A mother has sparked debate after questioning whether it’s “natural for men to take care of babies” or whether women are better caregivers because they have “natural inclinations”.
The woman took to UK parenting forum Mumsnet to explain that her husband is the main carer for their eight-month-old daughter while she works, but he “finds it difficult”.
She added that her baby “setts in better” with her and has “separation anxiety” when she goes to work.
Some claimed children are more inclined to their mother for comfort, but others insisted it doesn’t matter which parent is the primary caregiver.
A mother sparked a debate on Mumsnet after asking if it’s “natural for men to take care of babies” or if women have “natural inclinations” (stock image).
The woman initially said she didn’t want “people to pile up and either start beating up men or suggesting solutions,” explaining that her husband is taking care of their baby daughter, who is now nine months, since she was eight weeks old old is.
“I’m back at work,” she said. “So he’s really the main carer and with [her] usually. Nevertheless, she generally gets along better with me and now the separation anxiety comes, she clings to me.
“Ideally there would be men here and I would be interested in hearing their views on this. But since there aren’t many men, maybe the army of women can share their observations and experiences on how their husbands find being around babies.
The unnamed woman, who is believed to be British, took to the parenting forum and explained her husband is the main caregiver for this eight-month-old baby while she works, but says he “finds it difficult”.
“The real point of this thread is to get a sense of how men feel about caring for young children.
She said that while her husband loves her daughter, he “finds it difficult to take care of her.”
“As an extension of that, when I’m not working he prefers that I take care of her as I think he finds it more tiring than I do,” she explained.
“So the point of this thread is to get more insight into how easy or difficult it is for men to take care of babies.
“I know, I know – we’re a modern society and generally quite forward-looking, but… Are there some natural biological tendencies that will never fully change? All we can do is try to understand better and support better.”
Some said their babies use their mother for comfort more than their father.
Some said their babies are more likely to use their mother for comfort than their father because it’s a “maternal bond.”
One person said: “My baby tends to lean towards me for comfort. This includes sleeping, eating, crying. He likes his father for playing, laughing and fun times. I’d be the default person if he’s upset in any way.
Another wrote: “I think it matters if they are very young. Small babies are more comforted by their mothers and mothers generally want to be close to them (except for PND/trauma etc.). The baby knows and responds to the sound of its mother’s voice before it is born.
“Statistically, moms are less likely to hurt/kill/abuse their babies (that’s not the same as saying all dads will before someone jumps on me).
“Adopted and borrowed babies experience lifelong trauma after being separated from their biological mother.
“But I think after a certain age, as long as the caregiver is good, it ultimately doesn’t matter what gender they are.
“Men should be encouraged to get involved. That doesn’t mean you have to ignore the biological reality of a very young baby who needs his mother.’
Someone else said: “I agree that mothers are better at handling babies/toddlers. I don’t know if socialization/hormones or mother bonding is the reason or a combination of all three.
“Men can be fantastic fathers and their role starts at the age of three. They can be very good even in their teenage years.’
Many felt that the primary caregiver would find taking care of the children more and more of a strain
However, others argued that the primary caregiver was becoming more and more exhausted in caring for children and that it had nothing to do with biological sex.
One person wrote: “Caring for young babies and children is exhausting and can be quite difficult. I don’t feel like the inherent biological connection of carrying the child makes this any less bad!
Another wrote: In my experience my husband is much better at handling our daughter than I am (as she gets older the evenings are a bit more awake). Neither of us is a patient person, but he seems to have far more patience for her than anyone else.
“He was generally better at calming her down, so he makes bedtime etc. I’m the one who finds it harder to be honest.
Other parents said they don’t think it makes a difference which parent takes care of the baby as there are “biological biases” for neither parent
“I think being a main maintainer is pretty darn hard, the demands are pretty much non-stop. I definitely handed the daughter over to the husband as soon as he got home from work. He was more capable because he hadn’t spent a day getting cried on and thrown up, so he had reserves that I didn’t have by the evening.
While someone else agreed, saying: “He finds it more tiring than you do because he does most of the childcare. The first thing I did on maternity leave was hand my son over to my husband when he got home from work. You’re better with children because you haven’t been with her all day.
“Have you also seen the many threads here where mothers are sad that their children, despite being the primary caregiver, are reaching a stage where they only want the father?
“I agree to a certain extent about the biology and natural instincts of women as caregivers. I think in the nine months that you carry your baby you naturally become primed to then care for him.
“But some of the points/examples you cite seem to just be a case of you having a weary husband, which is to be expected as he does most of the childcare. You know, it’s no walk in the park, even for a lot of women.”
Other parents said they don’t think it makes a difference which parent takes care of the baby.
One person said: “Obviously, if the mother is breastfeeding, the baby will be more attached to her. We bottle fed and my husband was as effective a caregiver as I was. I don’t think sex needs to come into play.”
Another wrote: “I think it totally depends on the person (parents and kids). Nobody is a natural parent – we learn when it happens.”
While someone else agreed, saying: “There are no different biological biases when it comes to men caring for children. Caring for babies is completely life-changing and often downright exhausting. If you had been the stay-at-home parent, you might find yourself acting and feeling just like your partner.
“I know that as soon as my husband came home from work, I would give him the baby when I was exhausted.
“I often think there’s still this perceived difference between the way men and women look after their children, e.g. B. Assuming that the woman is always the caregiver—often she isn’t, which in turn gives the man the excuse to be less involved. Which again is a complete cop. And so these negative gender roles are perpetuated.”