1672015456 The Many Horrors of an Icelandic Christmas Yahoo News

The Many Horrors of an Icelandic Christmas

A sculpture of Grýla and her Christmas son Skyrgámur at Keflavik International Airport

A sculpture of Grýla and her Christmas son Skyrgámur at Keflavik International Airport

My condolences to the children of Iceland. While many Christmas celebrations around the world are filled with comfort, joy and rampant consumerism, for young Icelanders it’s a terrifying time when you may be lucky enough to get away with your life… or a potato. At least that seems to be the case, according to this fascinatingly frightening folklore.

Let’s start with Grýla, a giant half-troll, half-animal creature that lives in the Dimmuburgir Mountains and comes down at Christmas to look out for naughty children to kidnap. When she brings them home, she boils them alive in her cauldron for a boiling hot stew for herself and her third husband, Leppalúði, that lasts until the following winter. Apparently Icelandic children are really scared of Grýla; Depictions of the ogress can be seen across the land, though at times she looks more like a huge, gnarled old woman than a beast. However, according to the Icelandic legends collected by Jón Arnasen and published in English in 1864, here is a description showing why it inspires genuine fear:

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“Grýla had three hundred heads, six eyes in each head, except two pale and ghostly blue eyes on each nape. She had goat horns and her ears were so long that they hung down to her shoulders at one end and attached to the ends of her three hundred noses at the other. There was a tuft of hair on each forehead and a tangled and dirty beard on each chin. Her teeth were like burnt lava. To each thing she had tied a sack in which she used to carry naughty children, and she also had hooves like a horse. She also had fifteen tails, and on each tail a hundred sacks of skin, each capable of holding twenty children.”

That means Grýla snatches up to 2,000 naughty children at once, which either suggests she’s a wonderfully efficient kidnapper or Iceland has an unfathomably terrible naughty problem. For the record, the official tourism website for Iceland downplays Grýla’s image by saying that it “can only catch misbehaving children, but those who repent must be released,” but I can’t find another source find that backs it up.

The story goes on

Luckily, Grýla managed to find love — well, marriage at least — on three separate occasions. The first two were called Gustur and Boli; Legends vary as to whether they were eaten, murdered, or died of old age (and who died and how). She is currently married to the troll Leppalúði, who lounges in her cave while Grýla does all the work of kidnapping and cooking children. But they definitely have chemistry! The couple have 33 children, 13 of whom are known collectively as the “Yule Lads”.

The Yule Lads aren’t killers, thank god, but they are creepy. Each of the 13 days leading up to Christmas, one of these brothers comes to people’s homes and does something uniquely uncomfortable. According to Iceland Travel, they also have very impressive names. They are…

1) Sheep Lump (Stekkjastaur)

When he arrived on December 12th, he found the ewes and drank the milk straight from their teats.

2) Gully Gawk (Giljagaur)

On December 13, old Giljagaur was “waiting for an opportunity to sneak into the cowshed to sip the froth off the fresh milk when the milkmaid is looking away.” Iceland Travel’s words, not mine.

3) Stumpy (Stúfur)

Luckily, they’re not all milk perverts. Stúfur just wants the frying pan scratches when he comes to town on December 14th.

4) Spoonlicker (Þvörusleikir)

Many Christmas boys enjoy cleaning dishes by hand. You can probably guess what old Þvörusleikir is up to on December 15th.

5) Pot scraper (Pottasleikir)

Ditto, but for December 16th.

6) Bowl Tasty (Askasleikir)

These guys may seem harmless, but they leave you with troll spit everywhere. Anyway, bowls will be licked on December 17th.

7) Door Slam (Hurðaskellir)

Your cookware and utensils will be safe on December 18th when Hurðaskellir stops by in the middle of the night to obnoxiously slam doors.

8) Sky Eater (Skyrgámur)

When the doors slam, the Yule Lads turn to eating. On December 19, Skyr Gobbler steals skyr, an Icelandic dairy product similar to yogurt.

9) Sausage server (Bjúgnakrækir)

Pretty self-explanatory and yes, he’s arriving on December 20th. However, he hides in the rafters of your house while he waits to steal those sausages, which seems needlessly creepy.

10) Window Spy (Gluggagægir)

Despite the English connotations of the word ‘peeper’, on December 21 old Gluggagægir only looks in shop windows for things to steal. If you happen to be standing naked in front of your window, that’s on you.

11) Door Sniffer (Gattaþefur)

Gáttaþefur is by far the most disturbing Yule Lad on this list, and actually one of the kindest – he stays outside unless he comes to your door smelling Christmas cookies on December 22nd.

12) Meat Hook (Kjetkrókur)

And we’re back to meat stealing! On December 23, Gáttaþefur goes to your tower and lowers a hook into your chimney, hoping to catch meat hanging from the rafters or cooking on the fire.

13) Candle beggar (Kertasníkir)

Finally, on Christmas Eve, Kertasníkir comes, who strangely wants to take something from the candles.

Despite their particular fetishes, the Yule Lads leave a little treat for children who leave their shoes on the windowsill – if they’ve been good. If they’ve been naughty, they’ll get a rotten potato, though they’ll likely be killed and eaten by Grýla before they get a chance to find them.

But Grýla isn’t the only killer to haunt Iceland at Christmas. Grýla has a cat named Jólakötturinn, the Christmas cat, who is black as night and towers over houses and has a very special appetite. It is said that he roams the city and eats everyone – not just children – who does not get a piece of clothing for Christmas. While the folklore of the Christmas cat goes back centuries, it was made famous in Iceland in 1932 by Jóhannes úr Kötlum, who wrote a poem about it. This was later set to music, which was later recorded by Icelandic pop star Bjork. Here is part of what appears to be the most popular, if fairly literal, translation of the poem on the internet:

When a faint “meow” was heard outside

Then bad luck was inevitable

Everyone knew he hunted men

And didn’t want mice

He followed the poorer people

Who didn’t get new clothes

Shortly before Christmas – and tried and lived

Under the worst conditions

From them he took at the same time

All her Christmas dinner

And ate them too

if he could

That’s why the women competed

To rock and sow and spin

And knit colorful clothes

Or a small sock

brutal, right? Well, the silver lining is that the Christmas Cat isn’t just a merciless killer of the impoverished, but a dire reminder to those in need…lest they be murdered by a cat. The poem continues:

I don’t know if she still exists

But his journey would be in vain

If everyone got next Christmas

Any new rag

You might want to keep it in mind

To help when needed

Because there could be children somewhere

Who get nothing at all

Maybe that’s looking for those who suffer

For lack of abundant light

Will bring you a happy season

And Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to everyone! And sorry Iceland.

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