Illustrative image
One of the biggest Challenges of Brazilians living in Japan It’s about the fear of losing someone who is very important to me in Brazil. I lived in Japan for ten years and my husband for twenty, so I can write to you in detail about this fear.
Advertising
The distance of 18,000 km not only separates us from our family and friends, but also the high cost of plane tickets makes it difficult to quickly carry out a trip of this magnitude. That’s the feeling In Brazil we are never prepared for someone’s death, neither emotionally nor financially, although we know that this can happen at any time. Time passes and other priorities take over salaries.
O Grief shock is something very personal. There are people who are always by the side of the deceased, but they do not suffer this loss as much as someone who has been in Japan for years without contact, because what is important is what the deceased meant in his life.
For example, my husband and I knew that sooner or later we would return to Brazil permanently, not only to be close to our families, but also to be nearby in case “something happened.” Coming back was a way for us to deal with the possible death of someone without blame.
Often Mistake can arise (in addition to sadness due to grief) when time away from family becomes too long. Then the thought comes: “Why didn’t I go to Brazil earlier, why didn’t I stay there with my mother for a while?” etc. In fact, there is no one to blame. Many people don’t travel because they can’t and not because they don’t want to! Nevertheless, the feelings of guilt don’t want to know it and attack the guy who couldn’t organize himself in time.
I met so many people who really wanted to go back there enjoy the last years of old parents, but they would have to forego very good living conditions in Japan that they would never have in Brazil. The majority still supported their parents or an entire family with money from Japan, making the idea of returning to Brazil forever a luxury and something impossible. For example, it would be pointless to be close to your parents and not have the money to enable a certain quality of life.
This creature “between the devil and the deep sea“ follows those who go to Japan and leave their family (or part of it) behind in Brazil until someone dies there and all we are left with is suffering from a distance, without the hugs of family members and, worse, without giving them a final goodbye of those who left.
Grief is a process that can be more painful or take longer depending on how much affection you had for that person. If you have someone special in Brazil, and if that happens, I’ll give you some tips for those of you who won’t be there.
Dealing with loss while remaining distant
Gather in one calm and quiet environment during the funeral or after so that you can say goodbye mentally. Talk about how you feel, the good memories you have of the person depending on your religion, light a candle and say your prayers. This will help you understand that physical presence is not required for a final goodbye.
Be kind to yourself and Don’t blame yourself for your absence. Remember the reasons why you chose to be in Japan and understand that grief causes sadness, anger, nonconformity, revolt and/or guilt; So accept everything you feel as natural. It may take a while, but it will pass.
Try to be present Messaging apps, by talking to people in Brazil so that you don’t feel so isolated and, if necessary, you can be part of the whole bureaucratic process with your family. Share your pain, but not just the pain. Old photos and fond memories can help ease the sadness between you.
Always keep your foreign documents to make inventory easier if necessary. Remember that in addition to the pain, those who remained in Brazil also have to deal with all the logistics of the wake, the funeral, and the inventory paperwork. Having your documents up to date will make everything easier if you need to provide a power of attorney, for example.
Losing someone you love from a distance It can be one of the worst experiences of your life, but that doesn’t mean it will always remain at this intensity. If necessary, seek professional help to best manage this pain.
My husband and I gave up a lot to return to Brazil. This shows that everything is a matter of choice. There is no right or wrong. What matters is what you want, what is as far as possible and what makes you happier!
If you would like to start a psychotherapy process, do not hesitate to contact us. Always take care of your mental health.
Psychologist Flavia Shiroma de Paula (Tap to connect to Instagram) or (Tap to connect to WhatsApp)