It’s one thing to meet another singleton who wants to date you, but that doesn’t always mean they’re ready for a real relationship.
If they don’t want to open up and are unreliable, they may be “emotionally unavailable,” meaning they are unable to engage in a relationship on a deeper level.
Luckily, London-based relationship and positive psychology coach Elle Mace has revealed the seven narrative signs someone might be emotionally unavailable.
She added that while you can’t tell if someone is suffering from these emotional deficiencies on a first date, there are ways to deal with this behavior once you spot it.
And psychologist Barbara Santini added that voicing your needs might help them become emotionally available.
If your partners don’t want to open up and are unreliable, they may be “emotionally unavailable,” meaning they can’t engage with your relationship on a deeper level, said London-based relationship coach Elle Mace. Image from a photo agency
Elle said there are questions you can ask yourself to help determine if your partner is emotionally unavailable.
“Are you able to share your personal thoughts and feelings with them, do you know how they feel, do you feel supported and comfortable opening up, are you able to make decisions?” She asked.
“If the answer is no, then maybe they’re emotionally unavailable,” she added.
The expert added that there are several reasons why someone might have trouble showing their feelings.
“It could be that they don’t feel safe expressing their feelings, especially if they haven’t learned how to or didn’t feel comfortable showing emotions as a child,” Elle said.
“For example, if a child is told to stop crying, then as an adult they may feel that it is not okay to cry or that it is stupid to cry and therefore fear that it will be shut down again, when it cries,” she added.
And a partner might act aloof if they’re afraid of rejection or ridicule.
7 Signs Your Partner Might Be Emotionally Unavailable
These are the signs to look out for when a man or woman is emotionally unavailable and how emotional unavailability manifests itself.
- You don’t like to commit to plans,
- To have the last word,
- avoidance of the word relationship,
- have persistent difficulty in approaching other people
- They reflect their feelings instead of offering their own or advice,
- Can be unreliable
- They have attachment issues and trauma
Elle said that’s because “they’ve experienced rejection or been hurt in the past when they showed their full selves, so it’s a coping mechanism to keep them safe.”
Meanwhile, Barbara added that people who are emotionally unavoidable tend to monopolize the conversation.
“These people talk excessively about themselves and never ask about your feelings or thoughts for a variety of reasons, such as: B. Fear of vulnerability and emotional intimacy, empathy deficits or low emotional intelligence.
“That means they talk excessively about themselves and never ask about your feelings or thoughts,” she said.
Whatever the case may be, take charge of the conversation to avoid deep and meaningful conversations that might bring you closer.
“It protects them from being emotionally hurt. Another reason is that they are uncomfortable talking about their feelings,” she said
She added that these people can also generally put less effort into your relationships than you can because of their fear of commitment.
“Are you the only one practicing emotional vulnerability or solving all relationship problems? If so, your partner is emotionally unavailable,” she said.
She explained that the thought process behind this is that these partners try to protect themselves by not investing too much of themselves in the relationship, driven by fear of rejection.
Elle explained that it’s not possible to know if someone is emotionally unavailable from the moment you meet them.
That’s because “you don’t want to confuse nerves with emotional unavailability, and often someone can overcompensate and put on a facade at first, which is a coping mechanism.”
She said you can look for signs and possible red flags that someone is struggling to be emotionally accommodating, but that you shouldn’t immediately assume they’re unavailable.
However, there are a few signs to look out for when meeting a person that might indicate that they are emotionally unavailable.
Elle Mace, relationship and positive psychology coach from London, has uncovered the narrative signs that someone might be emotionally unavailable to help navigate these relationships
“Do they get defensive easily or can you make eye contact with ease, are they opening up about their flaws, vulnerabilities and experiences, or is it all just a little bit stiff,” she said.
Once you’re certain someone is emotionally atrophied, you should set boundaries and “stick to them, even when there’s lust,” Elle said.
She said the best way to deal with an emotionally unavailable partner is to prioritize their self-worth over their attraction to them.
“Have self-worth and practice increasing your own indolence and self-esteem,” the expert said.
“Understand that they have to start their own journey, when they are ready, become present and aware and ask how this relationship will benefit you and learn to detach,” she added.
She added that communication can be a great way to deal with partners exhibiting this type of behavior.
“The worst thing you can do is play them at their own game,” which never ends well.
“Have a chat with your partner and tell them that their unavailability is becoming an issue for you,” she said.
“Have this conversation in a quiet, safe and relaxing environment and not in public, explain why you feel this way and how the relationship could benefit if they took some responsibility to reach out to you,” she added .
Elle also explained that you should take some time each week to check on each other.
She added that it’s also important “not to pass judgment on why they might be struggling to communicate.”
Meanwhile, Barbara added you should be clear with your partner about your emotional needs.
“Let her know what you’re not getting in the relationship. The goal is to make sure everyone feels happy or at peace,” she said.
If problems persist and you’re having trouble meeting those needs after you’ve articulated them, Barbara says you should take a temporary break or end the relationship altogether if you’re still unsatisfied.