CHRISTOPHER STEVENS reviews last night’s TV programme: sirens wailing, crew crying… welcome to tricky Britain
AMBULANCE: BBC1
Valuation: 
FOOTBALL DREAMS: THE ACADEMY (C4)
Valuation:
Grab a Kleenex before you read on. Maybe you want to cry a little. Let it all out – that’s the British way now.
The whole country is constantly on the verge of tears, even the paramedics. With cameras following an emergency response team on Ambulance (BBC1), driver Kyle wiped his eyes on his sleeve as he left a job.
I’ll admit it worries me a little that an ambulance crew might be crying uncontrollably as they speed through traffic. When they say they’re into “Blues-and-Twos,” I figured that meant sirens and blue lights—not clinical depression.
During an operation where a woman with a back injury was lying on the porch of her home, Kyle gasped, “OMG! This is absolutely awful.”
I don’t find that reassuring. But it’s probably just me. The Beeb was set to pick up on this thorny trend, with a full line of 999 officers arriving at the scene in a state of hysteria. You could call it emotional rescue.
The whole country is constantly on the verge of tears, even the paramedics. With cameras following an emergency response team on Ambulance (BBC1), driver Kyle wiped his eyes on his sleeve as he left a job
Episode One: Firefighters Harry and John sob uncontrollably when a theater fire destroys a priceless collection of Judy Garland memorabilia. In a poignant final montage sequence, we hear Elaine Paige belt out Cry Me A River.
Episode Two: Drag queen Sea Sea Ryder is called on a lifeboat mission to rescue trawlers caught in a storm. With no time to put on oilskins, she steers through the waves in a sequined ball gown and looks fabulous.
Later episodes could feature an ambulance pilot overcoming his fear of heights by taking a therapy dog with him on every flight.
Seriously, none of this would be out of place in the redesigned ambulance, which puts all the emphasis on the emotional drains NHS workers face. In the control room, ex-miner Tom and his colleague Holly were often devastated by the calls they were handling.
Creepy haunted night
Lawyer Jenny and her partner Fadi bought a faded turreted and crenellated Victorian mansion in Southport. They showed George Clarke around Old House, New Home (C4). I guess they’d better call Ghostbusters.
They wouldn’t be human if they didn’t get upset at times, but being so open and vulnerable must be exhausting. Professional distance used to be no shame, but in the age of Instagram, anyone with dry eyes looks heartless.
Young footballer Bola, who played for his place in Crystal Palace’s U12 training squad in Football Dreams: The Academy (C4), learned to control his emotions.
The lads were encouraged to put all their youthful passion into the game – but keep a cool head on the pitch. “Getting angry isn’t one of the emotions you need,” Bola scolded himself.
He and his best friends Cairo and Kayden were all dedicated, talented guys.
But if that’s all a footballer needs, there are half a million young men making a living in the Premier League. The launch of this six-part series focused solely on the game and the unrealistic dreams it encourages, without asking what happens to those who don’t make it.
We didn’t see any of the three boys’ homework. Nobody mentioned the impact on their studies – they constantly played in fives, trained in the garden, watched games on TV or were taken to the training ground.
Kayden, who is being hunted by Cairo, as part of Crystal Palace’s youth academy. Cairo spoke of buying his mother a Bentley 4×4 with his first wage packet. Kayden already had a pool, hot tub, and home theater planned
Cairo spoke of buying his mother a Bentley 4×4 with his first wage packet. Kayden already had a pool, hot tub, and home theater planned.
It’s normal for boys of this age to have extravagant ambitions. But if the academy inspires them to dream without making sure they have a solid school record to fall back on, that’s irresponsible.
In the meantime, every young player was very familiar with football platitudes. They may never play at Wembley, but they will always be able to say, ‘At the end of the day it’s a team game and I have to be humble.’