Britney Spears’ long-awaited memoir hits bookstores on October 24th. After a life in the spotlight and after 13 years of paternal tutelage, the singer has decided to tell her story in the first person in “The Woman In Me” (in Spanish: La mujer que soy, Plaza y Janés). But People magazine went ahead and this Wednesday published both a large excerpt from the book and an interview with the artist, who was photographed for the cover in her first feature in more than five years.
In the book, Spears talks about what it was like to become famous as a child, to sign record deals at just 15, or to become a mother at the height of her success. But two themes in particular stand out from what has been published so far: the guardianship to which she was subjected for 13 years by her father, Jamie Spears, and how she experienced it; and that when she was around 20 and dating Justin Timberlake, she became pregnant and decided to have an abortion due to pressure from the singer. These are some of Spears’ revelations in her memoir. “My fans deserve to hear it directly from me,” he says.
Justin Timberlake and abortion
One of the excerpts from the book that has garnered the most attention is the episode in which the now 41-year-old singer explains that during her relationship with Justin Timberlake, 42, in the late ’90s (they started dating in 1999 ) at the age of 17 and 18 respectively) and decided to have an abortion in the early 2000s. She had never said anything about it before. In fact, the couple, considered a sort of “America’s Sweethearts,” were under constant surveillance at the time, and the tabloids’ favorite topic of conversation was whether they kept their virginity (which, as it later emerged, they didn’t).
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“It was a surprise, but for me it wasn’t a tragedy,” he says in the excerpt published exclusively by People. “I loved Justin very much. I always hoped that one day we could start a family. “It happened much earlier than I expected,” she explains of the moment she became pregnant, at a date she is not revealing for the time being. “But Justin wasn’t happy with the pregnancy at all. “He said we weren’t ready to have a baby in our lives, we were too young.”
In any case, she wanted to continue the pregnancy with the N’Sync singer: “If it only depended on me, I would never have done it. But Justin was absolutely sure that he didn’t want to be a father. He still remembers it today as “one of the most painful experiences” of his life. In 2018, Timberlake published a book called Hindsight: & All the Things I Can’t See in Front of Me, in which he quoted Spears but never quoted this episode. Even she, who had suffered a natural miscarriage a year and a half ago, had never told her about it.
Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears, during the 44th Grammy Awards, in Beverly Hills, February 26, 2002.L. Cohen (WireImage)
When her father belittled her and called her fat
Spears’ relationship with her father has been complex since childhood and became particularly complicated when he began protecting her in 2008. In her memoirs, the artist states that she always felt that she was not enough for him, since she was very young. small, “something that would break the soul of any child.” “She’s been hammering me with that message since I was a kid, and even after many successes, she continued to do it to me.” For Spears, it was hard to break away to feel watched and vilified by the press, but what was worse was that her family did. “If you think being criticized in the press for my body was bad, then it hurt even more that it came from my own father.” “I kept telling myself that I was fat and that I must do something about it.”
Spears also talks about how Jamie Spears “and her partners” (without naming anyone specifically) controlled everything about her: “My body and my money.” “It disgusts me.” “Think about how many artists gamble away all their money, how many abuse drugs or have mental health problems. No one is trying to lose control of their body or their money. “I don’t deserve what my family did to me.”
The happiness of the beginning with an almost normal family and daiquiris at the age of 12
Spears fondly recalls the early years of her career, when she started on the Mickey Mouse Club, a children’s show on American television, with other young people who would later become stars: Christina Aguilera, with whom she shared a dressing room because they were the youngest, current actor Ryan Gosling and Justin Timberlake himself, with whom he quickly developed a connection. The artist doesn’t regret being a child star because he rehearsed the choreographies “up to 30 times” a day. I was happy. “Honestly, it was every kid’s dream. Incredibly funny, especially for a girl like me,” she says in the chapter of her memoir published by People.
When the program ended, she decided to give up that career—temporarily, as it turned out—and return with her family to her small town in Louisiana. And he admits that he was happy there. “I went back to high school and, as a teenager, lived a life that was as close to normal as my family could get.” He liked “the beautiful normality” of that stage, “driving around town, going to the movies go”. But he quickly realized that something was missing and he wanted to get back on stage.
Britney Spears and her mother Lynne at the Grammys in February 2000. Jim Smeal (Ron Galella Collection via Getty)
One of the anecdotes the singer remembers is how she went on a trip with her mother Lynne, with whom she is now no longer in a relationship, and when they arrived at their destination they had a few daiquiris together. She was in the 8th grade at the time, she was about 12 years old. “I loved being able to have a drink with mom every now and then,” he says of this alcoholic cocktail. “The way we drank was nothing like my father’s. When he drank he became withdrawn and depressed. We were happier, more alive, more adventurous.”
From the rebellion of shaving to infantilization and “shadowness”: guardianship
The conservatorship was without a doubt the most difficult period in Britney Spears’ life. She makes it clear how she lost herself, how difficult it was for her to bring out the adult woman in her. “I became a robot. But not just a robot: a kind of girl robot. I had been so infantilized that I lost what made me me,” she says.
This trial came after a complex moment in his life in which his mental health played tricks on him and which, unfortunately for him, became something public and one of the most watched moments of his career. In February 2007, at the age of 25, she was spotted entering a tattoo parlor and completely shaving her head. “Growing up, I was in the spotlight. I’ve been looked at up and down since I was a teenager, people told me what they thought of my body. My way of fighting back was to shave my head and act out. But under guidance it was made clear to me that this phase was over. I had to keep my hair long and style it. “I had to go to bed early and take the medication they told me to.”
Spears explains that it was difficult for her to feel and act like an adult because she was not treated as one and therefore often behaved like a child. “But then my adult self would emerge again… but in my world no one would allow me to be an adult.” All of this put a strain on her personally, mentally and artistically: “The woman in me was suppressed for a long time. On stage they wanted me to be a wild one, they called me a robot and the rest of the time […] It was the death of my creativity as an artist.”
“Guardianship robbed me of my adult self and made me a child again. On stage I became more of a unit than a person. I had always felt music in my blood and it was stolen from me. “If they had let me live my own life, I would have followed my heart and come out of it in the best way, it would have worked.” The singer states that she was unable to make good creative material , “just a little here and there, but no soul.” “Given my passion for singing and dancing, it was almost a joke at the time. “I felt like a shadow of myself for 13 years.”
Her problems with acting and a possible protagonist of “Noa’s Diary”
In addition to music, Spears also tried her hand at acting. It was in 2002 with the teen film Crossroads alongside Zoe Saldaña and Taryn Manning that passed without pain and glory. She says it was a complicated experience because she empathized too much with her character using the method created by Stanislavski, a style of acting created by Stanislavski that requires you to delve deeply into the experiences of the character you are bringing to life has… and she couldn’t come out. . “There are people who use the method but are aware that they are using it. But I couldn’t separate it. In the end I walked differently, behaved differently, spoke differently, I was a different person during those months. I bet the girls I did the movie with thought, “She’s a little weird…” and if so, they were right.”
Zoe Saldana, Taryn Manning and Britney Spears in a scene from the film “Crossroads.” Archive photos (Getty Images)
For her, it was the beginning and the end of her career as an actress, which she is happy about. “I hope I never come back to this work issue again. Living like this, being half yourself and half a fictional character, is a mess. After a while you don’t know who you are anymore.” However, his career could have experienced an unexpected boost. As she claims in her book, the team behind the film Noah’s Diary apparently contacted her about playing the lead role, which was ultimately played by Rachel McAdams. “While I think it would have been fun to see Ryan Gosling again after our time on The Mickey Mouse Club, I’m glad we didn’t. Because if I had, I would have been acting like a 1940s heiress day and night instead of working on my album In the Zone.”
Your children, your pride
Before being taught day and night by her father for 13 years, Spears married dancer Kevin Federline in 2004 and had two children, two boys named Sean Preston, now 18, and Jayden James, 17. The boys are now living up Hawaii under the guardianship of her father, but in the interview with People, the singer hints that, although it has been said that they are very estranged, she does maintain a relationship with them.
“Starting a family was a dream come true,” he says. “Being a mother was a dream come true.” She says that she is most proud of the birth of her children in her life. At this time, Federline and the children are not mentioned further in the published excerpts. Not even from her last husband, Sam Asghari, to whom she was married for 14 months until August last year.
Work ethic (despite the snakes)
When Spears grew tired of life in her city, she began performing for music executives (“Men in suits who looked me up and down, in my tiny dress and my high heels; I sang very loudly”), to whom she told “I Have Nothing” by Whitney sang to Houston until she signed a music contract with Jive Records at the age of 15.
Britney Spears, during one of her most famous performances at the 2001 MTV Video Music Awards.KMazur (Getty)
The singer assures that she always tried hard and gave her best in her work. “I worked for hours. My work ethic was very strong. If you knew me back then, you might not hear from me for days. I was in the studio as often as I could. When someone wanted to leave, I told them, “It’s not perfect.” When all the songs were finished, someone said, “What are you doing now?” “Do you want to dance?” And I said yes.”
She demonstrated this kind of experimentation with three albums in three years (Baby One More Time, 1999; Oops!… I Did It Again, 2000; and Britney, 2001). For the latter, she had the courage to go on stage at the MTV VMA Awards with a snake that scared her and that she believed would kill her if she looked directly at her. “In my head I said to myself, ‘Act, just act, use your legs,’ but no one knows that while I was singing, the snake stuck its head in my face and started hissing. I was like, ‘Shit, really? Did you point your damn tongue at me?’ But I managed to finish it and return it, thank God.”
The challenge of freedom
Regaining freedom after 13 years under her father’s guardianship was not easy for the singer, as she explains in her memoirs: “I admit that sometimes it is a challenge to learn this new freedom.” Just like you in tell your memoirs. “It’s hard to talk about it,” he explains about his worst moments: “Not having a moment of peace, the judgments of people who don’t know me, my family and the government take away my freedom and I lose my passion for “Things,” what I love.” But it was important to her to get her voice back, to tell her story (“without consequences from the people who were responsible for her life”), and she believes her fans deserve to hear it straight from her mouth. “No more conspiracies, no lies, just me in possession of my past, my present and my future.”
“Since I regained my freedom,” says Britney Spears, “I have had to build a completely different identity. I had to say, “Wait, that’s what I was, passive and complacent.” A girl. And that’s me: someone who is strong and confident. A woman”.