one of which was to delve into sexology and meet researchers from the country. With the exception of the Brazilian colleague who lives in Portugal, the group I belonged to was exclusively female. It was the time when sexuality was a maledominated issue, mostly doctors. Today I dare say that 80% of graduate courses in sexuality are occupied by female students and many of them are also coordinated by women.
From the moment we broadened the view of sexuality to include its psychological and sociocultural dimensions, particularly when it comes to gender studies and how inequalities affect female sexual pleasure, the field of sexology has essentially become a journey driven by Women from different fields of knowledge is walked.
Many of our younger colleagues who were with me made their first trip out of the country alone, some leaving their children in the care of their partners. And that has an important meaning. When my son Theo was four months old, I had to teach a postgraduate course again, which I coordinated in Natal. I spent a week pumping milk so he wouldn’t run out of stomach during the three days I was gone.
When I entered the classroom, the first question I was asked was who he was meeting with. And the obvious answer, in my case with the father wasn’t enough to curb the female suffering: But will he get used to the bottle? Will you breastfeed again afterwards? Surely questions a man is never asked.
Supporting one’s desires without the deterministic constraints of marriage and motherhood is no easy task. Currently, it is easier for the new generation of women to change this logic, that we alone are responsible for the provision of husbands and children, than for those over 40 years of age who are direct heirs to female subalternity.
But it is important to emphasize that it was never a question of desire, ability or strength, but of silence. Immigration, for example, has always been seen as an originally male movement, but studies on the subject show that many women have already taken the initiative in search of better opportunities. This historical recognition that reveals other truths about us helps in the conversation between generations.
I found it amusing when the mothers of two of my colleagues younger than me when they saw photos from the trip, wrote messages on my Instagram saying how proud they were of their daughters. As a teacher and one of the oldest in the class, maybe a little younger than their mothers, I can understand this admiration. If women used to try to contain their daughters from running away from the intended script, today they see what does good.