Warning. The language of this column is direct and explicit.
Recently, there have been many studies on pornography and its effects on the brain. My question is: does it also exist in erotic literature? It’s a genre that’s exploding in the online self-publishing industry, and my wife is an avid consumer of it. You use the euphemism ‘hot’ but I guarantee you these are very naughty books. My wife consumes tons of e-books and audiobooks, and there seems to be a large community of female readers like her. Erotic fiction is good for our relationship: we listen to the scenes together and I help my wife to orgasm with my hands or tongue. It’s a fun way to share intimacy. And even when copulating, listening is less intrusive than watching other people have sex on a screen. But back to my question, there are many studies looking at the effects of porn movies and pornographic images on the brain, but has anyone ever looked at the effects of erotic fiction? It is the oldest artistic means of arousal that we have. What is it doing to our brain?
–Lessons in titillation
“I’ve never come across any neurological studies of adult literature,” says Dr. Kelsy Burke. “Which doesn’t surprise me, given that the questions scientists ask about sexuality tend to reflect broader social and cultural interests. In this case, the research on “porn” is almost exclusively about the visual medium, not the written word.”
dr Burke is a sociologist and the author of The Pornography Wars, an excellent new essay on the ongoing culture war against pornography. That is, LIT when Dr. Burke has never found studies on the dirty books your wife loves to read, then there aren’t any. And while there are many studies analyzing the effects of pornographic images—moving and still—on our brains, the data they produce is often pretty useless.
“The connection between pornography and the brain is more debated than empirically studied,” explains Burke. “And this is often talked about by groups who oppose pornography for political or religious reasons. Scientific studies, on the other hand, provide conflicting results and no definitive conclusions about the effects of pornography on the brain.”
In short, despite the studies and the differing positions – from critics and proponents of pornography – the truth is that we don’t know whether or not pornographic images and videos change our brains.
“We know that our brain processes images sixty thousand times faster than text,” explains Dr. burke “One of the most compelling arguments I’ve found about the potential harms of porn on the internet – and that’s true not just of porn, but of any streaming site – is that sometimes it keeps us hooked longer than we do would “Like , is the rapid alternation of videos and frantic processing of images they expose us to.”
We all know someone who watches too much TV, plays too many video games, or spends too much time on TikTok: all of this content is presented to us on the same screens we get porn from, and they all trigger the same dopamine rush. But while it’s normal to worry about too much screen time on Ted Lasso or Minecraft, the mix of pleasure, freedom of choice and risk of sexual exploitation that characterizes porn fuels a very specific moral panic. In general, we don’t mind if someone spends too much time reading, even if they masturbate while doing so.
“And while it’s true that we can have an enormous amount of erotic novels on the Kindle,” continues Dr. Burke continued, “We’re hardly going to stay up all night devouring them one by one like we would on Netflix, for example,” because to work out all that text would tire our brains.
Your wife may have a black belt in speed reading, but there is a limit (a much lower limit) to the number of short stories she can read and/or masturbate to in a day. But the same moralists who manage to ban books with LGBTQ+ themes and characters, as well as those who address the wrongs done to blacks and other people of color (slavery, the Jim Crow laws, the concentration camps for Japanese during WWII). II, etc.), they began to apply it to novels. The books of Nora Roberts, a very popular (and not intended for children) author, have just been pulled from the shelves of a Florida high school following protests from an activist with the right-wing group Moms for Liberty (do you know who read Roberts’ books? ) books before they were banned? Teacher. Do you know who is reading them now? Teenager).
“I doubt we’ll see a boom in studies of the effects of Roberts’ books on the brain, and not just because banning books is pure political drama,” muses Dr. burke This boom will not happen because we may not ultimately need it. “Neuroscientists already know that the stories in our heads are extremely important to our sexual pleasure,” says Dr. burke “And those stories — our thoughts, our feelings — can help or hinder sexual experiences. I seem to be helpful to you and your wife.’
follow dr Burke on Twitter: @kelsyburke. And to learn more about her work, visit her website at kelsyburke.com.
I am a 32 year old gay man living in a large city in the United States. Sometimes I pick up students via apps. I always explain what I’m looking for straight away and try to respect the rule of the good camper. Sometimes I see the same person over and over again and invite them over for dinner or a drink. In these cases, I pay because I remember well the times when I was a penniless university student. This year I started seeing a 21 year old boy a few times a month. At some point I discovered that he came from a very wealthy family, not one of the best known but very wealthy. I don’t know exactly how much money his parents give him, but he told me that money is not a problem for him and that he always wants to invite me when we go out. I asked him to do it one at a time so it doesn’t get out of whack. He also bought me a housewarming gift that cost less than $40. As long as it’s dinner or small gifts, I don’t mind. But this summer he will do an internship in Europe. I’ve always wanted to visit the city where he will be working and for my birthday he offered to buy me a flight and a nice hotel and also cover other expenses like meals. If we were the same age I would accept it, but the age difference makes it seem wrong to me. That’s a lot of money for someone so young, but maybe that’s not a problem since he has the family fortune? As far as I know you can easily afford it, but would it be wrong if I took it? What are the ethical implications of having a fuck buddy that young pay for you?
A little more context: I made it very clear to him that I wasn’t looking for a relationship and he replied that he wasn’t either. We call ourselves friends, we both date and have sex with each other, we both do PrEP and I’ve been urging him to get tested regularly for STDs. I have no contact with his family, I don’t work in the industry he’s entering, we don’t have father-son fantasies and he knows I’m doing well financially, so his gesture seems motivated by generosity rather than generosity to be pity.
–Spend vacation in a wealthy student’s paperback
His motivations might be clear (maybe he’s just being generous), but he might also be driven by a perhaps unconscious desire to control you. When a very wealthy person lets a small matchmaker like you or me into orbit, SHOWUP, they give us a glimpse into a world we wouldn’t have access to on our own. The conscious or subconscious awareness that we could be thrown out of this world at any moment can lead us to accept behavior that we would not tolerate from a person who does not fly us around the world and pay us for luxury hotels.
Still, it doesn’t seem to me like your fucking pal is overspending or being manipulative, just suitably generous, and I think you should take his offer. Remember to pay yourself every now and then, SHOWUP and enjoy the ride.
PS: Don’t marry him.
***
My sister died of breast cancer last year. I was touched to see my brother-in-law, niece and nephew join forces to support each other in the difficult task of caring for my sister during the last six months of their lives. The niece then went back to university, while the nephew moved in with his father during my sister’s illness. Last month I visited them to take care of the house and arrived several hours earlier than expected (there was a miscommunication). When I entered with my keys, I found my brother-in-law and nephew (27 years old) sleeping in the same bed. I think they were even naked. When I privately asked my brother-in-law if he thought this was appropriate, he replied that sharing the cosiness of bed helps them process their grief over the loss of my sister. I have some reservations about this. Several friends I spoke to said it’s none of my business. What do you think I should do?
Keep yelling “Yikes!”
I think if you arrive early you should knock – before entering the house, not the bedroom – even if you’ve been given the keys.
PS My condolences to your sister.
PPS Since your nephew and brother-in-law are both grown, KEY, there is nothing you can do. And grief can be a very bizarre process. Therefore, you should take your brother-in-law’s explanation for granted, heed the advice of your friends, and mind your own business.
PPPS When we enter other people’s homes without warning—especially when we go so far as to find out where they sleep and what clothes they wear—we can only blame ourselves for the mental images that stick with us for the rest of our days could accompany.
PPPPS It is clear that it is not good for your brother-in-law to fuck your nephew – let’s draw the conclusion that worries everyone. But if that’s the case (and we don’t know), knowing that you know or suspect it could make them come to their senses… and stop the fucking and make them seek help, KEY, in that case you have done all you can now.
PPPPS Perhaps it would be a good idea to do a little research with your nephew (although no one wants to ask their nephew such questions) to make sure this hasn’t been going on forever and he doesn’t know how to escape the abuse… if there was any abuse at all… and it is not said.
PPPPPS I often get fake letters – and I’m sure they are fake – but this is one I hope is.
(Translation by Matteo Colombo)