Sexologist Ana Lombardía advises parents to approach conversations about sex honestly with their children.
If we had to choose a topic of conversation that gives parents headaches, it would probably be sex and everything that goes with it. For this reason, the conversation about it at home is often delayed, a conversation that can become a little more complicated if it is had while the children are already teenagers. This explains Ana Lombardía (Madrid, 38 years old), a sexologist who has been carrying out sexual and couples therapy for more than 10 years, in addition to leading numerous conferences and workshops on sexual dissemination for adults.
The equality observer from the Sexpol Foundation – an organization that promotes university education with a gender perspective and therapeutic advice – still believes sex is a taboo topic: “The majority of people who come to my advice have feelings such as fear and guilt.” and uncertainty. Some even come to the conclusion that they are strange and feel enormous discomfort because they do not know how to deal with the problem.” “I think it is important to approach these problems with the naturalness and simplicity that they deserve,” continues the wellness and sexual health consultant for adult toy brands like We Vibe. “In this way, we are able to solve any difficulties that arise simply and directly,” he adds.
More information
If it is sometimes difficult to talk to an adult about your own sexuality, dealing with this topic with children can be even more complicated because many parents do not know how to deal with it: “The conversation during puberty usually comes too late and the children tend to be quite reserved. Talking to your parents about sex,” says Lombardía. “Sometimes it works better for them to give them information indirectly, for example by watching series or films together and commenting on a scene.” The expert gives other ideas: He leaves books or educational brochures within his reach or causes him to accidentally do so Listening to conversations from adults who could serve as references for him (e.g. uncles or older cousins).
To make it easier to talk about sex with your children, it is best to teach sex education from an early age, as it is crucial to each individual's personal development. For Lombardía, it is important that the child learns to build healthy relationships: “Building a respectful bond; understanding love; To understand and know your body and those of others. “In addition, it is important that he learns about pleasure and boundaries… With the foundations in this area well laid, we will lay the foundation for sexually healthy adults.”
But for this expert, sex education should be a life-spanning topic: “From the beginning of knowing the body parts by name and not with a diminutive (e.g. penis instead of cock) to the emphasis.” You don't need a kiss or a hug give if you don't want to. All of these issues are crucial.” The psychologist emphasizes that when discussing sexuality, parents must always answer their children's questions honestly and sincerely, as well as directly and clearly: “Even if parents don't know the answer, they can openly acknowledge it and look for answers. “The solution,” for example, summarized in a trustworthy book.”
Especially in adolescence, parents need to make sure their children know they can talk to them about sex.eyecrave Productions (Getty Images)
“Parents need to make sure their children, especially those in their teens, know that they can talk to them about sex if they need to, and that if they mess up, they are there to help them with whatever they need without too much trouble judge.” “Nor complain,” he continues. In addition, for the sexologist, parents also need to understand that sexual orientation is not something you choose: “It is something you just are.” As he reports, the only way to deal with it is to handle it with care and accepting love without trying to change it: “They may not fully understand it, they may not even share it, but it is not always necessary.” Acceptance means respect.”
The importance of being informed to talk to your children about sex
“To speak to someone or anyone, it is important that we do it in the same language,” says Lombardía. “If we don't have a common vocabulary or jargon, it will be difficult for us to reach an understanding.” The expert explains that all new generations develop their own terminology, not only in relation to sexuality: “To understand them, can We ask our children directly, the teachers at the study center or search for word lists on the Internet. Fortunately, this resource already exists.”
Although Lombardía recognizes that there is an increasing awareness of the importance of talking to children about sexuality, she fears that parents still lack many tools to deal with these issues from home: ” Ultimately, we are a generation of fathers and mothers who have had no, scanty or negligent sexual education, so it is now very difficult for us to provide this super good education.” As the sexologist explains, the Lovehoney Group and its brand We Vibe , who has been advising her professionally for years, created a guide to help families talk about sexuality to solve this problem: “It is divided into age groups, because sex education at 7 is not the same as at 14”.
Last September, sexual wellness company We Vibe released this statement based on a survey involving 14,816 men and women from 11 countries (Germany, Australia, Canada, Spain, USA, France, Hong Kong, Japan, United Kingdom) . , Singapore and Switzerland). Although the final results are still pending publication, among the results of this international questionnaire it is worth highlighting that more than 39% of parents reported that they felt uncomfortable with the idea of discussing masturbation or sex with their sons and daughters. On the contrary, 33% of parents dare to address these sensitive topics, according to a press release.
Based on the conclusions, the sexual wellness company developed a manual for children ages 3 to 18 to talk to children about sex, citing some topics:
- From 3 to 7 years. The guide recommends portraying sexuality as something gentle, using age-appropriate language and talking about intimacy and consent, among other things.
- From 8 to 12 years. Experts suggest that you talk to them about puberty and physical changes during this stage. about the importance of personal hygiene, how to build healthy relationships or dealing with the unrealistic image of pornography.
- From 12 to 15. It is suggested to talk to them about masturbation without prejudice; of safe sexual practices; about contraceptive methods and, above all, finding information from reliable sources.
- From 16 to 18 years old. They suggest that it is best to promote autonomy, talk about abuse of self and others, sexual diversity, or that sexual pleasure is something normal and healthy.
You can follow Mamas & Papas on Facebook, X or sign up here to receive our bi-weekly newsletter.
Subscribe to continue reading
Read without limits
_