SPOILER ALERT: This post contains spoilers from the episode “Yellowstone, The Dream Is Not Me” Season 5 Episode 7 which premiered Sunday December 18th on Paramount Network.
Last week’s “Yellowstone” was a leisurely ride around the ranch that served to illustrate the culture of The Gather, which is essentially a community party celebrating cattle branding. But this week’s episode gets academic with lots of talk about pipelines, land deals, cattle diseases and the future of the beef industry. Continuing with the summary:
- Maybe I’m just not a good coastal elite, but Young Rip (Kyle Red Silverstein), who nearly beat a fellow cowboy to death just for talking about the woman he liked, walks the line from “chivalrous” to “psychotic.” ” exceeded. Even with a knife drawn on him… de-escalate with your words, Pardner!
- Also, that rude cowboy (Kai Caster) is called Rowdy?!? Young Rip: Rowdy’s reputation precedes him with a name like this, so perhaps only fight him under extreme circumstances. He’s known for being rowdy!
- Correction: Young Rip actually beat Rowdy to death. Oops!
- This anecdote explains the connection between Rip and John (Kevin Costner) pretty clearly. Good backstory!
- Jamie (Wes Bentley) would definitely benefit from therapy – but not someone he sleeps with.
- Ugh, Jamie is such a sucker for Sarah (Dawn Olivieri) and her bullshit… how can he not understand being played?!?
- Wow, will Brazil really overtake the US cattle industry as dramatically as Sarah describes? Apparently like that…
- “Look at all the bitches…” Ah, Beth, never change.
- Of course, Summer (Piper Perabo) has a really annoying attitude towards marriage. It’s too early in the morning, summer! Nobody drank coffee yet!
- Great out of nowhere question for Beth from poor sweet Monica (Kelsey Asbille): “Why are you so mean?”
- I googled “Brucellosis” and it sounds pretty nasty. It can also make people sick! In related news, “Yellowstone” was supposed to pop up video-like notes on the screen to explain the occasional cowboy thing to city slickers. It would bring clarity!
- Are the cowboys and cowgirls just kidding Summer by getting her to help with the cattle? Obviously she’s traumatized and terrible at it.
- There’s no way Rip can go down there and live with the cattle in the new country, right? Beth would kill him.
- Yellowstone ranch doesn’t have $1.4 million a month to spend on this cattle move? I thought the Duttons were damn rich! They own their own helicopter!
- Uh oh, John is going to get politically beat up for having to take out a loan.
- Have Beth and John…never discussed finances? Why is Beth so shocked about the business model?
- Jamie, listen to your assistant Kate (Maria Julian). She’s probably the only person on this show who only has your best interests at heart!
- Love a good old Jamie freakout.
- Oh no, they’re going to try to charge John! Actually, when I think about it… could this be for the best? He really doesn’t seem to care about the job or his constituents.
- So… could the ranch’s finances collapse because John never googled competitors to see if they were doing business online? Beth didn’t do deep research and cracked the code pretty quickly. It’s disappointing that the Yellowstone’s sinking could be due to John being a boomer fuddy duddy.
- Betting: Who will get into a fistfight at the carnival?
- Ah, Teeter (Jennifer Landon): Your incomprehensible accent and shocking libido are a gift to this show.
- I think Summer is right: this is the cutest kidnapping ever.
- Wait… is Clara (Lilli Kay) participating in the first ever queer make-out session on this show? HUGE NEWS! “Yellowstone” has always been boringly straight forward… let’s spice things up a little!
- Jamie’s speech is repetitive… practice if you’re less horny!
- I know the episode was technically over, but I’m obsessed with thinking who else should have a gay romance on Yellowstone. Could Martin Sheen appear as one of John’s long-lost cowboy friends hoping for one last ride? Will Summer and Beth get into another fight that turns into something… more? Will one of Jamie’s Harvard connection brothers (played by, say, Ian Somerhalder) come to help him in a lawsuit against John and offer…unexpected companionship? The possibilities are endless – please share your great ideas in the comments.
See you next Sunday evening!