Before ending a long-term relationship, couples often take drastic measures to salvage their romance — whether it’s signing up for counseling or embarking on a make-or-break journey.
But when it comes to friendships in crisis, people tend to take the exact opposite approach, pushing the relationship past the point of no return.
But now, British friendship coach Sue Tappenden has revealed the ways to rekindle the spark in a friendship.
In an exclusive chat with FEMAIL, the Kent expert also explained how to tell when it’s time to say goodbye to a toxic friend.
Friendship expert Sue Tappeden from Kent has shared the seven things all longtime friends should be doing (stock image)
1. Lower your expectations
Putting too much pressure on your friendships will only lead to problems later, the expert said.
Sue explained, “None of us are perfect, so expecting our friends to be perfect all of the time is a source of disappointment, argument and heartache.
“A good rule of thumb is to be the best friend anyone could want – caring, flexible, understanding, forgiving, honest, encouraging, funny, thoughtful, and whatever else it takes.” You reap what you sow.’
The friendship coach (pictured) urged people to be “caring, flexible, understanding, forgiving, honest and fun” with their friends if they want them to be long in their lives
2nd place is healthy (and not always a bad sign!)
There’s nothing like a busy job or little kids to distract you from your friendships – and Sue urged people to be lenient when it comes to making life changes.
When to Break Up with a “Toxic” Friend:
A friendship’s timeline is never a good measure of its strength or health, but rather how we feel about ourselves when we are with our friends.
Anything other than feeling valued and supported by them requires our attention.
When we turn away from spending time with a friend and feel somehow “less than” or unseen, unheard, criticized, judged, or taken advantage of in any way – we have to ask ourselves if they really are the kind of friend we are want and need around us – and the answer is probably no, they are not.
It takes courage to walk away, but a toxic friend who’s worn out and doesn’t support our self-esteem is usually worse than no friend at all.
The reality is that good friends can be found in unexpected places, and strong bonds built on trust, support, and caring can grow very quickly.
Never compromise on the quality of your friendships. quality not quantity. Always.
She continued, “Like all healthy and meaningful relationships, great friendships ebb and flow over time as individual priorities shift. Family needs, work pressures, a new partner, and more can sometimes take focus away from friends.
“Trust it’s normal, it’s probably not about you and be patient – you might miss their company but they need to know you’re waiting for them, no pressure.”
3. Show them you’re thinking of them
It might not be possible to see them as often as you’d like – but Sue says a crucial part of strengthening your friendships is showing your support in good times and bad.
The coach continued: “Good friends understand the obvious and the not-so-obvious – it’s often the secret sauce that highlights a deep friendship in the other.
“Show them you understand them with a thoughtful gift you know they’ll love, a quick check-in message when something big is going on for them, encouragement to meet up when you know they’re feeling down and offer a listening ear. ‘
4. Always keep something in the diary
It’s all too easy to break up with your close friends when you don’t have anything on your schedule to look forward to together.
Therefore, the expert recommends sticking to each other with solid dates wherever you can.
Sue said: “When life gets hectic it can be really difficult to find enough time to enjoy each other’s company, to unwind, to unwind and to have fun with friends.
“Sit down and plan ahead – nights out, shopping trips, weekend trips – whatever you enjoy doing together. Write it in the diary and start making it happen.’
5. Reserve your judgment
To maintain strong and healthy friendships, Sue says it’s important that your friends never feel judged around you.
6. Small and regular contact
You don’t have to be on the phone for hours every day to stay close to a friend — in fact, the expert said the closest friends aren’t necessarily the ones who see each other all the time.
Instead, they are the friends who speak little and often.
Sue said: “We all know how nice it feels when a friend understands you so well they just know…. what interests you, what you love and hate, what makes you laugh or cry and much more.
“If you’re sending a link to something you know a friend will like, tagging them in a fun social media post, or sending them a book ‘just because’ let them know you’re coming to them think. It is always the thought that counts.”
She explained: “One of the brilliant things about being good friends is that you both can show up and be exactly who you are and it doesn’t matter.
“Whether it’s no makeup, unwashed hair, messy crying, bad cooking, tired and emotional, or a messy house — being able to be yourself without worrying about being judged is a great gift.”
7. Tough love is a given (just wrap it with care!)
No friendship will ever be 100 percent smooth — but when you’re having a difficult conversation with a friend, be tactful.
The friendship coach said: “There are times when our friends need to hear difficult things and sometimes it’s our job as beasts to tell them how it is. We know them well, we care for them deeply and all strong friendships are built on trust.
“They may not like what they hear or agree with what you say, but they will listen and very likely thank you in the long run!
Continue reading:
Woman red-faced after discovering her B&M Christmas decoration has a VERY gross design flaw
What does your AI selfie say about you? The psychologist reveals what the avatars on Instagram reveal about your personality
The mum-of-two reveals she removes her decorations at 6pm on Christmas Day – people troll her for it but she’s thinking of her daughter