Prince Andrew: The Musical
Thursday 9 p.m., channel 4
Valuation: 
No one expected Prince Andrew to show up for Christmas service at Sandringham, but there he was on Sunday, wrapped in his fleeting coat, hanging on the back of the royal pack as they made their way to church.
Shy or shady? How one interprets his behavior depends very much on how charitable one feels toward the disgraced prince.
I have zero sympathy for the boastful buffoon, but allegations of sexual assault against a 17-year-old – which has been vehemently denied – do not make him a legal or moral pedophile.
It might make him repulsive and scruffy and stupid and weak and guilty to be associated with a man like Jeffrey Epstein – but I think we have to be fair in considering the behavior of a king offering a woman a settlement in of £12million, which he says he can’t even remember meeting. things happen. Or is it?
JAN MOIR: On Thursday evening, Channel 4 will air Prince Andrew: The Musical, billed as a satirical show about the royal black sheep. Curtain up? C4’s musical recreates the above Newsnight interview with Kieran Hodgson as Andrew and Emma Sidi as Emily Maitlis
Certainly the royal diehards who lined the route to St Mary Magdalene church on Sunday seemed pleased enough to see him, even though King Charles has all but banned his younger brother from public life.
However, it is unlikely that the Duke of York would have been there without a semi-official royal sanction.
And who would deny a prodigal son—perhaps even seeking penance—the comfort that can be found in a house of worship on one of the holiest days of the year?
Yet Prince Andrew remains the bleak midwinter in the Windsor calendar, the dead mouse in the royal punch bowl, the kipper sewn into the ermine ruff. What does the future hold for him now?
Shame and blame continue to cloud his tentative efforts at some sort of civic rehabilitation, and he seems left with nothing but widespread contempt and ridicule. And there is certainly no shortage of the latter.
For at the end of another hot year, fate has in store yet another punishment for the late Queen’s favorite son.
On Thursday evening, Channel 4 will air Prince Andrew: The Musical, billed as a satirical show about the royal black sheep.
The hour-long special, interspersed with real-life footage of key events in Andrew’s life, begins with his disastrous BBC Newsnight interview with Emily Maitlis in 2019 and is a quick descent into shame and humiliation from there. Cue the music!
“I can’t believe I said that, that sweat thing. Though you’d rather have a prince dry than one soaking wet,” the prince sings in the show’s opening number, “I Nailed It.”
However, this lack of ferocity and absence of royal dangers make for a rather tepid show. Emma Sidi plays Maitlis and Jenny Bede (pictured) is the Duchess of York
Other songs include “Will You Be My Ex-Wife?”, “Obey” and finally “You’re Always Going To Need An Andrew”.
Not even Prince Andrew’s accuser, Virginia Giuffre, who is absent from the musical for reasons of good taste, is not even mentioned.
However, this lack of ferocity and absence of royal dangers make for a rather tepid show. Emma Sidi plays Maitlis and Jenny Bede is the Duchess of York. “Everybody knows I got subtlety from my amazing a**e,” she sings in what’s nearly the show’s worst line. In every show you want to mention!
The powerful-voiced Munya Chawawa is not a success as Prince Charles. “Maybe that’s why I’m so dry, all I can do is become a postage stamp and die,” he wails.
Meanwhile, there are cameo roles for Harry Enfield as Tony Blair and RuPaul’s Drag Race UK star Baga Chipz, who transforms Margaret Thatcher into a predictably ghastly gargoyle.
It’s not even relevant to the Prince Andrew story, but no one associated with Channel 4 will ever resist a gratuitous Thatcher party, right? Right.
The star of the show, however, is the rather endearing Kieran Hodgson, who not only wrote the musical but plays both old and young Prince Andrews as stubborn heads lost in a fog of justified confusion. No complaints from me there.
But don’t worry. This musical doesn’t land any punches, barely has a decent melody and is as mundane as a meringue. Key moments are dealt like turning cards; Fergie, Helicopter, Toes, Airline Miles, Golf, Daughters, Ghislaine, Epstein, Shame, The End.
And while there’s a lot of bad in the Duke of York’s life – so very, very bad – why waste time poking fun at the good elements? His military service, paternal devotion, and the admirable success of his relationship after divorcing his ex-wife are all commendable, not ridiculous. But there will be no mercy for Andrew, not now, maybe never.
The musical is part of C4’s Truth and Dare: 40 Years of Pushing Boundaries season.
Other programs in the series included a documentary about men with extra-large penises, controversial comedian Frankie Boyle on 1,000 years of the British monarchy – oh-oh – and a documentary about an Afghan porn star.
Penises and porn? This is the terrain the shamed Duke of York must traverse, this is the company he must now keep.
The powerful-voiced Munya Chawawa is not a success as Prince Charles. “Maybe that’s why I’m so dry, all I can do is become a postage stamp and die,” he wails
According to the show’s producer Adam Reeve, it was Channel 4’s idea to do a musical about him. I bet it was like that.
It appears to be open season in the House of Windsor, increasingly viewed as fun figures under attack by a new, nonchalant brutality.
The C4 musical even conjures up a tampon joke to embarrass the king, while he and Prince Andrew aren’t the only royals to appear in seasonal entertainment. Oh yes they are. Oh no, they are not!
In Sir Ian McKellen’s smash hit Mother Goose panto, currently at the Duke of York’s Theater in London, a Camilla, Queen Consort character (Genevieve Nicole) plays castanets while lying on the floor with her legs apart and screaming, “This is going to win you the confidence.” of the prince!’
Last year Diana: The Musical opened and closed on Broadway; a rock opera version of the life of the former Princess of Wales, which is said to be “about a woman who chose to be fearless and thereby became ageless”.
It was also shown on Netflix, and some of you may remember the horror of the lyrics – for many of them weren’t sublime, but a crime against rhyme that someone should have taken the time to understand.
“Oh Harry, my red-haired son, you will be second to none,” Diana sang at one point. She later wanted to “tell the truth about Charles and his mistress Camilla — he’s a third-rate Henry VIII and she’s Godzilla.”
It pains me to report that Prince Andrew: The Musical is slightly better. ‘I have fought the Argies alone, with a fleet or with a fleet. If it weren’t for my helicopter and my joystick, we would have suffered defeat,” sings Andrew.
However, it is timely reminded that it was Peter Mandelson who, with the support of then Prime Minister Tony Blair, made the prince a government-backed trade envoy in the first place.
Can you imagine something so ridiculous happening now? Perhaps for the best, we now live in a very different era — a time when the age of deference is truly over and nobody thinks twice about being blatantly rude to a royal family who can’t reply
The final number in Prince Andrew: The Musical sees our eponymous hero, in top hat and tails, weaving his way through a bewildering routine.
In the song, the princely character argues that he is fulfilling a strategic role as the royal family’s fall guy.
“I was born to be the scapegoat for the shame of our entire family. Members of the Great Unwashed ask for a Saint, but we’re not perfect,” he lilts.
It’s a ridiculous conceit, of course, but his last words are all too believable.
“You haven’t heard the last of me,” sings Prince Andrew as the curtain falls. Ominous.