Dear Jane,
My husband wants me to sign a post-nuptial agreement because he wants his children from another marriage to get some of my money.
We have both been married for seven years and have a five-year-old daughter; We also each have two children from previous marriages, all of whom are in their 20s. When we met, I owned my own home, just like he did, and we're both lucky enough to work in well-paying jobs – even though he makes about ten times what I do.
However, we never had to worry about money.
When we started discussing the idea of marriage, I brought up the topic of marriage before marriage. Given that we both came into the relationship with our own assets and financial obligations, I thought it would be a smart idea to put everything on paper.
Dear Jane, My husband requires that I sign a prenuptial agreement so that his children from a previous marriage can have access to my money
He immediately rejected the idea, insisting that he loved me and wasn't worried about our relationship at all. Because I was so in love, I decided not to push the issue any further – and just a few months later we got married. Since then, we have both sold our homes and moved to a larger home where we now live with our daughter.
After we made the decision to buy a home together, I suggested that we write a joint will detailing what should happen to our home and finances if one of us dies before the other.
Our current will dates back to when we were both single parents and I want to make sure our daughter is protected. But every time I tried to talk about it, he ignored me or tried to find a way to change the subject.
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Unfortunately, our marriage hasn't turned out the way I hoped – and as we seek therapy to save our relationship, it's becoming even clearer to me that we all need to get our finances in order.
So I finally tackled the whole thing head on, but he turned around and told me that he now wants to talk about a post-nuptial agreement because he wants to make sure that his two children from his previous marriage get a fair share of life.” “our” money.
To be clear, we've always kept our finances completely separate – he does what he wants with his money, and I have no control over how he spends it.
The fact that he's now suggesting that his two children should get some of “our” money is just crazy to me, especially since I've spent so much time trying to convince him how important it is that we each other deal with this before we even get married.
I'm so afraid that if anything ever happens to him, his kids will come after me – and then I'll have to take care of myself and my daughter.
I need advice on what to do next. I feel so betrayed. So blind. It changed my entire feeling about this marriage, a feeling that wasn't great to begin with.
Out of,
Spouses in dispute
Dear spouse in dispute,
See a lawyer immediately.
I'm afraid nothing in your letter makes any sense to me, especially that you are having marital problems and your husband now decides to make this ridiculous request since you keep your finances completely separate anyway.
I'm not sure how he considers it “our” money if you keep it all separate, even though many states in the US consider everything included in a marriage to be marital property and ensure fair distribution.
Please take care of yourself and your future.
You don't have to start divorce proceedings, but you do need to know exactly where you stand and how to protect yourself.
A good lawyer will advise you on this, but any counselor will tell you that even the thought of a prenuptial agreement that would benefit one person more than the other when your marriage is already in trouble is a big and resounding no.